


Not meant to be

by clumsybastard, Feenaa



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Broken Harry, Doctor Harry, F/M, Father-Daughter Relationship, Heavy Angst, Louis/OFC in the past, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sick Harry, Single Parent Louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-04-26 13:00:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 44,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14402646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clumsybastard/pseuds/clumsybastard, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feenaa/pseuds/Feenaa
Summary: The disease was ruining his life. He couldn't let anyone in his bubble, too afraid of being loved and love someone.That's how Harry lived for the past nine years, as a lonely doctor who loved kids more than anything in his life.What happens when life puts Louis Tomlinson and his daughter on his way, will he accepted his fate?What is going to happen when Louis finds out the truth?Will he still love him and fight for their relationship or will he leave Harry to his loneliness?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys, before we start, I just want to let you know that, yeah, there is two of us, but for both of us, English is not a first language. We still tried to make it as enjoyable as possible.
> 
>  
> 
> There are going to be some more trigger warnings before every chapter, however we decided not to put them in general tags, to avoid spoilers. 
> 
> This chapter contains mentions of violence and blood.

_Nine years ago_  
  
Everything hurt. His whole body; his back, stomach, shoulders, the back of his legs. He felt dirty, he needed to throw up. He couldn’t walk, couldn’t talk. His head was throbbing and he felt the blood running down his body.  
  
He took a few steps he had left, eyeing the hospital in front of him. _Only a few steps_ , he told himself. Y _ou can do it, you will be okay, everything will be okay._  
  
But nothing was okay, he was definitely not okay.  
  
Once he got closer, his whole body started to give up. He was shaking, trembling unconditionally and he couldn’t breathe. He passed the hospital entrance looking for a doctor, a nurse, anyone. But he couldn’t move any further, his legs betrayed him, his vision went blurry and he felt dizzy. He leaned on the wall, not having any idea how he got so close to it and slid down. It hurt so much that he sew black dots dancing in the corner of his eyes.  
  
Someone was shaking his arm, someone was talking to him. And then, everything turned black.

  
_Present_  
  
"Styles! Styles! Dr Styles! Harry!"  
  
He opened his eyes, finally looking around. It seemed like he fell asleep on the couch in the staff room. A nurse was standing at the door, looking at him.  
  
"Are you okay?" she asked once they locked eyes.  
  
He nodded in response and stretched out his numb limbs. She looked at him as if she was examining one of her patients.  
  
"I am fine, just have a headache," he sighed.  
  
"Okay, " she nodded.  "They need you in a room four, you better get going."  
  
He took a deep breath and stood up.  
  
Harry was a single, twenty-eight years old paediatrician. His job was slowly killing him with the amount of work and stress it put him through, but he couldn't imagine himself in any other place. He lived to help kids and could not stand seeing them suffer.  
  
He entered the room number four and the first thing he saw was a skinny girl with long hair sitting on a bed with an oxygen mask around her mouth. He noticed straight away she was having problems to breath normally. He smiled reassuringly at her and walked closer holding her file.  
  
"Good morning sunshine," he said catching her attention. He also got a look from a man who was sitting next to her, petting her back. Harry assumed it has to be her father.  
  
He put the file down and took a box of gloves out of the stand next to his medical equipment. He put them one and walked closer to her.  
  
"So, Lana, my name is Harry and I will be your doctor today," he said as he extended his hand for her to shake. "How are you feeling now?"  
  
“I feel okay,” she answered, shaking his hand. She had to put the mask down to replay to him.  
  
“No trouble with breathing?” Harry asked, smiling.  
  
She shook her head slightly. He nodded and started examining her with his stethoscope. Harry asked her to breath in and out a couple of times and made sure to tell her how brave and strong she is after she followed his orders.  
  
“Can you describe to me what happened?” Harry asked, facing the father.  
  
“She had an attack nearly half an hour ago,” he replied, looking anxiously at his daughter. “I gave her the medicine and her inhaler… but she still couldn’t breath so I panicked and rushed her here.”  
  
“I am fine, daddy, you just worry too much,” the girl interrupted putting her mask away once again.  
  
The man smiled in a replay, and Harry couldn’t stop the smile that was forming on his lips.  
  
“I know you are fine, I am just pretty sure that there is a little tightness in your chest, darling.”  
  
The girl looked first at her father and then nodded slightly.  
  
“Alright, can I see her inhalers, please?” Harry requested, facing the father, who nodded and took them out of his bag. “Wow, I use them too.”  
  
“You have asthma?” the girl asked sounding excited, tiny dimples showing on her cheeks.  
  
“I do, ever since I was two,” Harry answered proudly.  
  
“Wow, and you feel okay now?” she asked, her blue eyes were looking at him with so much curiosity.  
  
“When I take care of myself, I feel good,” he shrugged, “but when I ignore my symptoms, it gets worse,” he winked.  
  
“It was my dad’s birthday last night,” she smiled shyly.  
  
“Oh Lana, please don’t tell me you didn’t tell me because of it”, the fathers head snapped in her direction, his eyes were wide open as a realisation hit him.  
  
“I didn’t want to destroy your special day, you were so happy,” she answered, shrugging.  
  
The father massaged his temple with his fingers and closed his eyes, clearly to control himself.  
  
“Lana, love, we promised each other to never hide things like that. What were you thinking?” he exhaled loudly.  
  
“I am sorry...,” Lana answered. She was clearly upset.  
  
Harry faked coughed to get their attention.  
  
“I apologise, Doctor Styles. I just can’t believe that I could let it slide right in front of my eyes.”  
  
“It’s fine. I used to do the same thing with my mum”, Harry smiled understanding. “Okay, young lady, this can’t happen again. Your parents should know first thing when you don’t feel okay. Asthma is not a bad thing but it’s not easy living with it. You are seven, you are a big girl, I know you understand me perfectly, right?” he said, looking at her.  
  
She nodded, smiling.  
  
“Perfect,” Harry said and looked at the father. “So, Mr Tomlinson, we will keep going on with those," he gave Lana’s inhalers back to him, “and I will give her some new medication to relieve the tightness and help her breath. And stop worrying, she really is fine.”  
  
Mr Tomlinson sighed, giving his daughter a worried look, “is she?”  
  
“She is,” Harry nodded. “Lana, darling, can I have a word with your daddy? Just the two of us?”  
  
She nodded and both men left the room.  
  
When they were out of her sigh, Harry looked at the files again and then peered at Mr Tomlinson.  
  
“You worry too much. Which I truly understand, but it makes her worried, too. To the point where she feels like she needs to hide the pain from you.”  
  
Mr Tomlinson looked down and took a deep breath.  
  
“I feel useless, I don’t know what to do, how to help her...”  
  
“Nothing”, Harry smiled. “Just calm down. You did the right thing by coming here. I promise the medication I prescribed her will make it better, but you have to keep an eye on her. She might have another attack soon and I don’t want you to worry. It shouldn’t be aggressive but it might be. I will add another inhaler, she will use in the case of an attack similar to this one,” he got a nod in reply. “I know you are worried, Mr Tomlinson -”  
  
“Louis, just Louis,” the father interrupted.  
  
Harry smiled.  
  
“I know you are worried, Louis, but it will pass, it will get better.”  
  
Louis tried to smile, and Harry caught himself staring right into his blue eyes. So he looked back at the files to distract himself.  
  
“All right, I will get the nurse to give Lana her medicine and you can leave straight after. However, if you feel something is wrong, please, come back.”  
  
Louis nodded, and Harry left before he did something stupid he would regret. He couldn’t trust himself around those warm and caring blue eyes.

***  
  
Harry walked through the hospital corridor. He felt hungry and needed to eat something as he already felt fatigue. But honestly, it was nothing new to him.  
  
He looked at his hands, and noticed he was still wearing gloves from his earlier meeting with Lana. It happened often. He would put them on and would forget to take them off later – they were a huge part of his life. He didn’t feel safe if he was not wearing them, especially around children. He had to protect himself and others.  
  
“Harry," someone called after him.  
  
Harry looked up to see Zayn, his long-term best friend.  
  
“Zayn, I thought you left?”  
  
“Got stuck in a surgery. So, are you finished?”  
  
“I guess,” Harry nodded.  
  
Zayn walked closer, to walk with Harry side by side.  
  
“You look awful, how are you feeling?”  
  
Harry sighed, “awful.”  
  
“Then, you should have left already.”  
  
“Yes,” he nodded, “I am leaving right now, see you tomorrow.”  
  
“All right”, Zayn nodded. “Call me if anything happens.”  
  
Harry smiled and left.  
  
He loved walking, and on normal days, when he felt better, he would walk the distance between his new flat and the hospital. But not that day, he felt the stinging pain everywhere, his joints, bones, lungs and what was the worst, his head.  
  
So when he separated from Zayn, he called a taxi home.  
  
He walked into the building and pressed the elevator button. He was incredibly hungry and tired and started wondering what he should do first when he gets in the flat. Order a pizza or maybe take a nap and then order. The door opened, and he stepped inside, closed his eyes and rested his head on the cold wall of an elevator.  
  
“Harry?” a kids vice took him out of his thoughts.  
  
He opened his eyes, his vision still blurry and he tried to shake it off. He blinked and look at the kid again. He knew that face, he knew that girl.  
  
“Lana?”  
  
Yes, it was Lana and Louis stood beside her, a clear look of worry in his eyes.  
  
Harry tried to smile.  
  
“What are you doing here?” he asked.  
  
“We live here”, Lana said excitedly. “Oh my gosh, are you the new cute neighbour?”  
  
Harry smiled, showing off his dimples.  
  
“They really call me that?”  
  
Louis smiled, but he still looked worried.  
  
“Yes, they do. They told us that he is a doctor, but what were the chances it’s you.”  
  
“It’s amazing,” Harry smiled. Then the door opened at floor thee - Harry’s floor – and he looked at Louis. “Which floor are you?”  
  
“Seventh.”  
  
“Incredible,” Harry said leaving the elevator. “There is my flat”, he said pointing to the door close to them, “you can visit me anytime, Lana.”  
  
Louis beamed at him.  
  
“Thank you! Maybe you can come and have a dinner with us?” she smiled.  
  
Both Louis and Harry looked at each other surprised.  
  
“Maybe next time,” Harry smiled.  
  
Lana tried to say something but Louis stopped her.  
  
“Lana, love, don’t bother our new neighbour, okay?”  
  
Harry gave him a grateful smile, “have a good night.”  
  
“You too!” Louis and Lana answered together.  
  
When the elevator doors closed, Harry took a deep breath. With no one around, he didn’t have to hide his pain. He didn’t have the energy to do so anyway.  
  
He leaned on the wall and with the last bit of energy he had left, he opened his door and took a few steps inside and collapsed on the couch. When he woke up he wasn’t sure if he fell asleep or passed out, or maybe both, but he didn’t really care. It wasn’t the first time it happened, and surely it won’t be the last.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Louis and Lana walked into the drug store. They planned to buy some toiletries such as shampoos, fruity body lotions (for Lana) and shaving blades (for Louis).  
  
When they finally headed to the cash register, a man wearing hospital scrub was standing in front of them in the queue. He was talking on the phone and was purchasing a lot of medical gloves. The pharmacist handed him an incredible amount of drugs with a worried look on his face. However, the man refused to look at him and proceeded to brush his dark black hair with his hand nervously.  
  
“Anything else, doctor?” he asked.  
  
The man shook his head. He was still talking on the phone, so he used one of his hands to give the pharmacist the money. Then put everything he bought in his bag, and started leaving.  
  
“I hope he gets better soon,” the pharmacist said as a goodbye and the doctor smiled in return and left.  
  
It was Louis’ time to put his things on the table, as the pharmacist gave him a tired smile. While Louis was waiting for his shopping to be scanned, he kept looking at the doctor through the window of the shop. He got into his car and drove away. Louis didn’t know why the man caught his attention.  
  
Lana had to shake his hand, to bring his attention back to the cashier for him to pay.  
  
***  
  
“Okay, okay, Lottie. I know.”  
  
Louis was driving them home while talking on the phone. Lana was sitting beside him slightly drifting off.  
  
“Alright, I will wait for you tomorrow… Fine,” he said to the phone, then looked at his daughter. “Lana, don’t sleep. I won't carry you home again, young lady.”  
  
She smiled and nodded, but her eyes reminded closed.  
  
“No, I haven't told her yet,” he laughed to the phone. “Okay, okay.”  
  
“Lana, love,” he shook her arm lightly when they stopped at the red light. “Lottie is coming tomorrow to take you to her house. How does that sound?”  
  
Suddenly Lana’s eyes were wide open.  
  
“Are you serious?” she asked, sounding very eager.  
  
“I am," he nodded.  
  
“Oh gosh, yes, finally!” she smiled wildly, showing off her dimples.  
  
He laughed and parked the car in the parking lot of their apartment building.  
  
Louis was still on the phone when Lana ran straight to the building. He followed after her, but when he opened the doors to get inside, he saw her standing next to someone in the hospital scrub. Could it be Harry? He hasn’t seen the cute neighbour since their last visit to the hospital which was almost four days ago. Too many days for Louis liking. He couldn’t stop thinking about him.  
  
Lana has had another attack like Harry predicted, but the medicine he prescribed was very effective and allowed Louis not to worry so much. He felt like Lana was in good hands when it came to Harry.  
  
When Louis hot closer, he noticed it was not Harry, but the guy from the drug store they just came from.  
  
“I thought it was Harry,” Lana whispered to him when he stood next to her.  
  
The doctor must have heard because he looked down at her and smiled.  
  
The elevator’s doors opened and the three of them walked inside.  
  
The doctor pressed button number three, while Louis pressed the one with number seven.  
  
“Are you here to see Harry?” Lana asked, breaking the silence.  
  
“You know Harry?” the doctor asked, smiling at her.  
  
“He is my favourite doctor,” she nodded with pride.  
  
“Oh, you must be Lana!”  
  
Louis looked at him surprised, but it went unnoticed.  
  
“He told you about me?” she asked shyly.  
  
“He did. He said you remind him of himself when he was younger. He is very glad that you are okay now,” he sounded serious, but the smile reminded on his face. Then, he turned to Louis. “Harry loves children. That’s why he became a paediatrician. He tells me about every precious kid he meets.”  
  
Louis smiled. It sounded a lot like Harry.  
  
“Zayn Malik, Harry’s friend,” the doctor stretched his hand out for a handshake.  
  
“Louis Tomlinson,” Louis shook his hand. “I am Lana’s father. How is Harry? I haven’t seen him around for three days now.”  
  
He had to ask. He couldn’t help himself. He saw Zayn buying all that medication and it turned out he is visiting Harry. It didn’t seem to be a good sign.  
  
“Yeah, yeah,” Zayn nodded. “He got a little bit sick, so that’s why I am here,” he chuckled, right when the doors opened.  
  
“Oh no, how sick?” Lana asked.  
  
“Just a bad flu, he will be okay in a few days,” Zayn shrugged and looked at Louis. “It was nice to meet you two in person. Take care.”  
  
“Yeah, nice to meet you too, doctor,” Louis replied just as the doors were closing.  
  
***  
Lottie came the next morning at very early hours. Lana was already waiting for her, very excited. She loved her auntie and she missed their time together. They left the flat for the whole day, leaving Louis to himself.    
  
Louis took the day off to get some rest. He was constantly stressed about money and exhausted with the whole parenting stuff. Lana used to live with her mother since the very first day, until three months ago when she moved to America, allowing Louis to take care of their daughter.  
  
Ever since then, everything has changed for Louis. Of course, he was used to having Lana for a few days every month, but now it was his full-time job alongside with his business.  
  
Louis was an architecture and run an office with his best friend, Liam  Payne. And recently, he had to start working twice as hard, to cover both of their needs. He wanted what was the best for Lana.  
  
However, even with the vision of the whole day just for himself, Louis couldn’t stop thinking about a certain curly haired doctor. He did not understand why but he had an urgent need to see him. So, Louis, the good neighbour, decided to make him a brownie. And before he had the time to think if it was a good or bad idea, he was standing in front of Harry’s flat.  
  
He wasn’t sure when he knocked on the door, he wasn’t even sure what the hell he was doing, or why he wanted to see Harry in the first place. But he was sure about one thing: the way he felt while simply thinking about him, made him feel like a teenager again.  
  
When the door opened, Louis sucked in a breath. Harry was standing in front of him in pyjama shorts and a hoodie. His eyes were barely open, he looked pale and weak, and okay, he really was ill. But still, what a marvellous sigh he was. Those curls, those green eyes.  
  
“Good morning,” Louis said trying to hide how nervous he was. He honestly felt like he was fifteen again, asking his crush on a date. Not like a thirty-year-old man with a daughter.  
  
Louis offered Harry the plate he was holding.  
  
“Good morning, Louis,” Harry answered, smiling widely.  
  
He looked so young even with the exhaustion written on his face. And were those dimples, or Louis is too charmed to see clearly?  
  
“I met your friend, Zayn, last night,” Louis said, and he was proper nervous now, his hand started to shake slightly. “He told us you are sick, so as a good neighbour, I made you something and came to check up on you,” Louis coughed at the end to cover up for how fast he was talking.  
  
Harry took the offered plate with a childish smile.  
  
“Such a good neighbour you are,” he laughed. “But honestly, I am fine. Thank you.”  
  
“Oh don’t lie to me,” Louis pointed his eyes. “No offence, but you look awful.”  
  
“None taken”, Harry laughed. “Would you like some tea?”,  he asked, already making space for Louis to get inside.  
  
“Yes, please,” Louis brushed it off as if he was calm. As if. “If that’s okay with you, of course.”  
  
“It’s more than okay,” Harry said softly, closing the door behind them.  
  
Louis entered the flat and the first thing that hit him was how clean and neat everything seemed to be. He was amazed how everything was organized and full of colours, like a nice and comfortable space where everything is on its place.  
  
“You have a good taste, Doctor Styles,” Louis said playfully but with due respect.  
  
“Thank you so much, Mr Tomlinson”, Harry said with the same tone and a smirk visible on his place face. “Have a seat, it won’t be long,” he added and disappeared in the kitchen.  
  
Louis nodded and sat in an armchair in front of the TV. He looked around and it seemed like Harry was sleeping on the couch next to him. The pillows were clearly not in their places, and a blanket was laying on the floor. The medicine and empty water bottles were on the coffee table as well.  
  
Harry came back with a tray of two teas and Louis plate of brownie. Louis was about to move his medicine aside so Harry could put the tray down, but Harry almost shouted at him, stopping him mid-track.  
  
“Don’t touch that!”  
  
Louis took his hand back immediately, looking at him surprised. Harry laughed it off nervously.    
  
“Just don’t want you to get sick when you are taking care of Lana,” he said. “Here, help me with this,” he held the tray of for Louis to hold.  
  
It was then that Louis noticed the IV cannula in the palm of his hand.  
  
Harry apologized for the mess and put the medication away, and then the empty bottles of water in the trash. Louis put the tray down on the table and Harry sat down, handing him the cup.  
  
Louis eyed the cannula with a frown.  
  
“Oh, it’s nothing, really,” Harry said nervously, fidgeting with his hands. “I have a bad immunity so I catch anything from the hospital."  
  
Louis nodded with a reassuring smile. “Sorry to hear that. You risk a lot for your job.”  
  
“Yeah,” he answered shortly and changed the topic. “How’s Lana, is everything okay with her?”  
  
“Yes, she is doing fine, I am just always worried.”  
  
Harry took a sip of his tea.  
  
“I understand and it’s okay. Parents are supposed to be worried. What about her mom, does she worry as much as you do?”  
  
“No,” Louis smiled. “She’s not like me at all. She is the tough one, I guess.”  
  
“Then, maybe you should ask her to teach you,”  he smiled playfully.  
  
Louis nodded, as Harry took a bite of the brownie.  
  
“Oh god, this tastes amazing.”  
  
“Do you like it?” Louis smiled widely.  
  
Harry took another bite before responding. “I love it. I feel like this brownie itself could cure me,” he laughed. “You need to give me the recipe. I love baking so much, it’s my hobby. Tell your wife she’s a great baker.”  
  
“Oh, there is no wife in the picture,” Louis sighed. “I am divorced.”  
  
Harry stopped chewing and he swallowed hard. “You mean you made it?”  
  
He sounded genuinely surprised. Louis laughed, nodding.  
  
Harry laughed too. “Well, good neighbour Louis, your cooking skills are impressive, I must admit,” he said, with dimples prominent on his face.  
  
Cheeky little shit.  
  
Then he finally put the cup back on the tray and cleaned his throat. “I am sorry. About your divorce. I mean.”  
  
Louis shook his head.  
  
“No, it’s okay. I am good, have been for the past seven years, really. We still keep in touch as friends. Lana used to live with her, but she got remarried three months ago and left the country. I couldn’t imagine living without Lana so we both agreed that she will stay with me for the whole year and then spend the summer with her mum. She will also visit twice a year.”  
  
Harry listened carefully, but then Louis looked at him, ashamed.  
  
“I am sorry I am rambling, got carried away.”  
  
Why was Louis so nervous, that he couldn’t keep his mouth shut? He will scare the cute neighbour away if he keeps talking that much.  
   
“Heey, stop it,” Harry squeaked. “It’s okay. I am listening.”  
  
Louis took a deep breath to control himself. “Okay, what about you then?”  
  
Harry shook his head. “No divorces in my file”, he smiled.  
  
Louis panicked, is he married?  
  
Harry took a long sip.  
  
“I a single. There is no one in my life. No kids either.”  
  
 Louis didn’t say anything, only nodded to acknowledge his words. He took a sip of his drink for the first time. His throat seemed a bit dry.  
  
“So, what do you do for a living, if you don’t mind me asking? You know what I do.”  
  
“I am an architect”, Louis replied. “I have my very own office I run with a friend.”  
  
Harry looked amazed. “Sounds very ambitious.”  
  
“Yeah,” Louis smiled. “It’s something I really enjoy doing, I am glad it worked out for me.”  
  
“That’s great,” Harry smiled. “It’s incredible to be able to do what you are passionate about. I love kids and that’s what motivated me to be a paediatrician.”  
  
“I guess you are a very good doctor, at such a young age,” Louis chuckled.  
  
“You ‘guess'?” Harry put a hand on his chest, as he pretended to be offended.  
   
Louis laughed sincerely and he was about to say something, but Harry’s phone went off.  
  
“Oh, it's Zayn. He’s just like you, a worried parent,” Harry pouted. “You would make a great couple,” he laughed. “I am sorry, I have to answer,” he sent Louis an apologetic smile and then put his phone to his ear. “Hi Zayn… No, I am not sleeping… I have guests over,” then he laughed.  “No, not Niall… some real guests,” he said looking at Louis and suddenly his eyes widened comically. “How did you know that?… Well, okay… Yes, I am fine and yes, I took them all,” he frowned and the smiled. “Oh, okay, so see you in  a bit.”  
  
He hung up and smiled at Louis.  
  
“Zayn must be some kind of a magician,  he knew it’s you!”  
  
Was Louis that obvious to Zayn last night?  
  
“I have to go,” Louis stood up.  
  
“No,” Harry pouted.  
  
“I don’t want to bother you, you definitely need to rest.”  
  
Louis was ready to stand up, but Harry stopped him, talking really fast.  
  
“Come on, please, stay. Zayn and Niall are coming over for dinner. You should get Lana, and come as well.”  
  
He could. But.  
  
“No, maybe some other day. And besides, Lana is spending the day with my sister.”  
  
“So you are all by yourself,” Harry said surprised. “You should definitely stay. I will rest, I promise. Niall is going to cook for us.”  
  
Louis wasn’t sure. He wanted to stay, wanted to know more about Harry, but he was afraid it was escalating too quickly.  
  
However, he decided to stay. For the dimples.  
  
It was an hour later when Zayn and Niall arrived. It turned out that Niall and Louis actually knew each other because they went to the same school and had a lot of mutual friends. It helped Louis feel less nervous. Harry and Zayn were friendly, but he had yet to meet them properly and Niall’s familiar laughter made him feel comfortable. Also, Niall loved to talk a lot, and he told Zayn and Harry how a good of a football player Louis used to be, how he was the captain of the team. Even the embarrassing details, like how popular he was and everyone used to have a crush on him.  
  
Zayn also made him feel comfortable. He didn’t talk a lot, but he observed and listened to everyone, never losing his smile. They spend the whole time listening to Harry’s and Niall’s stories.  
  
It was nearly after sunset, and Louis noticed how much attention Zayn was paying to Harry, he is gaze was pointed at Harry’s direction nearly the whole time.  
  
“Harry, I need a minute with you,” he finally said.  
  
Harry was sitting beside Niall and was resting his head on the back of the couch. He stood up and that was when Louis noticed how sleepy his eyes actually were. He followed Zayn without saying anything and Louis saw them getting inside Harry’s room. Niall was nervously watching as well and tried to act like nothing happened.  
  
“So, Louis. You live here now… How about Liam, do you stay in touch with him or your ways separated?”  
  
Louis looked through it, he was trying to distract him. And he was not going to be rude, so he replied.  
  
“Oh yeah, we actually work together.”  
  
They heard loud voices, but couldn’t make out the words that were said, but it was obvious Zayn and Harry were fighting.  
  
“So,” Niall brought Louis’ attention back to him. “I heard you have a daughter. I would love to meet her on day… How old is she?”  
  
“She is -”  
  
He was interrupted by the door banging into the wall, and Zayn stormed out and looked at them angrily.  
  
“Niall, I am leaving. Will you?”  
  
Louis didn’t know what to do, the situation was uncomfortable beyond words.  
  
Niall stood up.  
  
“Okay...,” then he looked at Louis and smiled nervously. “Hope I will see you around.”  
  
Zayn, on the other hand, left without a word, and Niall followed him.  
  
Louis didn’t understand what was happening, and Harry was not coming out of the room for quite some time, so he gathered his keys and his phone from the table, and got ready to leave.  
  
“Sorry about Zayn,” Harry said quietly. Louis turned around and Harry was facing him, hugging his hands to his chest, bashed. “He is-, he just noticed I got tired and wanted me to get some rest.”  
  
“Oh, yeah, of course. I was leaving anyway.”  
  
“No, please don’t. I am alright. We can watch a movie or something.”  
  
Louis really wanted to, but he felt like he shouldn’t, eventually, he decided that Harry’s health is more important.  
  
“Maybe next time, Harry. You look very tired, and as much as I’d like to stay, I need to agree with your friend. You look like you could use some good sleep.”  
  
Harry took a deep breath looking away. He seemed disappointed.  
  
“Okay, you are right. Maybe some other day… I am working tomorrow, but I have some time this weekend. Bring Lana, if you decide to come.”  
  
Louis walked to the door and smiled at Harry.  
  
“It’s a deal then.”  
  
Harry nodded, smiling so big that Louis couldn’t see his eyes.  
  
Louis opened the door but turned again to look at him.  
  
“I had a great time, Harry.”  
  
“Me too.”  
  
“And we both know Niall, right?”  
  
Harry smiled, showing off his dimples.  
  
“What a small world.”  
  
“Yeah,” Louis breathed out.  
  
He didn’t want to leave.  
  
“Goodnight, Louis,” Harry broke the silence.  
  
He really didn’t want to leave.  
  
“Goodnight, Harry. Hope you get better soon.”  
  
He left the flat and Harry closed the door.  
  
Louis left because he had to, not because he wanted to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update on Sunday!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: mentions of suicidal thoughts

Louis squeezed his phone in between his ear and shoulder to manage cutting vegetables while talking. He was angry, pissed even.  
  
“I don’t know Liam. I thought the same, but he only sent me a text and it really annoyed me.”  
  
Liam, Louis’ best friend, tried to calm him down, “Okay, chill, man. Maybe the guy is just busy. Or maybe he isn’t even into men, have you considered that?”  
  
Louis sighed because Liam had the point. It seemed like he and  Harry hit it off the last time, but Louis might be a little bit too captivated by the green doe eyes and dimples to see straight.    
  
“Then why did he ask me to have a dinner together? I mean, he for sure knows I like him… and I think he likes me back… Fuck, I don’t know what to think,” Louis threw the knife on the table in frustration. “He makes me nervous and it makes me angry.”  
  
Liam laughed.  
  
“Just give the guy some time, Louis… Or call him.”  
  
“Of course, like it’s going to change anything. I already called him, he never answered the phone. Just send another “I’m sorry” text.”  
  
“Then maybe he really is busy. In the end, he is a doctor.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah,” Louis sighed. “Whatever.”  
  
“Just give it time. I am sure everything will be okay”  
  
“Okay,” Louis replied unsure.  
  
He hung up the phone and looked at the neatly cut vegetables. He was still angry so it didn’t help that much.  
  
***  
  
Harry was at home, just had finished a rough day at work. He was getting better, the flu has finally left him in peace and he finally felt just fine.  
  
He was exhausted and all he wanted to do was to sleep. He collapsed on his bed straight after he entered his flat and fell into a deep slumber.  
  
Screaming. He heard screaming. But wait, it was his scream, he was screaming. Harry jumped on his bed, breathing fast and sweating. His eyes were wide open, but his mind was still clogged and dark. He looked around himself, still shaking.  
  
“Open the door Harry, I know you are inside.”  
  
Slowly, Harry calmed himself down, reminding himself that he is was in his own home, his own bed. Someone was banging on the door, but it was just Zayn. _Zayn is a friend, calm down._  
  
Harry tried to get his breathing back to normal and stop shaking after he left his bed, but he couldn’t. Zayn was still banging on the door, and he finally opened it.  
  
Zayn was ready to yell at him, but when he saw how his friend looked; the glossy wide, scared eyes, body shaking unconditionally and he was leaning on the fall to support himself, as he seemed to be too weak to stand on his own.  
  
“What happened?” he asked weakly. He hated seeing him in that state.  
  
Harry just shook his head and walked to the couch. Zayn followed behind him.  
  
“Please, Harry. Talk to me.”  
  
Harry supported himself on the couch, and took a deep breath, closing his eyes. His boy was still tense but stopped shaking and he was breathing calmly.  
  
“It was just a nightmare.”  
  
“The nightmare?”  
  
Harry nodded. Zayn sat down by his side and put a hand on his thigh.  
  
“Feeling better now?” he asked, still worried. Harry didn’t even move. “Is there anything I can get for you?”  
  
Harry slowly shook his head, looking ahead. Then, he stood up and walked out into the bathroom.  
  
Ten minutes late, he walked into the kitchen. When Zayn saw him, he rose up from his spot immediately.  
  
“Better now?”  
   
“Yes,” Harry sighed.  
  
“Good,” Zayn smiled faintly. “Come here, I made some tea.”  
  
Harry sat beside Zayn next to the small kitchen table.  
  
“What brings you here today, Zayn?” he asked annoyed. He actually knew the reason of Zayn’s presence.  
  
Zayn didn’t say anything for a little while, but when Harry looked at him, with a furrowed brows, waiting for an answer, he sighed.  
  
“I want to help you.”  
  
“Not again,” Harry whispered, closing his eyes.    
  
“You are getting worse, we need to know why?” he said softly. He didn’t want to scare Harry anymore. But he didn’t get any answer from him, so he continued, “Harry, you are getting sick every two weeks. You are always tired and we need to know what is going on.”  
  
“We already know what’s going on.”  
  
“No,” Zayn said sadly, but sternly.  
  
“Yes, we do. I have been sick for nine years now. It’s how it works. I am a final case, Zayn. You are a doctor, you should know that.”  
  
“It doesn’t have to be like that,” Zayn said, his voice breaking slightly.  
  
“My god, Zayn. What else it could be.”  
  
“Are you not going to do anything about it? Are you giving up?”  
  
Harry didn’t answer but started biting his lips nervously. Zayn shook his head in frustration, unreleased tears dancing in the corner of his eyes.  
  
“You are going to run away, aren’t you?”  
  
Harry yet again was silent.  
  
“Fuck you, Harry, fuck you! You can’t do this!”  
  
“I can’t stay either!” Harry nearly shouted.  
  
“So you will leave us,” Zayn said like he couldn’t believe his own words.  
  
“Yes, Zayn, I will. I want to protect you. You won’t have to deal with me anymore,” he said calmly. Too calmly.  
  
“You are so fucking dumb, Styles. Stop saying that.”  
  
“I am sick.”  
  
“It’s not your fault, Harry.”  
  
“It doesn’t change anything, Zayn,” Harry chuckled. Then looked at Zayn with a hurt expression. “I can’t do this anymore, I can’t let people know, Zayn,” his voice was breaking. “I won’t be able to stand the way they look at me, how they pit me, how disgusted they will be… They will treat me differently like I should be excluded from the society,” he whispered, with tears pooling in his eyes. “I just can’t do it, I am not strong enough,” he said more to himself than his friend.  
  
Zayn looked down because he was afraid people might actually react this way. He himself never felt disgusted towards Harry, but he was old enough to know how cruel people are and he didn’t want Harry to suffer.  
  
Harry put his head in his hands.  
  
“It’s okay… really,” he said softly. Harry gave up years ago.  
  
“It’s not okay,” Zayn argued, feeling the tears running down his cheeks. “You are running away, you are going to leave us behind. You are leaving me behind, even after all those years I spend next to you, supporting you. Please, don’t do it to yourself. I need you, too. Please, don’t do this to yourself, Harry. Please, don’t do this alone, please,” his voice cracked, as his body couldn’t stand to fight the tears, and he sobbed.  
  
Harry looked at his friend and smiled.  
  
“You will be okay.”  
  
Zayn was crying and in a normal situation, Harry would be crying too, overwhelmed, but his tears dried a long time ago. He stopped crying for himself, when he finally got along with his fate.  
  
Zayn wanted to scream in his face to shut up, just shut up, but he didn’t do it.  
  
Harry hugged him.  
  
“Don’t make it harder, Zayn.”  
  
“Then don’t leave.”  
  
Harry shook his head and stood up from his spot.  
  
“I can’t promise you that,” he cleared his throat. “But don’t worry, it’s not going to happen anytime soon.”  
  
Zayn nodded. He can do it. If he has some time, he can find a way to make Harry stay, to make Harry fight for himself, instead of giving up.  
  
Zayn left Harry’s flat after midnight when he made sure Harry ate and went to sleep. When he was about to get out of the elevator on the ground floor, he bumped into Louis.  
  
“Zayn Malik,” Louis said, with a wide smile on his face.  
  
“Hello Louis,” Zayn replied with a tired smile.  
  
“Are you okay?”  
  
“Of course.”  
  
“So… Is Harry sick again?” Louis asked, biting his lip.  
  
“What? Oh, no, no. He is fine. I just had a long conversation with him and fell asleep on his cough by accident. That’s why I look like I was hit by a car,” he explained. He saw his reflection in the mirror in the elevator. Red exhausted eyes and messy hair.  
  
“So, he is fine?” Louis smiled once more.  
  
Zayn nodded, smiling back.  
  
“I am asking because we were supposed to met yesterday,” he sounded disappointed, “But he cancelled at the last minute. Lana was very upset after I told her Harry can’t come.”  
  
Of course, he cancelled, Zayn thought. He was already setting his plan. He doesn’t want Louis to get too attached so running will be easier on him.  
  
“Oh, did he?” Zayn sounded surprised, even though he wasn’t. “He got stuck in the hospital, he had an emergency patient. You know how it is.”  
  
“Of course, I understand,” Louis nodded. “As long as he is alright.”  
  
Zayn looked at him with a hint of realisation in his eyes.  
  
“You know what Louis? I and some friends are throwing Harry a surprise birthday party next Sunday. Would you like to join us?”  
  
“Are you sure?” Louis asked excitedly but then frowned. “I have got an impression that Harry is not really into this friendship.”  
  
“Are you kidding? He will be thrilled to have you there,” he smiled sincerely. “Here, type in your number so I can share all the details with you,” he added, handing Louis his phone.  
  
Louis took the phone gratefully and typed in his number without a hesitation, then they said goodnight to each other and separated.    
  
However, when Louis managed to make it to his flat, he felt something weird in his chest. He was angry and frustrated with Harry for cancelling their plans and he promised himself not to interact with him again, not after the disappointment in Lana’s eyes when he had to tell her Harry is not coming. Even though Harry said he was busy, Louis felt like he was being lied to. And in all honesty, he was looking forward to that meeting.  
  
After meeting Zayn, something melted inside of him. He felt like he wanted, needed to see Harry again to talk to him. It felt weird, being in this state, he didn’t know that guy very well, hardly could say they were friends yet, and there he was, not being able to stop thinking about him.  
  
***  
  
On Sunday morning, Harry had no intention of leaving his bed. He was upset with himself. He avoided Louis for the past five days because he had to. He already developed feeling for the older man, and he shouldn’t let that happen. But it was too late, in the moment of weakness, he showed Louis he cared by asking him to stay, by pleading to spend the day with him. God, he was so starved for the warmth of human’s body. He shouldn't let that happen, shouldn't allow himself to get Louis in his life and disappoint him. He shouldn't get too close to Lana. He can't allow himself to love them and be loved, it’s going to destroy him.  
  
Louis has tried to call him after Harry messaged him about cancelling their date. Yes, it was supposed to be a date, a family date. Harry didn’t pick up the phone, he felt like if he did, he wouldn’t be able to stay away from them. Louis was like a magnet, and Harry was really strongly attracted to him.  
  
Suddenly, his train of thoughts was interrupted by the sound of his phone’s ringtone. He didn’t want to move, but the ringing wouldn’t stop, so he picked the phone up.  
  
“Yes, Niall?” he asked irritated.  
  
“Why the hell won’t you answer your phone?”  
  
“I just didn’t feel like it.”  
  
“Okay, whatever. Get ready, I am picking you up in five minutes.”  
  
“Okay,” was all Harry said before ending the call. However, he didn’t move, just put the duvet over his head and closed his eyes.  
  
A few minutes later the doorbell rang, strangling him. He must have fallen asleep. He left his bed, already preparing himself to be yelled at. He opened the door and saw his friend glaring at him.  
  
“Why the hell are you not ready?”  
  
Harry rolled his eyes, and let Niall in. “Because I am not going anywhere.”  
  
Niall got inside and closed the doors behind himself and frowned at Harry.  
  
“And why is that?”  
  
Harry walked back to his bedroom, followed by Niall.  
  
“I am not in the mood, I just want to sleep.”  
  
Niall’s features changed dramatically and he asked with worry in his voice; “Are you sick again?”  
  
“No, I am not, just want to sleep,” Harry said, getting comfortable in his bed.  
  
“I can’t let you do that, we need to go now or we will be late.”  
  
“Late?” Harry looked at him sceptically. “Late for what?”  
  
Niall’s face went pale and he looked nervous.  
  
“Nowhere, come on. I just told Zayn and Gigi we are visiting them and they are waiting for us.”  
  
“Then ask them to come here,” he sighed. “We can stay here, watch some movies and order pizza.”  
  
“No, we can’t,” Niall shook his head. “We have to go now.”  
  
“No, I am going to sleep. But you can go see them”, Harry said, turning away from Niall.  
  
“Come on Harry,” Niall got closer and pulled at Harry’s hand to get him out. “When was the last time you had fun?”  
  
Harry raised a brow, “Err, last week.” He felt like Niall was up to something.  
  
Niall groaned.  
  
“Shit, come on, don’t make me carry you,” Niall pulled at his hand again.  
  
Okay, he definitely was up to something.  
  
“Tell me what’s going on,” Harry said, standing up.  
  
“Nothing is going on,” Niall replied bluntly, pursing his lips.  
  
“Niall,” Harry exhaled loudly.  
  
“Okay, okay… it’s your birthday,” Niall sighed, cursing Zayn for choosing him to bring Harry over.  
  
 “Today is not my birthday,” Harry frowned.  
  
“Well, it is now.”  
  
 Harry crossed his arms over his chest and looked at Niall, waiting for an explanation.  
  
“Okay, okay. I was Zayn’s idea, he is throwing you a surprise party.”  
  
“My birthday was last month, we already celebrated it.”  
  
“I know but what’s going to hurt you to celebrate again. I mean, the last time we did, it wasn’t even a big thing.”  
  
“There was a cake, you and Zayn, I don’t need more.”  
  
Niall took a deep breath, he was clearly upset now,  
  
“I know, Harry,” he said softly. “He is just worried, we are all worried and want to make you happy.”  
  
“You don’t have to worry about me.”  
  
“It’s not as easy as you make it seem, buddy.”  
  
“Okay, I will get dressed,” he said fast, not ready to have this conversation.  
  
He had to go because he didn’t want to upset his friends anymore and make them worry. Zayn and Niall were very close to him, have been for a very long time now. They were always there for him and supported him. None of them has ever let him down and they cared for him. They were the only people that knew the truth, and even after that, didn’t turn on him. They never judged him, never blamed or were disgusted. They accepted his fate and he felt sincerely loved by them.  
  
Niall parked in front of Zayn’s house and looked at Harry.  
  
“Whatever happens, please act surprised.”  
  
Harry just laughed.  
  
They walked inside together, and when they were just about to enter the living room, they were bombarded with surprise shouts from everywhere around them. Seeing so many people took Harry out of the guard, but the main thing that really surprised him was the presence of Louis. He was standing casually between Zayn and Gigi, his girl standing in front of him. He was clapping his hands, and laughing with everyone.  
  
Harry didn’t have to act surprised, because he actually was. A lot of his close friends were there, Zayn really did put an effort into this. Harry walked up to everyone to hug them and shake their hands until he got to Louis and Lana. He hugged them as well after a few seconds of hesitation. He felt so happy and content.  
  
Louis smiled widely while he said “Happy birthday”, and Lana handed Harry a gift.  
  
“I didn’t know what to get for you, so I let Lana chose this.”  
  
Harry took the box from her hands and opened it immediately. Inside was a beautiful scarf, dark green just like his eyes. Harry put it around his neck.  
  
“How do I look?” he directed his question at Louis, smiling. And Louis… Louis got lost in those beautiful green eyes again.

  
“Handsome as ever, doctor. This scarf brings out your eyes,” Lana interrupted their moment.  
  
  “Oh come one,” Harry looked at her. “Call me Harry. And thank you so much, Lana, I love my gift,” he said and then reached out for her hand. “Come with me, I want to introduce you to my friends.”  
  
Lana looked up at her dad for permission, and when Louis nodded, she took Harry’s hand and they disappear together.  
  
“I told you he will be happy to have you here,” Zayn said approaching Louis and sat down with him on the cough.  
  
Louis just smiled fondly, observing Harry. He had to admit, he liked Harry, a bit too much, too fast.  
  
  
They ate the cake and sang Harry a _Happy Birthday._ Harry danced with his friends and Lana, and even Louis got a chance with him. Harry let himself lose to the point where he even sang a few songs, and Louis was genuinely surprised how soft and raw his voice was at the same time.  
  
After a few hours, Louis started to look for Harry and Lana, because he hasn’t seen them in over an hour. Finally, he found them at the back of the house in the small garden. They were obviously playing hide and seek. Louis spotted Harry hiding behind an old tree when Harry noticed him, he put his finger to his mouth, as if telling not to give away his hiding spot.  
  
“Have you seen Harry, daddy?” Lana asked, frustrated.  
  
“No, I haven't,” he lied smoothly.  
  
Then Harry left his spot, stood behind Lana, and whispered into her ear: “I won.”  
  
She turned to face him.  
  
“Not again,” she huffed, annoyed. Such a Tomlinson, Louis thought.  
  
Harry laughed.  
  
Louis looked at them, and said: “We have to go.”  
  
“No,” Harry looked at him with a pout on his plump lips.  
   
“Harry,” Louis smiled at him, “Most of your friends have left, only Niall and Zayn are here. We should have left like an hour ago, but Lana was having fun with you.”  
  
Harry looked conf

 

 

used for a second.  
  
“Okay, let’s go,” he said.  
  
“No,” Louis sighed. “It’s your birthday, you should stay.”  
  
“No, it’s not,” Harry shook his head, getting inside the house.  
  
Louis got confused, but let it slide. They got ready to leave together as they had the same destination anyway.  But before they left, Harry asked Louis to wait for him as he spoke to Zayn about something. Zayn looked surprised and confused by the little conversation they had, he looked at Louis a few times, and then looked down, as if he was ashamed. Louis knew they were talking about him, but he decided not to interfere.  
  
They were sitting in silence in Louis car, while he was driving. Harry didn’t speak at all, but he seemed to be comfortable with Louis’ presence.  
  
“Thank you for coming,” Harry finally said when he realized that they parked in the parking lot of their building.  
  
Louis smiled and although he hasn’t spoken to Harry a lot during the party, he was happy that he saw him.  
  
“And thank you for the scarf,” he looked at the gift, still wrapped around his neck. “I love it.”  
  
“You are welcome,” Louis replied.  
  
Then Harry turned in his seat to look at Lana.  
  
“Thank you, darling.”  
  
“You are welcome,” she copied her dad.  
  
“Would you like to go for a walk?" Harry asked when they got off of the car.  
  
Louis didn’t really understand Harry at this point, he was a mystery, but the kind of a mystery that Louis wanted to find the solution for.  And he would give anything he needed, to find out more about this man.  
  
They got some ice cream and were walking on the path in the park near their apartment building. Lana was walking happily in front of them.  
  
“I am so sorry for the weekend”, Harry broke the silence that was lingering around them.  
  
Louis was surprised about his sudden outburst, but he shrugged it off.  
  
“It’s fine. I understand.”  
  
“Do you? Because if I were you, I would be upset.”  
  
“I was,” Louis smiled. “But I also understand that you work in a very demanding environment.”  
  
“Thank you,” Harry smiled.  
  
“You are gay, right?” Louis fired out of nowhere.  
  
Louis shocked Harry with that question so much, that he stopped walking.  
  
“Oh, you are not.... I thought...,” Louis said embarrassed after Harry hasn’t said anything.  
  
“I am,” Harry said, “but you can’t just randomly ask questions like that.”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“It’s… I don’t know, actually. No one ever asked me directly.”  
  
Louis nodded.  
  
“Well, I didn’t know how to get that information any other way, so,” he said and Harry started to walk again, chuckling to himself. “And, I like you,” Louis said. Harry looked at him shocked. “I can’t hide it anymore. I know you must’ve noticed too. Your friends noticed, and my girl likes you, too.”  
  
Harry didn’t say anything, he seemed to be thinking hard, with his brow furrowed deeply.  
  
Was it a mistake?  
  
Louis sighed, feeling disappointed. His heart was beating really fast, he even broke a sweat, and felt his body shake – it was a mistake.  
  
“I am not asking you for anything, I am not expecting anything back from you. I a just telling you.”  
  
Harry’s only response was a dimpled smile.  
  
“Oh my gosh, I thought I did something wrong,”  Louis let out a heavy exhale, although he was still nervous. His teenage crush kicking in.  
  
“No, you didn’t do anything wrong… it’s just…”  
  
Louis sighed, “You don’t like me?”  
  
Harry shook his head immediately, nearly breaking his neck.  
  
“No, I do like you, but,” Harry was so nervous. He had to stop walking again to tame his thoughts. How was he supposed to tell someone as nice as Louis that he likes him, but they can’t be together?  
  
“You have someone else,” Louis fired again. “Oh god… Zayn?”  
  
Harry looked at him confused and then started giggling.  
  
“You are so silly, Louis. The man is engaged, you just met his fiancée,” he said after he managed to calm himself down.  
  
“Then what,” Louis said, impatient.  
  
“I have…,” Harry sighed. “I have never been in a relationship before.”  
  
Louis looked at him and started laughing. Is if it could be true.  
  
“Yeah, right.”  
  
“I am telling you the truth,” Harry said softly.  
  
Stop it, Harry, stop it right now. You will regret it, he screamed in his mind.  
  
“Are you serious? A handsome doctor like you, couldn’t find himself a decent human being… how?”  
  
Harry shrugged, looking down.  
  
“No one ever tried to hit on you?” he asked sincerely concerned that he hurt Harry.  
  
“Well, I never let anyone in, so...”  
  
“Have someone hurt you before?” Louis asked worriedly.  
  
Harry snapped his head up,  looking up at Louis in horror.  
  
“Daddy!”  
  
Louis looked up at Lana, missing Harry’s troubled eyes.  
  
Harry’s heart started to beat really fast, he tried to control himself. _He doesn’t know, he didn’t mean it this way._  
  
Louis looked at Harry and said something, but Harry couldn’t hear him, trapped in his mind.  
  
“Harry, help!”  
  
Now Harry looked at Lana, she was struggling to breathe, Louis was kneeling beside her, searching frantically through his pockets. Harry sobered up and run up to them.  
  
“I can’t find her inhaler, I must have left it in the car,” Louis said desperately.  
  
Harry put his hand in his pocket and looked at Lana who was struggling to breathe, then at Louis' worried, scared eyes. He took his rescue inhaler and put it in her mouth, gulping loudly. She took two puffs and started to breathe more regularly. Louis exhaled as if he himself had problems breathing, and Harry felt all the colours leave his face.  
  
Louis noticed the way Harry’s expression changed, and didn’t understand why? Lana was doing fine now, just had a minor attack, but everything seems to be okay now, so why is Harry so nervous?  
  
“We have to take her to the hospital”, his voice was shaking as he spoke to Louis, and it scared Louis.  
  
He nodded, Harry was a doctor, he knew what he was talking about.  
  
They took Lana to the hospital where Harry worked, as it was the closest one anyway Harry took her to the examining room and run some tests, while Louis was waiting outside. His mind was killing him, he knew Lana was okay, she looked okay, she was breathing just fine, but Harry was panicking.  
  
An hour later, Harry and Lana came back to Louis. Once Louis saw his daughter, he hugged her tightly and looked at Harry, who smiled nervously.  
  
“She is okay.”  
  
Louis was still holding his girl when he looked into Harry’s eyes for some explanation.  
  
“What happened?”  
  
“I just made some tests to make sure that attack won’t happen again. She gave me a scare. Wanted to make sure everything is fine”, he sighed. “She will be okay.”  
  
Louis nodded, “So we can leave now?”  
  
“Yes, of course, let’s go,” Harry tried to sound cheerful, but he was still nervous, not really understanding why. He figured out it must be because he didn't want Lana to suffer, as she was no longer just his patient.  
  
Harry insisted to follow them to their flat, and he invited himself in, to make sure she really was fine until she fell asleep.  
  
He was waiting in Louis’ kitchen for him to come back from Lana’s room. He was calmer now, but still worried.  
  
“I’ve finally managed to get her to sleep,” Louis sighed when he entered the kitchen.  Harry smiled. “Thank you Harry, for caring for her, I mean… Yeah, thank you.”  
  
“You don’t have to,” Harry shrugged. “It’s my job, besides, I love Lana.”  
  
“She loves you too,” Louis smiled. “Actually, she wanted me to invite you over for dinner tomorrow.”  
  
Harry smiled and looked down.  
  
“Harry,” Louis sighed. “If what I said earlier made you uncomfortable… I will take it back.”  
  
Harry shot him a glance.  
  
“No, no, please don’t. It’s not like that... I like you, I mean -”  
  
He stopped talking because what he wanted to say next, would destroy their relationship forever.  
  
Louis walked closer to him.  
  
“Then what?”  
  
Harry looked down, ashamed.  
  
“I… I never let anyone...”  
  
Louis brushed Harry’s cheek softly, then smoothed his hair.  
  
“Then, maybe you should start.”  
  
They looked into each other's eyes.  
  
“I think we deserve a chance, and I promise, I will do my best for you.”  
  
Something in Harry’s head was screaming at him, telling him to run, Louis doesn’t know what he is talking about.  
  
“Because I believe someone like you deserves all the love in the world.”  
  
Then Harry felt Louis’ lips on his and closed his eyes. He let him kiss him, even though he knew it was wrong, he knew it was a mistake. But he needed that, he needed to be showered with attention, he hasn't felt like that in years.  
  
Louis kept kissing him, and Harry started kissing back, and then Louis pulled at his hand, guiding him over to the couch in front of the TV. Harry actually haven't even realised he was kissing back. He missed it, missed the feeling of a warm body next to his, so he let himself get lose and enjoy the moment. He savoured every little touch, every kiss, for the first time in so long he forgot what was wrong with him. He got lost, letting Louis take control.  
  
The rest of the night was amazing, the snogged on the couch, enjoying each others warmth, with Harry’s head on Louis' chest and watched some romantic movies. Things couldn’t get any better, Harry felt like his heart could explode out of happiness. They were not talking much, just relishing each others presence and peace. Louis didn’t try to bother Harry, he knew  the man had a lot under his skin, but he decided they can talk later.

He felt Harry's hands fall weakly at his sides where they lied on the couch in his living room and he smiled to himself. He kissed his temple lovingly and kept watching the movie, as he felt Harry's soft breaths on his chest. It felt so natural, so much like home.   
***  
He felt hands on his body, on his back, on his stomach, then these hand travelled up to his neck, and pressed tightly, choking him. He couldn’t breathe or move, he felt paralysed. He couldn't move, he couldn't defend himself, he couldn't breathe,  the hands were going to suffocate him!  
  
“Harry, Harry! Wake up, please!”  
  
Harry opened his eyes, Louis was looking at him with worried and confused eyes.  Harry started to shake, his whole body was shivering uncomfortably. He stood up frantically, he needed to know where he was. He was still Louis’ flat.  
  
“It’s just a bad dream,” Louis said, trying to grab his hand, but Harry jumped away.  
  
“No, no, no, no, don’t touch me!”  
  
Louis was taken aback and his eyes widened.  /It was a mistake, Harry, a huge mistake/. Harry tried to get his breathing back to normal, but it wasn’t working, he was breathing too fast, his heart hurt and was beating really fast causing him a panic attack.  
  
Louis stood up, watching him cautiously, “It’s okay Harry, do you know where you are?”  
  
Harry didn’t respond so Louis stood directly in front of him.  
  
“I am Louis, your neighbour. You are at my place, remember?”  
  
Again he tried to get Harry out of his trance, by touching his hand but Harry took a step back, whispering weakly, “Please, don’t touch me.”  
  
He ran to the door, put his shoes on, grabbed his phone and keys. He felt like he was still suffocating and had the urge to run away.  
  
“Harry, what are you doing?”  
  
Harry avoided meeting his eyes.  
  
“I am sorry… I am sorry, I need to leave.”  
  
With the corner of his eyes, he saw Lana looking at them and it felt like a stab in the chest,  a reminder of the mistake he made. He looked at Louis one more time before he ran out of the flat, not caring about the elevator, he used the staircase to get to his flat. He was still trembling when he reached his place, he struggled to open the door. His vision was blurred and he hated himself. He closed the door and leaned on it, trying to calm himself down. It hit him that he still couldn’t breathe and he touched his pocket looking for his inhaler but he didn’t find it. The thought that he is going to die from an asthma attack crossed his mind. His chest was tightening and he was getting dizzy, so with the last bit of energy, he ran to the bathroom. He didn’t even take of his clothes before he jumped in the shower cabinet and turned on the hot water. He slid down the wall, hugging his knees to his chest, letting the water to soak his clothes and letting the vapour to open his lungs again. He didn’t know if he was getting better or not, he didn’t deserve to get better. Maybe he deserves to die this way; alone in his bathroom, drowning in his mucus. It’s the best way to die, he was too weak to end his life with his own hands and finish the job. If he dies this way, he wouldn’t have to worry, it would be someone else's job.  
  
He didn’t realize he was crying until a strong sob broke through his mouth. Life was not fair. He likes Louis, he likes his daughter, but he can’t let them love him. It’s not fair to them, he can’t destroy their lives just like that. So he cried and cried and cried. He told himself he stopped crying for himself a long time ago, but at that moment, he couldn’t stop. He hated his life but he didn’t pity himself, he was simply disgusted and just wanted to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you again on Wednesday!
> 
> Anddd.... I apologize if it's hard to read because of the mistakes. I put it through grammarly before I updated, and it showed 150 advanced mistakes hahaha. Ouch.


	4. Chapter 4

Harry didn't know how much time he has had spent in the bathroom. He didn't move, too afraid to leave his spot. He was hugging his knees to his chest as buried his head between them. He wasn’t trapped in there physically but mentally by his past, in his awful memories, that paralysed his body. The memories he tried so hard to lock away, deep in his mind, but he never could run away from them. They were hunting him in his sleep and sometimes when he was awake, like in that moment. 

And he couldn’t move, couldn’t run away from them. They were following him everywhere.

The hot water turned cold and he started to shake from the sudden change of the temperature. He managed to breathe even though his chest was hurting. He couldn’t stop the tears running from his burning eyes. How long has he been in there? He didn't know, neither did he care.

Suddenly the water stopped hitting him and two hands grabbed his arms. He was going to panic again, but when he looked up, he saw Louis’ face. Those blue eyes were looking at him with worry and tears. Harry felt ashamed but couldn’t break the eye contact and as unreal as it was, he felt safe at that moment. He nearly felt at home and it was all he needed and craved - to feel wanted and comfortable, even if it was only a temporary feeling that was going to disappear when he finally comes back from his trance. 

Louis helped him to stand up and immediately Harry felt weak and could barely hold his weight on his knees which made Louis even more upset and anxious.

Louis helped Harry get out of the shower cabin and sat him on a closed toilet seat. Harry still tried to catch his breath, but he failed and started coughing hard, wheezing weak poofs of air. 

Louis understood what was happening, it actually was the reason he was there in a first place. He took Harry’s inhaler from his pocket and put it close to his mouth. 

Harry closed his eyes as he was letting the medicine travel down his throat and he finally could breathe again. He was sitting with closed eyes and tried to calm down his body, putting those memories at the back of his mind, just like he had to for the past nine years of his life. He felt ashamed and humiliated because he allowed Louis to see this horrible side of him, his weakest side that no one ever saw besides Zayn. 

“Are you okay now, love?” Louis asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

Harry had to face Louis, no matter how badly he did not want to. He had to explain what had happened earlier and what he witnessed a few seconds ago. He felt the strong urge to end the relationship between them as it was exhausting him and he couldn’t handle it. It was making him feel weak and unable to keep up his fake façade he build in the past years.

Harry opened his eyes to look at him and he knew he was screwed, so he nodded slightly in a response. 

“I am okay,” his voice sounded weird even to him and he hated what he heard; a suffocated, broken voice full of weakness. 

“You need to change this clothes,” was Louis’ answer as he put his hand on Harry’s back. 

Harry only nodded and tried to stand up. However, he needed Louis’ help as he was still dizzy. 

“What can I do?” Louis asked anxiously. 

Harry tried to smile because he knew Louis couldn’t do anything to help at all. Harry was a closed case and everyone was going to find it out sooner or later. 

“I will be fine.”

Louis nodded but kept holding Harry’s arm, supporting his weight. They walked together out of the bathroom and towards Harry’s bedroom. Louis noticed how terribly Harry was trembling the whole time so he put his arm around Harry’s waist to keep him from falling down. 

In Harry’s bedroom, Louis helped him to sit down on the bed and watched his every move. 

“I am okay,” Harry said in a monotonic voice. 

“Okay, sure, yeah,” Louis nodded, not really believing him. “What if you change your clothes and I will make you some hot tea?”

Harry looked down, too ashamed to meet his eyes, so Louis put a hand on his shoulder. 

“Hey, everything will be okay, Harry.”

And then he left the room.

Louis did not expect it at all. He had to admit that he was confused and surprised with the way Harry behaved earlier, but he was not prepared for what he saw in his apartment. 

Lottie came to pick up Lana because they were supposed to spend a few days together. He was packing Lana’s stuff and when he was putting her inhaler and medication in her bag, he noticed they still had Harry’s inhaler with them. He decided it’s a pretty good excuse to confront Harry. 

When the girls left, he left his apartment to make Harry a visit. He was also hoping he would get some explanation from the last time they saw each other. He knocked on the door, but no one answered. He waited for couple more minutes and called his phone. Harry did not answer again, but Louis heard the phone ringing inside of the flat and he figured out it means he must have been inside, which made him feel a little bit worried.

He eventually decided to call Zayn and tell him what happened. He did not expect him to panic though, but Zayn sounded very distressed and asked Louis not to leave. He told him where the extra keys were, pleading him to get inside and look for Harry. He explained that something must have happened, but Louis was not ready for what he was about to see. 

When he entered the flat, everything seemed to be quiet and normal. He called Harry’s name a few times but got nothing in response. When he got closer to the bathroom door he heard a running water and a splash, which alarmed him. He knocked on the door, calling Harry’s name the last time before he decided to get in. And that’s when he saw him. 

Harry was sitting on the floor of the shower cabinet, still wearing his clothes, his body was shaking intensely. Louis rushed inside and turned the tap off, and hissed when the cold water hit his hand. He considered touching Harry, but he was afraid of how he might react. The way Harry looked at him, like it was normal, the way he tried to make it seem like it’s not bad, broke something inside Louis.

Later, when he was in the kitchen making tea, Harry came in wearing clean, dry clothes and tried to act it off as if nothing happened and tried to mask how badly his body was still shaking. 

Louis looked at him trying to say something, but he couldn’t find any words to say. 

“I am sorry,” was Harry’s first words.

Louis was still looking at him, and he tired again, “I am really fine.”

“I made you tea,” was all he replied with a sigh. 

Harry walked closer and sat on the kitchen table and took the cup in his hands. He tried really hard not to spill anything, but his hands were shaking so bad, that he had to put the cup back down before he even got the taste. 

Louis watched him intensely the whole time but pressed his mouth shut instead of saying something. 

“I am okay,” Harry murmured, looking down at his socked feet.

“Stop saying that, Harry. You are not okay,” Louis shook his head.

“I am okay,” he said firmly, still avoiding eye contact because he knew that if he looked him in the eyes he will let himself break and reveal the truth, and he couldn’t let it happen. 

Louis moved closer to put his hand on Harry’s in a calming gesture, but Harry flinched away, confusing Louis even more. 

“I am sorry, I am so sorry,” Harry said, rubbing his face with his hands. 

“What’s going on?”

Harry didn't say anything, so Louis spoke up again: “Harry, come on. I need to help you somehow. Last night you were just fine, what happened in the morning? What’s going on?”

Harry couldn’t form words again, focusing really hard not to cry again. He had to control his emotions, he did not understand why he was crying so much.

“I guess you need some sleep, you look exhausted,” Louis said finally when he realised he won’t get any word from him today. 

Harry nodded in agreement. He needed sleep, he was so tired he could barely keep his eyes open and he desperately wanted to shut his mind down.

“Come on, we will talk later,” Louis was about to help Harry stand up when the doorbell stopped him mid-way. “That must be Zayn, he was really worried about you.”

Louis left the kitchen, leaving Harry alone and the later couldn’t control himself anymore. He felt pathetic, he felt dirty, like a waste of space. He was twenty-eight and there he was, crying for his weak self, unsteady and emotionally exhausted. Just like he felt nine years ago. 

When he heard the footsteps coming, he dried his tears immediately, expecting Louis to come back, but only Zany showed up at the door. The look on his face was easy to read, he was worried and nervous. He stopped at the entrance, to look at his friend and the tears were already formed in the corners of his eyes. Harry looked behind, waiting for Louis to show up as well. 

“He left," Zayn said softly. “He was a nervous wreck, and I told him it would be better for him to go.”

Harry nodded, looking down, allowing the tears run all over his face because the only reason to hold them just left. He didn’t have to control himself in front of Zayn. He was exhausted anyway, and he felt all of his energy leaving him.

“Tell me, what happened?”

“I am so stupid, Zayn”, Harry whispered, looking at him. “I am so stupid. You are so stupid. Why have I allowed this to happen?” 

“What are you talking about?” Zayn asked worriedly. 

Harry shrugged and buried his face in his hands as he sobbed. Zayn hugged him hastily, patting his back as Harry allowed himself to cry in his lap. 

Harry went to sleep after he broke down in Zayn’s arms. His friend couldn’t leave him until he made sure Harry was deep asleep. It was hard for him to see Harry like this, but he couldn’t do anything to make it better and it made him feel guilty. He was the one who dragged Louis to his birthday party, he was the one who pushed them closer to each other, and whatever happened after, was all his fault. Harry figured him out and was mad at him but all he wanted was to give Harry a reason to stay, and he hoped Louis would be good enough for him. Maybe he was wrong.   
***

The next morning Louis had to go to his office, he was late even though he couldn’t sleep at night and when the alarm started ringing, he was still awake. He didn’t want to go to work, his mind kept drifting away and he was unfocused. He couldn’t stop thinking about Harry. He wanted to know what demons Harry was fighting and why he was like this. He wanted to ask Zayn the day before, but he saved it for later. 

Every time he closed his eyes, he saw was hunted by Harry’s broken eyes. He felt bad for him and he truly, honestly wanted to help him but he didn’t know what to do or where to start. 

He was working on his laptop, putting his headphones on to use music as a distraction, when Liam suddenly called his name. 

Louis looked at him confused and put the headphones down. 

“I called you a few times man.”

“What?” Louis asked out of countenance.

“Penny for your thoughts? You were late, you are barely here with me, and you don’t even work properly… What’s wrong?”, asked Liam. 

“There is nothing wrong," Louis sighed. “I just wasn’t listening, it’s all. What do you want? I need to finish this design.”

“Someone is cranky today,” Liam raised a brow. “I don’t want anything. I am going to get some coffee, would you like anything?”

Louis shook his head looking back at his laptop and put the headphone back on his head, signalling the end of the conversation. Liam left the office and Louis sank into his chair. He knew Liam was worried and won’t stop asking until he gets what he wants, as stubborn as he is. However, Louis did not feel like talking at all, he himself didn’t know what was happening, so how could he explain? 

Seconds later Louis saw a movement in the corner of his eyes, but ignored it, thinking it was Liam who forgot his wallet as usual, but then he felt someone sitting beside him. Louis turned his head to see the one and only, Harry. 

Harry was moving his lips, but Louis couldn’t hear a word. He was so confused that his brain couldn’t even process what was happening. Hastily, he put his headphones down, looking stunned at Harry. 

“Can we talk?” Harry asked after he licked his lips nervously. 

Harry looked different, he wasn’t happy as usual nor he looked broken like yesterday, but something seemed off with him. 

“What are you doing here?” Louis asked, still not believing his own eyes.

Harry smiled.

“I need to talk to you, I reckon I owe you a lot of explanation.”

“You don’t owe me anything,” Louis almost whispered.

“Thank you, but still, can we go and talk somewhere? I will understand if you are busy.”

Louis shook his head standing up, “No, I have nothing to do. There is a coffee shop down the road, they have really nice stuff. Let’s give it a shot.”

“Okay,” Harry stood up after him. 

Louis walked in front of Harry, leading the way when suddenly Liam showed in front of his face. 

“Where are you going?” he asked confused, holding a cup of takeaway coffee in his hand. 

“Out,” Louis tried to ignore him.

“And who’s accompanying you?” Liam said looking at Harry with a smile. 

Harry had to interfere, so he offered his hand for Liam to shake. “I am Harry Styles, Louis’ neighbour.”

Liam raised a brow looking at Louis and then accepted and shook Harry’s hand, “Liam Payne, Louis’ best friend. Nice to meet you, Harry.” 

Harry smiled sincerely. “Nice to meet you too.”

“Are you quite finished, Liam?” Louis sighed. “Come on, Harry, let’s go.”

Harry smiled at Liam again and then followed Louis out off the office.  
***

In the coffee shop, Harry and Louis were sitting in the quiet corner, both had their drinks in front of the and Louis noticed how nervous Harry was. He didn’t want to push him and waited patiently, letting Harry say whatever he felt like he had to say. However, he hoped that Harry will finally explain himself. 

But Harry wasn’t actually talking, he was just rambling and talking about regular stuff. He asked about Lana, acting like nothing happened the previous day. Luckily, after a couple of minutes, he finally addressed the elephant in the room: “I am sorry about yesterday, Louis”. 

Finally! 

Louis looked at him and pressed his mouth shut, waiting for more.

Harry was really nervous, his hands trembling slightly. He locked his eyes on his cup hot chocolate, as a miserable attempt not to look at Louis.

“I didn’t want you to see me in that… state,” he chuckled. “I am not always like that.”

Louis nodded, chewing his bottom lip as he watched Harry. He wanted to touch his hand to calm his nerves but he didn’t want to scare Harry or make him uncomfortable like the last time. 

“I was… having a breakdown, I guess,” Harry said sounding angry at himself for allowing it to happen. 

“Harry, it’s okay,” Louis said, trying to make it easier for him. 

“It’s not okay, I can’t do it,” he shook his head. 

“You can’t do what?" Louis frowned. 

Harry wiped the single tear that was threatening to run down his face for a long time. He took a deep breath. 

“This isn’t working.”

“But…,” Louis looked at Harry, he was not able to form any other words. 

“No. It’s not working. I can’t do it. I think…. It was not working form the start,” he said with shredded breath.

Louis was watching the man in front of him intensely. His hunched down figure, the unshaded tears in his eyes, the slight tremble to his lip. He finally nodded.

“May I know, why?” he said calmly. Harry still avoided looking at I him, so Louis added, “Harry, can you look at me please, and tell me why?”. He knew he was pushing him, but he had to. If Harry was ending this relationship before it even started, he has to know why, he wanted to understand and he felt like he deserved that. Louis also hoped, that if he knew the reason, he could fight for them both if Harry gave up. 

Harry closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, seemingly to calm himself down. 

“What did I do wrong?”

Harry opened his eyes finally looking at him with a pained expression. 

“It’s not you...”

Louis caressed his forehead with his fingers, sighing angrily.

“Oh god, I can’t believe you are using this line!”

Harry swallowed his tears, looking at Louis. He felt his heart ache because he made Louis angry. On the other hand, making him angry at the moment was better than hurting and breaking his hear later. 

Louis didn’t give up.

“I know there is something wrong with you. It makes you scared to get close to anyone. You get alarmed when someone tries to touch you. Harry, please, what happened to you?” 

Harry looked down trying to calm his breathing. Louis knew he can’t let Harry go this easily, something made him feel like he had to fight for this.

Louis put his hand on Harry’s forgetting about the non-existent barrier between them and he felt how Harry tensed, but he didn’t let go, just squeezed in a caring gesture. 

“It’s okay, I won’t hurt you. Tell me what happened so I can find a way to help you.” 

Harry looked at Louis’ hand and then deep in his eyes. He looked genuinely serious and honest and Harry couldn’t take it. 

“You can’t help, because there is nothing wrong with me. We are just not meant to be,” he said sternly. 

One look at Harry’s face and Louis knew the words are not real, it’s just a façade. He tried to look strong like it didn’t bother him, but Louis saw through it, he saw a scared man he really was, not a cruel heartless person he was trying to be. 

“Please, don’t do it,” he whispered.

Harry took his hand away from Louis’ grip and again avoided looking directly at him. 

“You are a good man, Louis. You have a beautiful daughter and both of you can make it without me. We can't make us happen. It won’t work.”

Then he stood up and Louis tried his chance one more time, “I need a reason. I can’t let you go that easy!”

Harry looked him deep in his eyes and said: “But I can.”

And left. 

Louis watched him leave through the glass door, as we walked down the street. He was looking at the ground again, not caring if people bumped into him, he looked broken. 

Louis made a promise to himself that it wasn’t the end. He won’t let Harry go just like that. Harry might have left him, but he is not leaving Harry. He knew Harry was running from something, not from him. He won’t let Harry run away from his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Penny for your thoughts? 
> 
> See you again on Sunday.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blood, a lot of blood  
> mentions of implied suicide thoughts

Louis stood in front of the doors to Zayn's house, waiting for someone to open. Two days earlier, Harry decided to end their relationship (as if you could call it that), and then disappeared. Louis tried to look for him, but he didn't know where he should start, so there he was, standing in front of Zayn's house, hoping to find Harry there.  
  
Finally, Zayn opened the door and looked sincerely surprised, when he saw Louis at his doorstep.  
  
"Louis? Is everything okay?" he asked.  
  
Louis was angry, and couldn't keep his cool, "Actually no, Zayn. Where is he?"  
  
"Harry?"  
  
"Yes, Harry. Where is he?" Louis said, impatient. He felt like Zayn was fooling him.  
  
"You mean, he isn't home?" Zayn asked, genuinely confounded.  
  
"Cut the attitude, Zayn. I am sure you know where he is."  
  
Zayn sighed, making a room for Louis to get inside, "Get in..."  
  
"So, you do know where he is?" Louis was fuming.  
  
"I don't know, but I might have an idea."  
  
Louis entered the house and followed Zayn to the kitchen.  
  
"Gigi isn't here, so the only thing I can make is tea. Is that okay with you?" Zayn asked politely and Louis understood he was trying to be nice.  
  
"I don't need your tea," he huffed.  
  
"Come on Louis, I am trying to help here."  
  
"Tea is fine," Louis said finally. After all, Zayn was really decent with him, even though Louis invaded his house.  
  
Zayn offered him to sit down on one of the chairs around the kitchen table while he kept making the tea.  
  
"Where is he, Zayn?" Louis asked, he was really impatient.  
  
"In Cheshire," Zayn answered, preparing two cups.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
Zayn sighed, pouring the hot water into the cups. He gave Louis his cup and sat in front of him.  
  
"It's his hometown. His mother is buried there."  
  
Louis nodded slowly.  
  
"He called two days ago," Zayn continued. "Said he will visit his mum, but I thought it was going to be just a one day trip. I took the past days off of work, so I didn't know he was not back yet."  
  
Louis nodded, taking a sip of his tea.  
  
"Okay, what happened?" Zayn asked, curious.  
  
Louis took a deep breath, "I really don't know. I mean, one night we are okay, on the first steps in the relationship and the next, you know what happened…"  
  
Zayn nodded because he saw the aftermath, but he didn't actually know what caused Harry's reaction.  
  
"I saw him the next day," Louis continued. "He spoke to me like he would usually do as if nothing happened. And out of nowhere, he decided to end it. He said we won't work and I tried to convince him we could, but it seems like he already made his decision."  
  
Zayn nodded. He understood everything but didn't interrupt Louis as he wanted to hear more.  
  
"What happened to him?" Louis asked. "Did someone hurt him so bad that he is afraid of getting involved in any other relationship? And please, don't tell me he is okay, I have my eyes, Zayn, I see he is not okay."  
  
"He is not…," Zayn said softly, avoiding meeting Louis' eyes.  
  
Louis looked at him taken aback. He had his suspicions but hearing it out loud from someone else was a different sensation.  
  
"He is not okay," Zayn said firmly this time. "But I can't tell you the reason, he needs to tell you himself."  
  
"Fuck..." Louis whispered.  
  
"I am sorry, Louis," Zayn smiled bitterly. "I like you and everything and I want to help, but this is not my story to tell. He will be mad at both of us if he knew I told you. I can't risk that."  
  
Louis felt like all his anger left his body. It's okay if Harry had the motive to act like he did, but he needed to know what's wrong. He needed to talk to him again.  
  
"Call him. Ask him when he will be back," Louis looked at Zayn, but he didn't react. "Come on,  call him."  
  
Zayn shook his head, "I don't think it's a good idea..."  
  
"Why is that?"  
  
"I think you should do what he wants you to."  
  
What he wants, means accepting that their relationship was over, before it had a chance to blossom. Louis wasn't ready to give up just yet.    
  
"Nothing happened Louis. It was just one night, you can let it go and forget about him. Move on."  
  
"Are you serious?" Louis looked at Zayn confused. "You were the one who convinced me to-"  
  
"I was wrong," Zayn interrupted.  
  
Louis stood up from his seat, with an angry frown on his face. "What are you hiding here? Why are you making this so hard?"  
  
"It would be better if you let it go, trust me," Zayn said calmly.  
  
"Fuck you," Louis spat, pissed off. "I am not a puppet in your hands, I will do what I want," and he left Zayn alone, slamming the doors behind.  
  
***  
Harry avoided Louis for a whole week, not answering his phone calls. Actually, he didn't answer anyone's calls. He didn't go to work, just lied in his childhood bed at his old house, doing absolutely nothing. He spent the whole time wondering, why him? Why he had to suffer so much, why did have to live in this messed up misery? Gemma, his sister was the only reason he was sane during that time. She took a good care of him and was happy to see him again. But she started to get worried and started asking questions, too many questions so he had to leave again, pretending everything was fine.    
  
He was leaving his apartment building in the morning. He had to go back to work, they were looking for him and Zayn left hundreds of voice messages, telling him he is going to get fired if he won't come back soon. The hospital already made a lot of exception regarding his case, and they could use any of it, to excuse firing him.  
  
Harry just left his building and decided to take a walk to the hospital, when he heard his name being called. He knew that voice, he avoided that voice for the past week.  
  
He turned around and he saw Louis standing a few steps away from him, hand in hand with Lana. The Louis said something to Lana, maybe asked her to wait, because after that Louis came closer, while Lana stayed in her place.  
  
"You are back, finally?" Louis asked.  
  
Harry nodded slightly. He though Louis would forget about him, he prayed for it, even though he couldn't stop thinking about him.  
  
"I called you Harry," Louis said, trying to get Harry to say something, but Harry just stared at him, dumbfounded. Louis walked closer and whispered: "I can't do this," disappointed.  
  
"We talked about this, Louis," Harry finally said.  
  
Louis shook his head, "No WE didn't, you did."  
  
"It's over."  
  
"No, it's not, I still need to talk to you, I still need to tell you how I feel."  
  
"I don't care," Harry yelled, not knowing what else to do, he was tired of fighting for it.  
  
"Yes, you do!" Louis yelled back. Then he took a deep breath, to calm himself down. "Harry, please. I  feel like we both can work it out, just tell me what's wrong and I will help you, I promise. I can't just let you-"  
  
"Lana!" Harry yelled, interrupting Louis and then ran past Louis, and ran straight in front of the cars in the middle of the street.  
  
Harry saw Lana chasing a little kitten, then the kitten ran straight on the busy street, and Lana followed him, not paying attention to the coming cars. When Harry saw her running towards the car, he ran to rescue her. He saw the car coming, and he saw her body freezing and all he could do was jump there, push Lana out of the way,  taking the whole impact on his body. He felt being hit hard, then he lost his balance and got hit again, from the other side, then his body landed lifelessly on the ground. There was a silence for a few seconds, the only thing Harry could hear was his erratic breathing, then his ears were whistling. He felt a burning sensation tearing up his left side, and he became alert. He can't get hurt, he can't bleed. He stood up automatically in aftershock and looked around him. He felt dizzy, but Lana was his priority, he had to make sure she was okay.  
  
Everything was spinning around him and his vision was blurred, but he didn't care. Lana, where was Lana?  
  
"Are you okay, sir?" someone asked, maybe the driver.  
  
Harry tried to look at him, but he only could make out a figure coming closer. Harry blinked, confused, trying to see clearly.  
  
The man spoke again, "Sir, you are bleeding."  
  
No, no, no. NO.  
  
The first thing that came up to Harry's mind was his side since it was hurting really bad, and he saw the blood running down through his shirt.  
  
The man moved closer.  
  
"You need help, sir," he said trying to grab Harry, to help him stand properly or calm down.  
  
"Don't touch me," Harry yelled, taking a few weak steps back. "Stay away!"  
  
"Sir, you hit your head, you are in shock. Please calm down, you need help, you're only making it worse," the man tried again.  
  
"Stay there… Don't come any closer, please,"  Harry yelled weakly, vulnerable.  
  
He extended his hand to stop the man and looked around. A lot of people have gathered around them – his worst nightmare coming to life. Everyone will know his secret.  
  
Then, he saw Louis moving between people, calling his name. His face was pale and he was shaking.  
  
"Harry, oh my god, you are bleeding," he said weakly, trying to touch him.  
  
But Harry stopped him, just like he stopped the driver.  
  
"Don't touch me," he snapped.  
  
"You are bleeding," Louis ignored him.  
  
Harry shouted in pain, when he pressed his hand to the wound, trying to stop the bleeding. He was sweating really bad and his face was still confused and twisted in pain.  
  
"Stop right there, Louis. Where is Lana?"  
  
Louis couldn't take his eyes from Harry's hand, now covered in blood.  
  
"She is fine, she just got a scratch, she will -"  
  
Harry interrupted him, whimpering: "No, no no, why?" He looked up to the sky, feeling tears in his eyes. Then he looked at Louis. "Take her to the hospital, now," he said sternly.  
  
Louis looked at him, confused.  
  
"It's just a scratch Harry. But you need to go..."  
  
Harry locked eyes with Louis.  
  
"Take her now, I beg you. I am so sorry Louis, I am s sorry…," he started crying. His whole world falling down.  
  
Louis froze, he had no idea what was going on.  
  
"What's wrong?" he asked.  
  
Then Lana showed up from behind him, looking at Harry.  
  
He was bending down from the pain, but when he saw her, his eyes filled with panic and he tried to get as far from her as possible, moving frantically.  
  
  
Harry looked around, people were still watching them, looking at them with worry and concern written all over their faces. He had to say it. He knew their expressions will change to disgust and fear, but he had to do it for Lana. He took took the risk.  
  
His gathered his strength, taking a shattered breath, with tears running down his cheeks like a river.  
  
"Take her to the hospital," he said, his voice breaking. "Tell them she got a cut while..." he tried really hard to control his voice. "While HIV positive patient was bleeding next to her."  
  
Louis didn't move at first. He looked horrified, his eyes piercing through Harry. But Harry was looking around, his lips trembling. All the people around them shared the same look with Louis. They started to move away, some even run. Even the driver who tried to help him looked at him with shock and terror and mouthed "sorry" before he jumped back to his car and drove away.  
  
All of the people who gathered around them were gone, and Harry looked down, breathing erratically. He couldn't face Louis.  
  
"I am sorry. I am s sorry… You need to take her, now. Please."  
  
Louis took a few steps back, still looking at Harry. When he finally locked eyes with him, he saw Louis shielding Lana from him, behind his back. Harry blinked, and the last thing he saw, was Louis' back, as he was almost running with Lana in his arms.  
  
Harry looked around. This is his life. Hurt and alone, with no one to help or even say that things will be okay. Harry faced his worse fear, and he got what he expected. He was glad his heart got broken nine years ago when he got the news. Now he just felt empty.  
  
He glanced at Louis' running form, already far away from him. He was sure this was the last time he will see him.  
  
He looked down, trying to calm himself. He felt dizzy and weak, and he was afraid of passing out in the street. He knew that he couldn't hope for any help if it happened, no one would get closer, too afraid of getting infected.  
  
He took a few steps towards his building. When people saw him coming, they spread away,  making him a path, so he could walk, far away from them. His face was scrunched in pain, yet no one moved to help, their faces were either blank or filled with useless pity. They looked at him, spoke about him. He heard awful words about him and he knew it was a matter of time before he had to move out of this building. No one will treat him like they used to.  
  
He made sure his blood didn't stain the floor underneath him as he made his way to the elevator. He got inside, eyeing the janitor, who was watching him. The man followed him to the elevator, and got inside with him. Harry didn't understand, he was sure the man saw everything.  
  
"You need to get out," Harry uttered.  
  
The janitor ignored him, pressing the button for him.  
  
"I don't have open cuts, Doctor Styles," he stated.  
  
Harry looked at the wound with tired eyes. There was too much blood. Then he saw the janitor offering him his jacket, with a small smile. "It will be okay," the man offered kindly.  
  
Harry took the jacked gratefully and presses it to his wound. He tried really hard to control both his physical and emotional pain. The elevator's doors opened and Harry got out, followed by the janitor. Harry was so weak, he had to use the wall to be able to move forward.  
  
"Can I get you anything?"  
  
Harry shook his head. He was prepared and had everything he needed in his apartment. The antiseptic, needles, medical threads. He was sure he needed stitches and he was ready to do them himself.  
  
Once he got inside his flat, he took his phone out of his pocket, he needed to call Zayn to make sure he will take care of Lana.  
  
"Hi Harry," Zayn said cheerfully, once he picked up.  
  
"Zayn, something happened," Harry said with a shaky voice.  
  
"What's wrong?" Zayn asked, sounding worried.  
  
Harry touched his wound and hissed.  
  
"There was an accident… Lana is okay but I am bleeding and she was bleeding… I fucked up Zayn. Louis is on the way to get there," he said very fast.  
  
"Shit Harry, how bad are you? Fuck, I am coming," he said and Harry heard shuffling on the other said.  
  
Harry walked to the bathroom, and opened his cupboard and took out his first aid kit.  
  
"No, Zayn, I am okay, I need you to take care of her," he said sternly and hung up, letting the phone fall to the ground. He locked the door, knowing that Zayn will be there in no time, but he couldn't allow him to get near him while the blood was everywhere. He is not taking that risk.  
  
With a shaky hand, he opened his first aid kit and sat on the floor in the shower cabinet. He took off his shirt with a huge effort, his whole body hurt and he was becoming weak,  as the adrenaline from the hit started to wash off. He looked at his damaged skin. The wound was big, but not deep. It hurt and he felt a burning sensation.  
  
He took the antiseptic bottle and opened it. He knew it will burn like hell, so he folded his shirt and put it in his mouth, to bite on it. He poured the antiseptic and he felt the electric hit, his whole body shook intensely. He tied to take a deep breath through his nose, biting hard on his t-shirt to the point where his jaw hurt. His screams were muffled by the material and his face was dripping with tears. He arched his back as if trying to get away from the pain. It was so much he got nauseous.  
  
He looked at the wound again through the tears. He knew that what's to come is worse. He knew he needed surgical suture, he had to go to the hospital, but he won't risk other peoples life. He took the needle and the thread in his hand and looked at his side. He had to do it.  
  
He held the needle with attached suture and he pressed the needle into his flesh. He screamed again into his t-shirt. His legs were shaking, tears mixed with sweat were dripping from his face, but he needed to focus. He did the first stitch, and he was about to do the second one, fighting the overwhelming need to close his eyes, when he heard the banging on his door.  
  
"Open up!" Zayn shouted. "Let me help you, Harry. Please!"  
  
Harry shook his head swearing in his mind. He knew Zayn couldn't hear or see him, but he didn't care. He pressed the needle into his side again, whimpering loudly.  
  
Zayn banged on the door again.  
  
"Please, Harry," Zayn begged. "Let me help you."  
  
He couldn't let him in, he couldn't risk Zayn's health.  
  
Zayn hit the door again.  
  
"Please, I know what I am doing, I am a doctor for fuck's sake, open the fucking door," he was angry and frustrated.  
  
Harry ignored Zayn, and finished the third, fourth, fifth and still counting. The wound was still opened, he needed more.  
  
"You will be okay, Harry", he heard Zayn sliding down the door. "You will be okay, I will stay with you buddy, you can do it."  
  
And he knew his friend was crying, his voice broke at the end. And it pained Harry, but it had to be done.  
  
Harry finished the work, but he was so weak and in so much pain. He finished the two last stitches that filled the room with his screams and sobs. His hands were shaking, his whole body was trembling, like he lost control over it, everything hurt and he wanted it to be over. But he knew Zayn was there, on the other side, he heard his sniffles and the movement behind the door.  
  
When he gathered the control over himself, he put the gauze over the wound and took off his bloodied pants to wash his body with water. He needed to get rid of the remaining blood. He couldn't even stand up, he washed himself sitting, with his back pressed against the wall. He felt like he was going to pass out any time now, he literally had no energy left, he was physically and emotionally drowned. He managed to wrap a towel around his waits and moved slowly to the door. He took a deep breath.  
  
"Zayn, are you still there?" he asked weakly.  
  
"Yes, yes I am here," his response came immediately.  
  
"Okay. Thank you. Can you go to my room and get me some clean clothes?" he asked.  
  
When he heard Zayn steps, he slowly opened the door to follow him but made sure to close them. He still needed to clean the whole bathroom and burn his clothes.  
  
He used the wall to prep himself when he entered his room. Zayn looked at him holding clean sweatpants, boxers and a t-shirt.  
  
Zayn examined Harry hunched form, his eyes moved directly to his covered wound and then he looked at Harry's exhausted face. His eyes were still holding tears, but he put a brave face on for his friend.  
  
"How are you feeling?" Zayn asked him finally.  
  
"Like I was hit by a train," Harry tried to joke, to ease the atmosphere.  
  
"Louis said it was a bad hit", Zayn nodded.  
  
Harry snapped his head when Zayn mentioned Louis.  
  
"She is okay," Zayn sighed. "Nothing happened to her."  
  
Harry only nodded and walked to his bed, nearly falling over on his way. But he didn't let Zayn help him. He couldn't stand any longer but he was still afraid to let Zayn touch him.  
  
"I bought you some antibiotics and new dressings."  
  
Harry nodded.  
  
"Don't use the bathroom, I still need to clean it," he warned.  
   
Zayn put the set of clothing next to Harry on the bed. "I will wait for you outside." And he left Harry alone in his room.  
  
Harry watched him leave and tried to take a deep breath but his ribs hurt. He knew there was something wrong, maybe even broken bones. He will let Zayn examine him later. He struggled to put his clean clothes one and sat on the bed, trying to catch his breath.  
  
When he was finally safe, everything that happened hit him with a double strength, and he started crying. Everything he fought for was gone. The secret he kept for nine years to save himself got revealed. The wall he built for all those years, broke down leaving him bare to the world. Louis knew everything and he knew this is the definite end of whatever they had. He knew Louis tried to fight for them, but after the look, he gave him today, he knew he lost him forever. He was sure he won't ever be forgiven for putting Louis and his daughter in danger.  
  
Harry kept sobbing, as he lied on his unmade bed. He felt cold, but couldn't move to put the blanket over himself. Everything hurt, he was in pain, his head was spinning and his heart hurt like never before. But he deserved it. He deserved the struggle, after all, he was only a walking disease, ready to explode and hurt everyone around. And it actually happened. If he hurt Lana, he won't forgive himself.  
  
Harry heard the door being opened and Zayn walked closer.  
  
"I know you are in pain, here," Zany said softly, standing in front of him. Harry opened his eyes and saw the pills in his palm. "Antibiotics and painkillers."  
  
Harry nodded weakly and sat on the bed, wincing with every move, the bids of sweat were back on his temple. He put a hand over his chest and took the pills.  
  
"Some sedatives as well", Zayn added. "You need to sleep and rest to heal."  
  
Harry took the water from his night-stand with a shaky hand and sipped slowly. He felt he was going to throw up. Zayn took the glass from him and helped him to lie on his bed again, on his good side. Harry curled on himself lightly, as much as his body allowed him. The whole world was spinning around him.  
  
"Harry, you need to eat something."  
  
But he didn't get any answer from him, Harry just closed his eyes, he couldn't deal with the dizziness right now.  
  
"Gigi is coming over, she will look after you."  
  
"No," he whispered weakly.  
  
"Harry," Zayn stated sternly. "You got hit by a car. You have a horrible cut on your side, I can see a tone of bruises all over your body, and let's not mention the possibility of broken ribs."  
  
Harry's tears were back to his eyes, falling silently down his pale cheeks.  
  
Zayn sat on the bed next to him and put his hand in Harry's hair to pet it gently, hoping it will calm his friend.  
  
"Everything will be okay."  
  
Harry sighed in frustration.  
  
"No, it won't", he said, looking ahead and grasping the bedsheets in his hands, looking for comfort. "They know. Everyone knows. How is it going to be alright? Nothing is okay, Zayn. Nothing! You didn't see the way they looked at me," he stopped himself because his voice sounded awful, and he started to sob. Zayn grabbed his hand and squeezed. "I never wanted for it to happened Zayn..."  
  
"I know," Zayn said trying to soothe him, patting his back lightly.  
  
"They looked at me… they looked at me like I wasn't a human anymore, Zayn. They were afraid of me," he sniffed.  
  
"No, Harry. They just don't understand."  
  
"He knows now, he will hate me," Harry cried.  
  
Zayn shook his head, massaging his back, "No, he won't, I promise."  
  
But Harry kept crying. No matter how hard he tried, every time he closed his eyes, he saw the nameless faces looking at him, their horrified and judging eyes piercing through his soul. The way they run away from him, the way their faces twisted in disgust when he tried to get inside the building. Then Louis' eyes flashed in his memory, how he was looking at him, how scared he was, how he tried to hide Lana from him. And Harry cried and cried, twisting the shits helplessly, he never wanted this to happen, he can't live like this, he can't do it anymore.


	6. Chapter 6

Louis was driving Lana to Lottie’s house. The accident was three days ago, and his mind still couldn’t grasp what happened that day. Lana kept asking about Harry and Louis didn’t know what to tell her. He didn’t want her to see Harry again. He was worried and in fact, didn’t know what he should think about Styles anymore. He still remembered the fight he and Zayn had at the hospital that day when they took Lana to do the blood tests. Zayn discussed the precautions and prophylactic medication if needed. Louis was angry and when the results came clean and Zayn informed him that there was no need for medication, however, Lana should come to the hospital every three months for further tests, Louis lost his mind. He attacked Zayn, blaming him for everything like he was the reason for all of this. Zayn knew Harry was sick, yet still brought them together.   
  
“Daddy, are you mad at Harry?” Lana asked looking through the window. “I mean, he saved my life.”  
  
Louis sighed. It was true that Harry saved her life, but he also put her at risk every time they met. He tried to believe that he doesn’t need Harry in his life. Harry was a closed case for him.   
  
“I am not mad at him,” he answered flatly.   
  
“You didn’t visit him. Even Bobby, the janitor told you he was hurt. We saw the blood,” she said, looking at her father. Her eyes were upset and she tried really hard to understand Louis' decisions.   
  
“I will visit him later, Lana. I was worried about you, you are always my number one priority.”  
  
Lana sighed looking out the window again. She knew her dad was lying, “I am okay, daddy, he was the one who got hit.”  
  
Louis didn’t answer, just looked at the road ahead of him. He had to stop thinking, he couldn’t make up his mind. All he understood was that he was mad at Harry for not telling him. He has begged Harry to tell him what was wrong with him. Now he kind of understood why Harry was hiding something as important as being ill and why he tried to end their relationship. Yet, here he was being mad at him for not telling him. He didn’t even know how he got infected in the first place. He knew Harry wasn’t a bad guy but he was a doctor and it still happened. Then again, Harry must have been a victim himself and couldn’t change his life now, but he nearly infected Lana. Louis can’t risk that, he couldn’t live without Lana. But he can live without Harry.   
  
***  
  
Louis was sitting in the kitchen of his old family house. Lana was playing with his sisters. She was okay and all the fears and stress from the past three days were gone. She nearly got hit by a car, and he knew that something like that for a small girl would be a traumatic experience, so he was glad that she was dealing with it just fine.   
  
“She is asleep,” Lottie said when she entered the kitchen.   
  
Louis nodded and continued drinking his tea. Lottie sat beside him, watching him carefully. He looked at her with a raised brow, like he knew his sister had something to say.   
  
“Who is Harry?” she fired, watching Louis’ reaction. “Lana said he saved her from the accident.”  
  
“He did,” Louis nodded. “He is her doctor who also happens to be our neighbour.” And I might be in love with him, he wanted to add.   
  
“Who also happened to spend a night with you?”   
  
Louis took a deep breath, of course, Lana would tell her that Harry stayed that night. He smiled bitterly and looked at his tea.  
     
“It didn’t work out.”  
  
“It didn’t? So there was something going on?”  
  
Louis kept looking at the tea as if it could help him hide away from Lottie. He was ready to leave Harry behind, but saying it out loud felt unreal.   
  
“There was, but it it’s not anymore.”   
  
“He saved your daughter,” Lottie urged. “And Lana likes him. What happened?”  
  
Louis pressed his lips tight, he didn’t want to talk about it just yet. He wasn’t able to speak about it and he didn’t want to admit that he _still_ needed Harry and _still_ wanted more from him. He thought he could deal with it, leave it in the past, but the truth was, he couldn’t.   
  
“How sick is he?” Lottie finally asked, putting her hand on his arm and she squeezed as if she knew he needed the warmth and comfort.   
  
Louis looked at her surprised, he opened his mouth then shut it again.   
  
“Lana told me he is sick, but that’s all she knows.”  
  
Louis took a deep breath, his eyes shining a bit. Lottie squeezed his arm again.  
  
“Is this why you ended this relationship?”   
  
He didn’t end this relationship, Harry did. And he couldn’t blame him now, he was only trying to protect them.   
  
“Come on, Louis, say something,” she pressed, but her voice was still warm and concerned.    
  
Louis let his arms fall lifelessly at his sides, his back hit the back of the chair as he took a deep breath, looking up.   
  
“He has HIV.”  
  
Lottie opened her mouth to say something, but she couldn’t find any words to say. She just looked at Louis with pity and shock.   
  
“That how sick he is. He didn’t want to tell me at first when he ended our relationship, but when he saved Lana, he got a wound that was bleeding and Lana got a scratch so he told me to take her to the hospital to run tests.”   
  
“Oh my god…,” Lottie breathed heavily, still not fully recovered. “Is she okay? I mean, she didn’t get infected, right?”  
  
Louis shook his head. “They did all the test they could and gave her some shots. Now she needs to be tested every three months for a year.”  
  
Lottie put her had on her chest as she breathed out in relief. However, she was still concerned about her brother. “What about you? You haven’t got infected?”  
  
“No,” Louis shook his head. “He broke up with me when he felt it was getting serious.”  
  
“Oh, poor man,” she whispered, closing her eyes.  
  
Louis looked at her surprised, was she feeling sorry for him?  
  
“It must be hard on him, to live like that. Being a doctor too must be  a real struggle.”  
  
Louis just looked at her, so she added, “What?”  
  
“Are feeling sorry for him?”  
  
“Of course I do,” she replied. “I am sure he is a nice man, and I am sure he didn’t mean any harm, he tried to protect both of you and he tried to leave before you got too attached. It sounds like he never meant to hurt you. Don’t forget he risked his life for your daughter.”   
  
“He almost got her infected,” he said angrily.   
  
“He saved her life,” she looked at him like he was crazy. “He put his own life at risk, god Louis, he could have died. Are you seriously blaming him?”  
  
Louis looked ahead again. He didn’t know if he was blaming him or not, he could only think about Lana and how close she was to getting infected.   
  
“I wouldn’t forgive myself if Lana got infected and I would be blaming myself for allowing it to happen,” he whispered. “I just can’t deal with the idea of her having to struggle. I am not scared of him, I am afraid of ruining her life just because I like someone. Jesus, it was only a tiny scratch and she didn’t even get close to him and my whole life flashed in front of my eyes, I never been so scared in my life. Not even with her worst asthma attacks,” his voice cracked, and he hid his face in his hands. “I just don’t know how to feel.”  
  
Lottie embraced her brother, her hand softly creased his back. He needed to let it out, so she didn’t dear to speak up. Louis decided to stop talking about Harry. He couldn’t say anything else, he was so tired. He wanted to go home and sleep. He couldn’t rest properly lately, his sleepless nights filled with thoughts about Lana and it really exhausted him. His daughter nearly died hit by a car and almost got infected with a deadly disease.   
  
***  
  
Louis was alone in his flat when the doorbell rang and he got really surprised when he saw Niall at his doorstep.   
  
He looked at him confused, and for a second, he got worried about Harry.   
  
“Can I come in?” Niall asked after Louis opened the door.   
  
Louis moved aside, letting him in.   
  
“How are you?” Niall started casually.   
  
“I am okay. Would you like some tea?”   
  
“No, I am okay,” Niall shook his head. “I just had some tea at Harry’s… He’s finally getting better, by the way.”   
  
“What is this supposed to mean?” Louis asked, looking at him with a frown.  
  
“Are you mad at him? He believes you’ve been avoiding him and he sincerely thinks you are blaming him.”  
  
“I am not talking about this right now,” Louis answered, looking down at the ground.   
  
“The man just saved your daughter's life,” Niall said sternly, his whole body posture changed suddenly.  
  
“And he almost got her infected,” Louis almost yelled.   
  
“Oh my god are serious, dude?” Niall spat angrily. “Have you seen him? He has two broken ribs, a shit tone of bruises all over his body and his side was fucking cut open. And here you are, blaming him for this? Well, thank god he wasn’t thinking like you when he jumped in front of that car to take the full impact of the hit for your daughter!”  
  
“He has aids, Niall! He could infect her, he wasn’t thinking,” Louis yelled, trying to convince Niall. Or himself, at this point, he wasn’t even sure.   
  
“He was not. And he has to suffer alone. He was so afraid he could infect anyone else, that he didn’t even go to the hospital. He was bleeding really bad and he had to fix it himself without any anaesthetic on his bathroom floor! He struggled not to pass out and did it all himself, only because he was not thinking about himself...” Niall was angry but his voice was cracking at the end.   
  
Louis was shocked and hurt, he knew Harry was bleeding but he didn’t know he took care of himself all alone. He couldn’t imagine Harry on the bathroom floor, all covered in blood and trying to fight the urge to pass out.   
  
Niall massaged his temple before he sighed, “Yes, he is HIV positive, been for nine years now, but he never hurt anyone. He never thinks about himself, others are always his priority. Zayn was there and begged him to open the door so he could help him, but he locked himself in and did all the work alone. Left only when he knew Zayn was safe,” Niall continued, his eyes feeling with tears. “You don’t know him Louis, and you don’t get to judge him. Not after what he has done for you."  
  
Louis hated feeling guilty, he needed to blame Harry for what happened, he wanted to blame anyone because he couldn’t deal with it. He wasn’t thinking straight, he was angry and he felt pathetic. Harry didn’t deserve it after all.  
  
“He has aids and you and Zayn knew it and still tried to get us together. What were you thinking?” he said, still fighting the guilty feeling in his stomach.   
  
“For fuck's sake, Louis. It’s not aids, its HIV, google it or some shit and don’t blame us for this. It’s 2018, I expected you to understand that you can live with it but I see you need to fucking educate yourself. I never ever believed you would react this way,” Niall spat bitterly. He looked at Louis with furrowed eyebrows.  “Besides, you met him and you liked him. You wanted him and you can deny it all you wish, but he was trying to protect you, you were the one who fought for him, and we thought that maybe you are made for him. Him being ill shouldn’t change a thing!”  
  
“I don’t care,” Louis lied. He tried to hide his tears and control his emotions. He hated himself for thinking this way about Harry.   
  
Niall clenched his jaw looking at him, then he avoided his gaze. “Then I don’t need to be here,” he went up to the door but stopped himself before he left. “He doesn’t deserve this, Louis. He saved your daughter, he deserves better from you.” And he left the flat.   
  
Louis took a deep breath and slammed the doors behind him. He was angry and scared. Louis didn’t know what he wanted, exactly. He hated the fact that Harry was sick and he hated the fact that it was him who saved his daughter. He also hated the fact that he didn’t know what to do or what to think.   
***  
  
Louis found himself in front of the doors to Harry’s flat. He didn’t even know what he was going to say, how he could explain the past few days. He thought he can forget about him and avoid him but he had to see Harry, had to confront him.   
  
“I am coming Bobby,” Louis heard Harry say after he knocked on the door.   
  
When the door was opened, Louis saw Harry standing in front of him in just his boxers. His face was pale and sweaty, with his curls sticking to his forehead. Harry froze for a few seconds, it looked like he was not expecting Louis at all.  
  
Harry couldn’t form a world in the beginning, he just stood there, looking at him.   
  
“Louis…,” he finally whispered, when he gathered himself.   
  
Louis looked straight into his eyes and it hurt him how exhausted and dead they looked with a large dark circle around them.  
  
“Can we talk?” was all Louis could get out of himself.  
  
Harry didn’t know what to replay so he stood there, his mouth gaping and he gave up, letting Louis in.  
  
When they got inside, Louis had a better look at Harry's body. Mad looking purple bruises were covering his chest and back and a huge gauze dressing covered his whole side. Louis looked down, as he couldn’t take it anymore.   
  
“I am sorry, I was expecting  Bobby… I just changed my dressing and he was supposed to bring me my medication. Give me a minute and I will put some clothes on,” Harry said while fidgeting with his hands nervously.   
  
Louis noticed how weak and pale he got while he tried to walk faster then he should to go to his bedroom.   
  
Louis sat on the cough in the small living room and he was nervous like hell. He rubbed his hands together, wondering how he should start. Apologise first and explain himself, then thank for saving his daughter or should he thank first?   
  
“Sorry for that,” Harry interrupted his train of thoughts as he walked towards Louis wearing black sweatpants and a grey hoodie.   
  
Louis gasped when he noticed how baggy it seemed to be on him, he had drastically lost weight in the past days.  
  
“Would you like some tea?” Harry asked.   
  
Louis shook his head slowly, not wanting to make Harry exhaust himself with his presence.  
  
“Okay, but I have to drink something before taking my medication, so I will make you one anyway.”  
  
Louis nodded, letting him know he understands. Harry looked at Louis nervously, he seemed to be a bit troubled.   
  
“It’s going to take some time… Would you like to join me? I hate making you wait.”  
  
Louis followed Harry to the kitchen without saying anything, but when he got there, he stopped walking, taken aback. Everything was packed in boxes. Harry was leaving. Louis expected that, but not so soon.   
  
Harry filled the kettle with water and turned it on. Then leaned against kitchen table to support himself.   
  
“Please, have a seat,” Harry said when he noticed Louis was still standing by the door.   
  
Louis got inside without commenting on the packed boxes, and he made his way to the table. He noticed some of Harry's medicines and two packed needles and he didn’t know why, but he stopped mid-track and just stared at the needles, thinking about how he read earlier how the disease is transmitted. Infected needles were on the list, of course not in this case as these were still packed but his mind didn’t work at that moment. He saw Harry’s shaking hand picking everything from the table. Louis noticed how pained his face was when he did so and he felt ashamed of himself.   
  
Louis sat down, avoiding Harry’s eyes. He came there to fix his mistakes not to make Harry upset or to make him feel ashamed of himself.  
  
“How are you today?” he broke the silence.   
  
Harry put everything aside and tried to put on a strong face, “I am okay.”  
  
Louis nodded, pressing his mouth shut.   
  
“How is Lana?” Harry asked, the guilty feeling lingering in his gut. He felt humiliated. He looked down, as he was sure that if he looked into Louis’ eyes, they would be filled with hatred.   
  
“She is fine,” Louis said. “The doctor told me she needs to do the test every three months for the next year.”  
   
Harry closed his eyes as he felt a stab in his heart. Not at the words but at the tone in Louis’ voice. It was like he was blaming him. It seemed like Louis didn’t want to tell him or show him that he does, in fact, blame him, but it was obvious.   
  
Louis noticed the change in Harry’s features and he cursed himself for causing it, he knew he did something wrong.   
  
“She has nightmares about getting hit by a car.”  
  
“I am sorry,” Harry said softly.   
  
“It’s not your fault,” Louis shook his head. His words were sincere. “It was mine. I wasn’t paying attention to her, I was distracted.”  
  
And it hit Harry again, harder this time because it was him who distracted Louis. So Louis blamed him for the possibility of infecting his daughter and being hit by a car.   
  
“I am still sorry,” he said and turned around to pour hot water into the cups.   
  
Louis wanted to slap himself, he didn’t come here to sound like a prick, but it looked like he did.   
  
Harry put the cup of tea in front of Louis and sat on the other end of the table,as he held his cup in his hands. Louis noticed how he winced when he tried to sit down and he knew he must have been in a lot of pain. He had to hurry up and say what he was supposed to say and leave, to let Harry rest.  
  
He saw Harry press his fingers in his side while breathing heavy and his face was crunched with discomfort. Harry closed his eyes.  
  
“Are you okay?” Louis asked, concerned.    
  
Harry looked at Louis and said, “I am okay. It just…. It hurts when it heals, I will be okay,” while he looked at his side.   
  
Louis didn’t believe him, the pain was written all over his face. Louis didn’t know what to say, and they sat there in silence.  Harry watched him, waiting for him to say something.  
  
“How could you hide something like that from me, Harry?” Louis fired finally.   
  
“What?” Harry looked at Louis like it was the last thing he would expect from him.   
  
“Were you at least planning to tell me?” Louis urged.  
  
“No...” Harry said, leaving his seat.   
  
“No?”  
  
“No. I won’t let you do this,” Harry looked at him. “And no, I wasn’t planning to tell you, because I ended our relationship. You were the one who refused to let me do it. I did it so we both could avoid this situation,” he said. He was clearly angry and upset. “I like you, Louis. I like you so much. I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want you to look at me like this,” his voice cracked.  
  
“Like what?” Louis shot back. He was getting frustrated because Harry didn’t understand him.   
  
“Like this!” Harry yelled. “You are scared of me! You didn’t want to sit down in my chair! You haven’t even touched your drink!”  
  
“No...”  
  
“Yes, yes you are! You are afraid to get infected and you know what? I can’t blame you. But trust me, I never wanted to hurt you.”  
  
Louis shut his mouth. He was messing things up and he knew that Harry had a wrong idea about why he was there.  
  
“You should have told me, Harry,” he whispered weakly.   
  
“Why?” Harry yelled, but he wasn’t mad anymore, he was just frustrated. Tears were staining his cheeks now.  “Why are you here, Louis?” he asked a little calmer.   
  
Louis looked at Harry’s hurt face and he wanted to fix it. He didn’t want to see Harry so broken again.   
  
“I am-”   
  
“If you are here to blame me for Lana” Harry interrupted him, “then you are too late, I am already there.”  
  
Louis shook his head and tried to get closer to Harry, but he made a few steps back. Harry moved faster then he should and hit the kitchen counter. He bit his lips to muffle the scream that was about to come out. He hit his bad side and he could barely breathe or stand.   
  
Louis saw what happened and rushed to his side to help him up, but Harry stopped him with his hand. He was breathing hard and his whole body was hunched down as he tried to fight the pain.   
  
“I am sorry, I am so sorry,” Louis panicked.  
  
Harry looked up at him, his face was pale and he was shaken up.   
  
“Let’s end this Louis, for real this time,” Harry breathed out through his teeth.  
  
“I don’t want to end this,” Louis shook his head.  
  
“Yes, you do. You can’t handle this, you don’t want to… Why are you here?”  
  
“I have to thank you for saving Lana,” Louis sighed.   
  
Harry looked at him again and moved slowly back to his seat, “You don’t have to. I would have done it for anyone. I can’t stand seeing others suffer.”  
  
Louis closed his eyes in frustration. Everything he said so far, he said something wrong. He came there to apologize and instead, ended up making Harry upset and hurt.   
  
Louis walked closer to Harry, “I don’t want to leave, I didn’t mean to blame you or make you feel like-”  
  
“Oh shit,” Harry interrupted him. “I think you should leave,” he looked at Louis with glossy eyes.  
  
“Harry, stop.”  
  
“I am bleeding again, you should leave.”  
  
Louis stared at him in shock. He felt like he was being tested again. If he leaves him now, there would be no coming back.   
  
“Go, Louis, I can’t risk it.”  
  
Harry tried to stand up but he was too weak and his hands slipped on the table. He closed his eyes in defeat, letting the tears run freely. Louis observed him with tears in his eyes as well. He couldn’t let him suffer alone again, not after all that happened.  
  
“Shit, I can’t do this again,” Harry sobbed.   
  
“I can help,” Louis said putting a hand on his arm. He saw the blood stain that was expanding on his hoodie.   
  
“No, go away,” Harry looked at him with scared and tearful eyes. “Please,” he cracked.   
  
Louis shook his head. “Tell me how to help you.”  
  
Harry looked at his side again, the blood was flowing and his body was shaking.   
  
“You don’t have to do this alone,” Louis said, squeezing his shoulder.  
  
Harry looked at him, his bottom lip trembling. He didn’t say anything, he was fighting with himself. He closed his eyes, letting the tears run down. He can’t risk Louis' health but he knew he couldn’t do it alone again, he was too scared and in pain, and it all was too much.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, this is me feena  
> I miss you so much..
> 
> First of all I have to Thank you all for reading, and commenting it always means a lot to me.  
> And I want to Thank clumsybastard for helping me in this story.
> 
> I know it has been a while and I hate to keep you waiting, I had finished writing this story but the editing is still working, but because clumsybastard is very busy in her college ( wish her luck guys ❤) it will take longer than I expected.
> 
> So I decided to post this chapter without editing and I promise this is the only chapter that will be not edited, it's because I feel like you lost your interests in this story and I really hope you don't and keep reading.
> 
> Tell me how do you think about it, and if you like it or not..
> 
> Thank you , and enjoy

Louis was in Harry’s kitchen stirring the soup he was making in front of the stove, he had to go to his flat to bring a pan and some bowels since Harry’s stuff were all wrapped in boxes, his mind was still trapped at what happened earlier. after Harry’s wound opened again, Harry begged Louis to leave, he cried that Louis must leave, but he was shaking up from fears and Louis couldn’t leave him this way.

He helped him to the bathroom, and he was worried what would happen if Harry passed out he would be helpless, he couldn’t know what to do. Harry was not talking, just sat on the shower floor and asked Louis to bring him the first aid box, Louis did.

He was also shaking up, he didn’t know if it was the right or the bad thing, if he was stupid to stay , or how he will feel if he left Harry like this, bleeding again, struggling alone.

When Louis gave Harry the box, the doorbell rang and Louis had to leave Harry to open the door, but once he left the bathroom, Harry locked the door from inside. Louis couldn’t believe he did that, and he waited with Bobby who brought Harry his medicines. They waited until finally Harry opened the door thirty minutes later, wearing only his sweatpants, looking pale like a sheat. But again he faked his strength and let Louis help Him to his bedroom where he lied on his bed not moving. Louis gave him a clean shirt to wear, and it was only a matter of minutes, and Louis heard loud snores coming from Harry.

That was four hours ago.

So now since the soup was ready, Louis will have to wake him up and let him eat anything, he knew Harry should eat so he can heal properly.

Louis put the bowl of soup on a tray, and he then walked to Harry’s bedroom, he put the tray at the table beside the bed, he opened the light on the nightstand next to Harry, and sat on the bed by him. Harry didn’t even move, and that worried Louis a little more . Harry was breathing fast and when Louis touched his shoulder to shake him he found that he was hot, extremely hot, and his body was shivering.

He looked at his face, and he was so sweaty, his hair was completely wet, Harry was running a bad fever and Louis didn't know what was happening, or what did that mean.

“Harry..” Louis said nervously, but Harry didn’t answer him. Didn't even move.

Louis had to shake him again and this time Harry whimpered, 

“Harry please , wake up, what's wrong?”,

When he got no answer, and Harry refused to open his eyes, Louis couldn’t take it anymore, he rushed outside looking for his phone, he found it still on the kitchen table, he called Zayn,

“Louis?” he sounded confused, of course. He didn’t expect Louis to call him,

“Zayn, it’s Harry, I don’t know what is wrong with him," he said frantically,

“wow, wow, wow, hold on, what is going on?”

Louis tried to calm a little “ I am at Harry’s ,.And we were talking and then his wound was opened again, he didn’t let me help him, and Damn I know he was in pain, he slept. and then I wake him up four hours later he is burning up, and shaking like a leaf I don’t know what is the wrong"

“ shit..” it was all what Zayn said, then Louis heard shuffles from the other line, he realized that Zayn was moving,

“Shit?”

“I am on my way, okay don’t leave his side, place a damp washcloth on his forehead if you can” Louis felt panic, okay there was something really wrong with him “ I am on my way” Zayn said again before hanging up.

Louis put his phone down. He took a deep breath, he needed to think clearly now, Harry wasn’t okay, and he needed to do something about it till Zayn show up.

He looked around him, and then he opened the drawers looking for a clean cloth, finally he found a small towel and he applied some cold water from the sink on the one and only plate that was still there not in the boxes, and then he moved to Harry’s bedroom.

Harry was still at his place. Louis sat beside harry, and he looked at him heartbroken, Harry was still shaking, his hair was stuck on his forehead, Louis slowly moved his hair strands away, and he put the small damp towel on Harry’s forehead. At the start Harry’s didn’t made any responses, but Louis felt Harry was flinching, and when he looked at his face he felt his lips were moving. Harry was whispering but Louis couldn’t understand, he didn’t form a word and Louis knew he was hallucinating, he was like having a nightmare but can’t wake up from it. Harry looked he was struggling in his sleep and again Louis was helpless, 

Louis was removing the towel and soak it again in the cold water then put it back on Harry’s forehead, that when he heard some clear words coming out from Harry’s mouth,

“ Nick, please stop",

Louis looked at Harry confused, Harry didn’t say any other word but Louis knew what he heard, then Harry started to kick and move his hands like fighting something in his dream, Louis tried to stop him calling his name, but Harry was kept inside his dreams fighting, struggling, and now he started screaming,

Louis called Harry’s name multiple times, he really tried to help Harry, he held Harry’s hands so Harry’s won’t hurt himself, then suddenly, Harry opened his eyes looking frantically at Louis that was right above him restricting Harry’s hands from hurting himself , and preventing him from moving,

Harry was looking horrified at Louis, but he wasn’t moving anymore, he wasn’t fighting, but also he was still trapped in his mind.

“it’s me, Louis...”

Louis said looking at Harry trying to reassure him, then slowly he released harry’s hands .Harry was breathing fast looking at Louis terrified, a look that no one ever looked at Louis before, scared and extremely feared.

“it’s me.. Louis " he said again trying to calm Harry, Harry then closed his eyes, he put his hands on his face to cover his eyes while he cried, 

“it was just a dream, you are okay" Louis said patting Harry’s thigh.

Then the doorbell rang, Harry looked at Louis still fear in his eyes with tears, Louis would beg him now to know what happened to him , to understand Why he is so scared. 

 

“ it’s just Zayn, I called him."

Harry slightly nodded, and Louis stood up “I will answer that, it’s okay."

Harry again nodded, but he was still shaking, Louis left Harry on the bed, and almost ran to the door, he needed Zayn, and of course Harry needed Zayn more.

When Louis opened the door, he saw Zayn standing there holding a bag, he rushed inside asking Louis “ where is he?”

Louis “in his bed room"

Zayn moved followed by Louis, when Zayn entered the room, Harry was now sitting on the bed, his back on the headboard, he looked maybe relaxed a little, but still looking awful, Zayn sat beside him on the bed, looking at his friend with an examining eyes,

“what happened?” he asked putting his hand on his forehead checking his fever, while Louis leaned on the wall beside the door looking at the two men,

“I opened my wound” Harry said with raspy weak voice, he closed his eyes, resting his head on the headboard.

“you have fever too",

Harry nodded, then Zayn tried to lift Harry’s shirt, but Harry grasped his hand hastily, it surprised both Zayn and Louis, 

Harry was looking at Zayn eyes wide, then he shook his head.

Zayn sighed “Harry, your cut got infected, I have to see"

Again he shook his head “I took care of it"

“ Harry? Why are being this stubborn, you are a doctor you are sure understand”

“no..” Harry Said sternly

Then Harry looked at Louis, and it felt like he was surprised Louis was still there, like what happened five minutes ago was a part of his dream, and now he knew it wasn’t , now he realized that Louis was actually still here.

He looked back at Zayn “ I will be okay"

“would you please stop lying? I now you are not okay, let me help.. it's a part of my job Harry , our job.. how could you act this ay while you understand this disease very much”

But Harry didn’t answer that, then Zayn sighed, 

“okay, I got you some strong antibiotics, but you need to eat first”,

Again Harry didn’t answer,

“I made you some soup" Louis finally said, Harry snapped his head looking again at Louis. Louis wished to read his mind at this moment.

Zayn “that’s good, eat your soup then I will give you the medicine, are you sure you cleaned the cut perfectly”

Harry looked back at Zayn,“ I think”

“ Harry, we can’t risk this, you are a doctor for God sake, you know better, if we didn’t take good care of an infected wound, then it will be fatal” Harry chuckled.

Zayn didn’t like what Harry did, he was getting angry “ Harry...”

“I said I am okay", Harry Said sternly again.

Zayn took a deep breath. He knew how his friend can get stubborn, “okay, then eat",

Then he stood up and put the tray of food beside Harry on the bed, then he gave Harry the bowl and the spoon. 

“here, or do you want us to feed you too?” Zayn said annoyed.

“ I don’t need your help," Harry answered, 

“oh, come on, just eat" Zayn said it sounded angry, but he really wasn’t.

Harry took the bowl and started to eat, watched by both men then he looked at the bowl and at the spoon confusingly

“now what?” Zayn asked impatiently.

Harry “those are not mine", he meant the bowl and the spoon.

Louis nodded “ I had to bring those from my flat, everything here is in boxes , I didn't know where to look , so..”

Zayn cursed under his breath, he shook his head in disbelief, Louis didn’t understand what he said that made Zayn angry, but Zayn left the room watched by Harry and Louis,

Louis then looked at Harry “ what did I do?”

Harry sighed put the bowl and the spoon down “he wasn’t supposed to know that I was leaving,"

Louis didn’t say another word. He just nodded and then said to Harry “ eat..”

Five minutes later Zayn entered again, but this time with Harry’s medicine, Harry couldn’t finish his soup, took only two other spoons then he felt his stomach twisted, Louis asked him to eat more, but Harry shook his head and rested his head back at the headboard closing his eyes,

Zayn holding a needle “you need to take this"

Harry nodded, Zayn sat beside him and rolled his sleeve up, 

“it will make you sleep quietly"

Harry nodded and looked again at Louis.

Zayn said after giving him the medicine “I won’t leave, I will wait outside if you need anything.”

Harry only nodded, he couldn’t refuse and make Zayn more angry,

Zayn stood up “we will talk later."

Harry again nodded, and together Zayn and Louis left the room to let Harry have some rest,

Zany didn’t talk, he just sat in the living room staring at nothing, Louis sat beside him too, enjoying the silence, he wanted to relax a bit, it was a rough day and he did closed his eyes just to relax, next thing, when he opened his eyes, he heard voices, maybe that what wake him up. He found himself sleeping on Harry’s couch alone, no sign for Zayn.

Then he heard something like a scream, and he knew the voice, it was Harry.

He jumped up rushing towards his room, but he heard Zayn now “I am here, it’s okay Harry, calm down."

Louis stopped at the door, watching Harry crying on Zayn's shoulder, Zayn wrapping his hands around Harry and from where Louis was standing he knew that the other man was also crying,

He didn’t want to break the moment, so he leaned at the wall beside the door outside the room.

“Harry, you should go to the hospital, you scare me" Louis heard Zayn finally said,

“ no," Harry answered voice still scratchy from crying,

“Harry, please, I am worried you are getting worse"

“ no hospitals Zayn, whatever they will do to me there. You can make it here."

“No, I can’t, I need a lot of things, I have to do a lot of blood tests to make sure there is no blood toxicity, I need to check your heart rate, you blood sugar, your blood pressure. It’s serious Harry , why are you doing this? ”,

Harry didn’t answer, 

“please Harry, I know the cut looks awful, it’s barely healing"

“because of it, not because of the infection, aids increases the time for cuts to heal” although Louis couldn’t see him but he knew he was angry.

Zayn didn’t answer that first, then he said almost begging “please Harry, we can help you better there"

“they will know." Harry Said 

“so what?” 

“no, no, I can’t risk that. I can’t stand their looks, the hate, you weren’t there Zayn when they knew last week, you didn’t see how they looked at me, how he looked at me."

Louis was shocked, was he talking about him,

“ but he is here now." 

Definitely about him,

“he was leaving, he didn’t come to stay, he was blaming me," Harry said,

“but he stayed."

“he pity me, but once I am better he is leaving,” he sighed.“you need to ask him to leave."

“Harry..”

“Zayn.. He must leave, why he is staying anyway, what does he expect? I am not giving him anything, not even the love he deserves, he will always be worried, he doesn’t know what is waiting for him if he stayed with me, I won’t be perfect I won’t be enough. I can’t help him I can’t love him, He has a daughter who I almost gave her the fucking virus."

“it’s his decision to make"

“I am not waiting till he decides and breaks my heart again," Harry almost sighed 

“ Harry, he..”

But Louis couldn’t take it anymore, he found himself running, but running outside, Louis was scared, Harry was right, he will be always worried, he will be always scared and if it wasn’t for himself, then it’s for Lana.

 

Louis ran slamming the door behind him and he didn’t wait for the elevator, he just ran upstairs to his flat, thinking about how he again brokek Harry’s heart, how again he caused him pain.

When he was in his floor still running, the air was leaving his lungs when he crashed with someone coming out of the elevator that he almost fell but a strong hand stopped the fall. When Louis looked at the man, it was Liam, looking worriedly at him,

“are you okay? What happened?”, Liam asked frantically,

Louis stopped there trying to catch his breath and control his shaking limps, “I am okay," he said or tried to say.

Then he walked to his flat followed by Liam who was still eyeing his friend.

 

******

 

Inside Louis’s kitchen, he was sitting on the kitchen table, finally relaxed, he took a warm shower trying to forget, trying to forgive himself for leaving Harry again, he thought he could stay, he thought he could do it, but he was wrong, Harry was the wrong man in the wrong time, maybe in another world where Harry isn't sick they will be the perfect couple, the world where Louis doesn’t have Lana, so he won’t be afraid of her getting infected or if Louis himself gets infected.

Liam made him some breakfast, it was still early morning, and he saw how his friend was shaken up.

While they were eating breakfast Louis finally told him about Harry, the doctor who happened to be his neighbour, the one that he thinks he liked but he couldn’t take the risk and stay with him, why? Because he had HIV, that’s simple.

Liam was listening carefully to every word Louis was saying, and when Louis said the last part where he ran away again, Liam frowned. Louis wasn’t a quitter. He was a man with a word, he never expected his friend to run, 

“please say something” Louis finally said when He finished and Liam was looking at his empty cup of tea thinking.

Liam finally looked at him,“ do you remember uncle Zack?”,

Louis nodded confused, because what did uncle Zack had to do with Harry.

“you remember he doesn’t have kids?”

“yes Liam, I remember” answered Louis,

Liam nodded “ well, when I was a kid I ways asked daddy, why don’t I have cousins, why uncle Zack doesn’t has his own kids, and daddy never gave me a satisfied answer",

Louis looked at his friend who was just rambling ignoring the fact that Louis just confessed his love to a hopeless case,

“so when I was seventeen, it was Christmas, and I saw his wife playing with one of sister’s sons, so I asked her, aunt Nancy why don’t you have kids, I asked her that easily,” he smiled, “she looked at me, and she said Liam, you don’t know the reason, she asked, I told her no honestly.”

Then he sighed looking now at Louis “she said because uncle Zack has Aids ever since he was seventeen”

Louis gasped, Liam nodded “ that’s right, I was shocked too. She told me they were school sweethearts, but uncle Zack was the different version from now, not the smart cheerful uncle Zack we know today, he was some reckless man who was doing drugs, so... one night used infected needle, and next month he found he has HIV by chance"

Louis was still looking at Liam waiting for more,

“they were still together, so when He knew he told her to do the tests, he was scared to death for her, she told me he was crying while she was doing the tests afraid for her, and when she turned to be okay, he wanted to let her go. They were just kids, but she didn’t leave him, she said the world was hard on him, life was hard on him, she couldn’t do the same, she loved him sick or not, she stayed and helped.She encouraged him to finish his school and get his degree. And when they turned 22, she insisted to get married, didn’t care about anything, her family and his, people who know, I mean she is extremely pretty anyone could use the chance , but she never let him go, they were celebrating their twenty-five anniversary last week and thirty-two years together”,

Louis was listening to the story feeling he can be a part of it, seeing himself with Harry celebrating his twenty something years together, both healthy and okay,

“ he wasn’t always okay, though” Liam said, “ he has his ups and down, and the kids was something too, I mean that was twenty-five years ago, scniece had improved now and HIV patient can have his own healthy kids.. but in the past there was a different story, but they were together she made him happy, she made him wanted to live his life healthy for her, taking good care of his life for her and for him”,

Louis finally nodded, he understood Liam, and what he was trying to say ,

“if you love him Louis, you can give him a chance, you can’t let this be the thing that comes between you, it's 2018 .. educate yourself, it's not a death sentence anymore, he can live happy and healthy as any normal person",

Yes that exactly what he was trying to say.

Louis looked at Liam and said “ I guess I am scared, I mean... What if we didn’t turn up like your uncle, what if we became the bad version of this disease, if he infected us...”

“God Louis, read about the disease.."

Louis " I did"

Liam " then read again, ask him, ask any doctors they willare help you ... plus he pays a lot of attention Louis. He is a doctor, who works with kids."

Louis nodded “I don’t know what to do."

Liam nodded “no one can tell you what to do Louis, you should think about it yourself, think about it, consider the risk of staying together, or leaving him”,

Louis didn’t talk again, and Liam had to leave,he only came to check on him when he didn’t show up this morning. 

Louis didn’t wait for long. He found himself coming back to Harry’s flat, and he waited for the door to be opened holding the cake he baked for Harry and Zayn, but when the door was opened he felt the blood froze in his veins.

Zayn was standing at the door, crying, and when he saw Louis standing there, he looked at him shocked 

“what happened?” Louis asked,

But zayn didn’t answer that, he just gave him a room to enter closing the door behind him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, this is feena again ❤️  
> Sorry for keep you waiting 
> 
> This chapter is also un-edited, but I really want you to tell me how do you think about it, my friend clumsybastard did not feel comfortable editing it, but I hope she edits the other three chapters because I really like her styles, I don't know guys tell me what do you think if you like it. And tell me if it wasn't that good. And if I should add any triggers 
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes 
> 
> All the love

Nine years ago,  
It was a party in the pub, the guys were celebrating finishing their finals, and everyone was coming home in the following days, Harry and Zayn were still in year two at medical school, they were doing okay and they became really close ever since their first year, they shared the flat together and they became more than brothers, Harry had no brothers and his mom died when he was ten, he only had gemma who was now in her college too far from London, so basically it was Zayn and Zayn's family who he truly had.

Harry was enjoying his time, he noticed that guy two weeks ago eyeing him at the cafe. so when he saw him again tonight, he didn’t expect him to make a move. but he did, he introduced himself, and Harry liked him immediately, he looked a nice and a good guy.

It was the middle of the night when Zayn walked towards Harry hand in hand with a girl when Harry saw them he excused the guy he was sitting with and he walked to Zayn,

“ hi Perrie,” he said to the girl,

She smiled and kissed him on his cheeks “ hi Harry”

“ we are leaving,” Zayn said,

Harry looked at them frowning “ what!!, why?”

Perrie said “ it’s actually me, I have a plane to catch early morning”,

Harry looked at her sadly “ oh! I was planning to go out tomorrow watch a movie maybe",

She smiled “ maybe when I get back, besides” she looked at the guy “ I don’t think you will be available tomorrow”, Harry smiled shyly, 

Then he hugged her “ I will miss you",

She hugged him back “ take care of yourself Hazza”

Then Harry looked at Zayn, but he looked nervous, then Perrie excused to say bye to her girls, that’s when Zayn said “ Nick is here”

For a minute Harry was surprised he was looking around “ really, where?”

Zayn “ I saw him drowning himself in alcohol at the bar"

Harry nodded, Zayn looked at Harry nervously “ Harry will you be okay?”

“ Yeah, of course, I will be fine don’t worry"

Zayn said when he saw Perrie coming towards them  
“ Okay, don’t try to get near him, be careful please"

Harry nodded “ calm down, I will be fine, he won’t be able to touch me again", 

Zayn nodded “ I will spend the night with Pezz, see you in the morning”

Harry smiled at him returning back to the guy who was waiting for him impatiently,

Exactly ten minutes later, Harry was talking with the guy when he felt arms wrapped around him from behind, Harry was shocked at the start and when He turned he saw the one and only, Nick

“ sweetheart I miss you", Nick slurred 

Harry was setting himself free watching the guy who was looking at Nick surprised,

Harry then looked at Nick “.What are you doing"

Nick walked closer to him again “ I miss you" he was going to kiss Harry, but Harry moved away,

Harry looked at the guy explaining “ he is drunk, I am sorry”

The guy was getting angry “ do you know him?”

Nick said almost yelling “ he is my boyfriend”

Harry sighed looking at the guy “ he is not..”

Then he looked at Nick who again threw himself on Harry “ we ‘re not Nick, not anymore",

He again pushed Nick away from him, but this time the man interfered and pushed Nick harder that he fell to the ground, 

The man looked at Harry “ I think we should go"

Harry nodded eyeing Nick, but he moved with the guy, they walked a few steps when Harry heard a thud then a sound of broken glasses, the guy who was walking behind him kneeled putting his hand on his head, and Harry saw blood, and now he panicked,

He looked behind them and saw Nick holding the rest of the broken bottle in his hand, and once he locked eyes with Harry he yelled 

“ I am not letting you go”

Harry looked at the man “ oh my God.. are you okay..”

But the guy got furious now, he looked at his Palm and he saw blood, so he ran towards Nick and he pushed him again on the ground, Harry tried to stop the two guys that were now on the ground fighting like little kids, and finally he could push his new friend away from Nick, they were a lot of people gathered, a lot of shouting and yelling, and then Harry stood in front of the new guy 

“ I am sorry, but this is enough..”

Then he looked at Nick who couldn’t stand up, he was drunk, dizzy, and he knew how drunk Nick can get.

Harry saw two security men of the place coming towards them, and he knew the night was off,  
Outside Harry and the new guy were walking, Harry apologized over and over again, the guy was now bleeding from his head and from his lips too,

Then while the guy was in the taxi, harry for the last time asked “ are you sure you don’t need a hospital”

The guy who Harry knew would never see again slightly shook his head “ you will be okay?” he asked Harry 

Harry nodded smiling and he closed the taxi door, then the taxi moved away,

Harry was leaving too when he saw Nick struggling to open his car, he was wasted and could hardly open his eyes, Harry stopped walking watching him, he wanted to ignore him, to walk away and let it go, but he couldn’t, even If he hated Nick for what he did to him, he wasn’t an excellent boyfriend, he was a man with a hot temper that sometimes he got violent with Harry, he was possessive, and in the end he cheated on Harry and broke up with him without any reason, 

“ you shouldn’t drive when you are like this" Harry said behind Nick,

Nick looked at him, he wanted to lean on the car but he ended on the ground. Harry took a deep breath and he helped Nick up

“ I am sorry,” Nick said,

But Harry pretended not listening, it didn’t matter anyway, Nick was drunk he wasn’t sorry.

Harry took the car keys that was now on the ground and put on his car and he then he sat on the driving seat.

He drove Nick home, and he took him upstairs to his flat, the flat he used to live in four months ago, and then he put Nick on his bed. moved to the bathroom and took two pills for aaadache that Nick will experience next morning , and he moved to the kitchen for a glass of water, 

“ I miss you" someone whispered on Harry’s ears,

Harry panicked that he let the glass slip down his hand to shatter on the floor. He looked at Nick eyes full of dread 

“ you scared me"

He kneeled to gather the broken glass, but Nick put his hand on Harry’s back, Harry flinched and moved away,

“ what are you doing?”,

Harry walked as far as he can from Nick , he then took a deep breath and looked at his finger, it was bleeding now, he gave Nick his back to control himself, he was still shaken up , after the break up Harry was in a bad place, and he promised himself no more Nick , but here he is.

He felt hands wrapped around him again from his back, but this time Harry pushed Nick hard , then he looked at Nick angrily

“ what is wrong with you"

Nick looked at Harry shockingly “ I miss you"

Harry chucked in disbelief, Nick “ I know you are angry but.. I am sorry”

Harry said as calm as he can “ you are not sorry Nick, you are drunk..”

“ but I am, I know it was a mistake”

Harry huffed in frustration “ oh God I am not don’t this, its too late for this anyway"

Nick said “ I can’t see you with anyone else Harry, you are mine"

“ I am not yours" Harry yelled, “ I never was and I never will be Nick, so wake up because we aren’t together, you broke with me remember? Four month ago"

The he looked down trying to focus on calming his breath “ I have to go"

He was leaving the kitchen when Nick grasped his wrist hard.

Harry looked at him and Nick was looking back furiously now “ YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE", Nick yelled.

Harry tried to let go but Nick didn’t let him, instead he trapped him on the wall and he pressed his hand on Harry’s neck 

“ you are mine",

Harry wasn’t a weak person, but he was surprised, Nick got angry at him before , sometimes he pushed harry but he never meant to hurt him. And he was drunk two minutes ago, what was going on , harry was panicking .

Harry pushed him with all the power he had, and Nick hit the ground, Harry didn’t think twice he ran towards the door, and once he opened it , it was shut again, Nick's hand was on the door preventing Harry from opening again.

Harry took a few steps back “ what do you want Nick” Harry tried to sound confident,

Nick walking to wards him “ I want you, it was always you"

Harry looking around him for any protection, thinking of any plan,

“ I can’t let you go" said Nick ,

Harry was going to run but Nick again was faster, he held Harry from his back and he wanted to kiss him, but Harry was pushing Nick and finally when the grasp loosen he tried to run but he was trapped and he fell hit his head on the wall behind them really hard that he saw black for a few seconds,

Once his vision was clear again, he felt Nick holding him from his jacket and then he pulled Harry with him , and he lifted Harry up , Harry was powerless he was dizzy and his head hurt, then Nick threw him on the glass table .

At the start Harry didn’t know what was hurting, he felt pain everywhere, his back , his head, his legs. Everything hurts bad, he couldn’t open his eyes the world was spinning around.

Then he felt his legs were being dragged and he felt the glasses were penetrating every part of his body. He didn’t have the power to pull his legs away, he didn’t have any power to fight.

But he knew he had to fight, Nick was going to hurt him he didn’t know how, but he knew he will.

When he opened his eyes weakly , he saw Nick was taking off his clothes, his shirt, then he was going to take off his pants when Harry understood what was happening, he tried to stand up but Nick must noticed cause Harry felt a sharp pain on his chest, Nick kicked him twice, Harry fell back to the ground can't breath still dizzy he knew he had to run but his body was failing him.

Then he saw Nicky above him , he looked at him smirking then everything went black.

When Harry opened his eyes again, he closed it immediately, his head was throbbing, he felt heavy and numb, all his body was aching, he looked around him and he knew he was still in nick’s place, he was still on the floor, he tried to sit but the pain that shoot on his back was too much , he felt he can’t breath.

He looked at himself and he was shocked, he was naked , completely naked and no that couldn't happen. 

He looked beside him and he saw his clothes were threw everywhere , then he saw him, Nick was passed out on his vomit at the middle of the flat, Harry’s heart skipped a beat, he was panicking now and all he wanted was to leave , he jumped up and he ignored the pain all over his body, and then he took his boxer and his pants, he wore them with struggle, then he felt a sharp pain on his chest and his back, and when he put his hand on the place it hurt it got damp. Harry looked at his hands and he saw blood , so he was bleeding.

Harry took a few steps to the mirror that was in front of the flat door and he froze when He saw his reflection, he was bleeding everywhere , he saw the bruise that started to from on the middle of his chest , when he touched his chest it hurt more, he was already crying because he knew what happened, he was brutally hit and maybe the worst, his mind froze, he got numb and all he wanted right now was leaving.

He looked at Nick and he still didn't believe what happened, then he wore his shirt and took his shoes and left the place as fast as he can. He didn’t look for his phone or keys or wallet, all he wanted was a hospital.

End of the flash back.

 

Present time,

Louis was in Harry’s kitchen drinking some tea when Zayn entered, Louis looked at him

“ how is he?”,

Zayn shook his head “ still unconscious”

Louis looked down, he blamed himself. Zayn told him when Harry knew that Louis left him again , he collapsed. And he wasn't awake since then.

“ it’s not your fault" Zayn said “ his wound is infected, it was going to happen his body was going to shut down",

Louis didn’t meet Zayn's eyes “ we should take him to the hospital”

Zayn shook his head “ I can’t”

“ but he is getting worse" Louis said looking at Zayn this time,

“ I promised him , no hospitals”

Louis shook his head in disbelief “ so you will let him die like this"

“ he is not gonna die” he said sternly , then he stood up taking his keys and his phone, Louis asked “ where are you going"

Zayn “ I will save his life..” then he looked at him “ are you leaving again?”

Louis sighed “ I said I won’t”

Zayn stopped looking at his keys and Louis knew he needed more than this to convince him

“ I swear I am not leaving, I will stay by his side", he said “ I promise “ he added ,

Zayn finally nodded “ I won’t be late" then he moved outside .

Louis realized he was left alone with Harry . So he decided to take a look, he moved to his room and he entered. Harry was still sleeping on his bed, still having the bad fever. Louis slowly sat beside him, and he didn’t understand why he cared this much, every time he met those eyes he felt more and more attached to Harry. He knew he was gay but only Harry was the one who made him feel this way. Louis closed his eyes , he hope that Harry wake up again so he can tell him that, so he can tell him he was sorry for leaving him again, he wanted to let Harry know this will never happen again, because even if he tried he knew he can’t, he can’t fight his feelings for Harry.

Zayn came back two hours later, not alone though, with Niall, and a lot of equipment with him. The three men turned Harry’s room into a hospital room, zayn put the IV pole beside Harry’s bed and he hanged the drugs and the fluids on the hangers , the drugs that were hooked to Harry’s IV cannula on his Palm.

Zayn also brought a number of wound dressings , so he can change the dressings every twelve hours, he borougt a large number of gloves , and he warned both Louis and Niall to wear them everytime they were in the room just in case.

The three men took care of Harry for the next three days , even Liam was coming to join them at the night bringing Louis and the others anything they need , and sometimes cook for them. Harry was getting better he barely opened his eyes at the night of the third day. He didn’t talk just looked at Louis who was watching him, and then closed his eyes again. Zany called that progress and he told them it was a mttwr of hours and harry will wake up again.

It was the forth day in the morning, Zayn and Louis were in the kitchen having their breakfast. Only some hot tea. Niall had to go home for some sleep promising them he will come back at night.

“ you should come back to your office" Zayn said ,

Louis sighed “ you heard Liam last night he said it is okay" ,

Zayn nodded “ but still, I think ..”

“ stop please, I want to do this, I want to stay and to help. He is getting better right?”

“ yes, he will be okay"

Louis nodded and then the two of them stopped talking, 

“ who is Nick?” Louis asked out of no where,

Zayn looked at him shocked, he didn’t answer,  
“ when Harry was running fever, before his nightmare.. He mentioned this name, so who is Nick?” he asked again,

“ he is my ex" 

It was Harry who answered,

Zayn and Louis jumped up from their seats, they were happy heartbeats finally up and walking, but also scared he shouldn’t leave his bed,

“ you shouldn’t leave your bed" Zayn said helping Harry to sit with them on the kitchen table, he knew he was dizzy but Zayn was happy harry was out of his bed . finally. 

Louis felt nervous, he didn’t want to mention Nick at all, and when he mention him Harry listened.what are the chances.

When Harry sat on the chair, looking as exhausted as he could be,

“ how do you feel?” asked Zayn,

Harry took a deep breath “ better, what time is it now?”  
His voice was weak, he looked weak.

Zayn and Louis looked at each other, Harry noticed

“ what!”,

Zayn “ it’s Sunday Harry, you've been out for four days",

Harry looked at him staring , “ Louis, Niall and I were looking after you, Louis's friend also was helping”

Harry looked at Louis then he looked down. Louis felt he had to add something

“ we were worried about you Harry.. Zayn promised you no hospital, but I was worried”

Harry still looking down, “ I didn’t want to leave you"  
Louis said watching Harry’s eyes,

Harry shook his head “ I won’t be surprised if you want"

“ but I won’t..”

Harry shook his head again “ it’s okay..”,

He then looked at Louis “ I don’t blame you, I understand”

“ you don’t understand” Louis whispered, then he held Harry’s hand Harry let him , and he squeezed it slightly “ I won’t leave and I don’t pity you",

Harry closed his eyes , “ Harry I promise you”

“ don’t promise me what.. You don’t know me" Harry’s voice cracked,

“ let me know you, let me help" Louis said still trying,

“ you don’t want to do this , you don’t want to know me"

“ you don’t know that"

“ you will hate me" Harry uttered brokenly, even Zayn took a shuddered breath closing his eyes.

“ I will never hate you Harry, what happened to you, even if it was a mistake doesn’t mean people will hate you”

Harry shook his head “ they do, they hate me, and they will be disgusted, I am disgusted at myself, I hate myself” he cried now.

“ but I don’t..”,

“ you will" Harry yelled snatching his hand away from Louis, Louis was surprised he looked at Harry and he took a minute to calm himself.

“ I want to help” Louis said again.

Harry wiped his tears away , he was getting angry . He looked at Louis

“ you want to know who is Nick, well.. He is the one who attacked me, I trusted him. He was my boyfriend for a whole year and I was blind enough to see how was he abusing me, how was he using and hitting me every chance he had and eventually he ...."

Silence.

Zayn was watching Harry, although he knew everything but he never heard Harry saying this before.

Harry calmed down looking at his hands again, tears were falling on his hands, when he felt Louis's hand again holding one of his hands,

“ it’s okay..”,

Harry looked at him “ how is this okay?” then he whipped his tears away “ we weren’t even together when he did this.. He broke up with me and got himself infected” he took a deep breath.

“he didn't know he was sick, I had tell him " Harry added.

He looked at Louis “ I was stupid I shouldn't help him that day, I shouldn’t go with him to his place but he was drunk and he shouldn’t drive".

Zayn looked down, he wasn’t ready to hear this, even nine years later he wasn’t.

“ at the start I fall and hit my head.. Then he attacked me hitting me that I bleed everywhere, I wanted to run but I was weak .. I was very weak and I couldn’t move..”

he chuckled “ but you know what is the best part.. that I don’t remember, I was unconscious when he did this" 

he wiped his falling tears hastily, 

“ when I wake up it was when I know" he looked down again “ I don’t know how I got to the hospital but I did, two days later I opened my eyes again and Zayn was next to me"

Louis looked at Zayn and he knew he was trying very hard not to break down,

“ I had two broken rips, several cuts on my back and legs and shoulders.. and the doctors told me what happened.." He closed his eyes 

Louis squeezed his hand , Harry looked at him Louis was trying to hold his tears back too, he wanted to give Harry some strength , Harry nodded 

“ I didn’t know I had HIV at the start, I focused on getting better and I wanted to just forget what happened, Zayn begged me to call the police and eventually I accepted but only the attacking part .. I just couldn't say more I couldn't . ..” he shrugged.

“ it was three weeks later, when the symptoms started to show up, I was staying at Zayn's family house I couldn’t tell my sister what happened, she won’t take it right..”

He looked at Zayn “ his family is a bless, they took good care of me"

Then he looked back at Louis “ I got a fever that lasted with me for two weeks.. I thought it was just the flu, headache , weakness.. But I decided to run some tests just to understand”

He then closed his eyes again and didn’t speak.

Louis said when Harry didn’t add anything 

“ I am sorry.. I am sorry you had to go throw all of this, I am so sorry that you suffered this much, but you don’t have to suffer any more"

Harry looked at him, eyes were full of tears

“ you do understand this ?” Louis nodded,

“ I won’t get better Louis, I have Hiv there is no turning back from this, and eventually I will die"

Zayn shook his head but didn't talk, Louis looked at Zayn and then at harry again

Louis shook his head “ you won’t die .”

“ I will" Harry insisted,

Zayn " you won't, you know you won't"

" I will" 

Louis decided to interfere “ then you don’t have to die alone, because I am not leaving your side, you must understand that"

Harry shook his head again pulling his hand away from Louis

“ I can’t. .can’t do this"

“ try..”

Louis looked at Zayn who had to beg eyes now,

“ I won’t leave you, Harry..”

Harry closed his eyes again crying 

“ I can’t, it’s so risky and dangerous”

“ you will take care"

“ I can’t risk this, you have Lana",

“ you will take care, you know you can, you are the doctor here harry " Louis added again

Harry looked at him “ why are you doing this?” 

Louis looked at Harry, at his eyes , then he shrugged still looking “ you can’t ask me this, I have no answer, all I know I want you, I want to be with you, it’s not so bad to stay with me, let me .. let me take care of you Harry, you deserve happiness, you deserve someone who cares for you"

Harry cried “ what if I made you sick"

Louis shook his head “ you won’t. I know you won’t. Nothing bad will happen, Harry, please give us a chance",

Harry looked down again, then he looked at Zayn who was in tears now, Zayn slightly nodded to him.  
Harry looked down didn’t know what to do, he liked Louis and he wanted some happiness that Louis promised him, but he didn’t know if he can make it .


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unedited
> 
> Sorry for the mistakes 
> 
> Thanks for reading

The next few weeks were going okay, Harry was getting better, he was giving the relation a chance and letting Louis take care of him.

Lana was very happy for her father, she used to come from school and spend the day with Harry until her father come back from office instead of going to the office with him, Harry didn’t get back to the hospital yet, his immunity was too low and they didn’t want the risk to catch any infection.

Harry and Lana spent an amazing time, Harry was a caring person and he loves kids so Lana was spending a happy time. He was helping her with her homework, and then she would have some sleep while Harry cook them the dinner until Louis came from work. They would woke Lana up and eat together the three of them.

Harry was getting better, his wound was finally healing properly, his fever finally gone away, and he was able to move without feeling dizzy or collapsing.

Harry was standing in front of Louis's door holding a plate when Lana opened the door,

“ you are late Harry” she said pretending angry,

He entered smiling and he closed the door behind him, then Louis showed from his kitchen repeating his daughter attitude

“ you are late!”

Harry sighed “ I know , I know I am sorry"

Louis took the plate from him

“ are you okay?” he said looking at him examining,

Harry tried to smile “ I am fine I swear, I am just nervous” 

Louis smiled “ don’t! okay, I told you they already love you, and I am sure you will love them too", Louis said entering the kitchen followed be Harry,

Louis put the plate on the table and He looked at harry who was visibly nervous now, Louis walked closer to him and held his hand

“ baby please, stop that" ,

Harry slightly nodded “ yeah, okay.. it just-“ but he stopped himself, he didn’t want to tell Louis he was nervous because he never faced people who knew about his disease, and he was always scared for this moment, but they were Louis' sisters and Harry couldn’t ask Louis not to let them visit when he was around, Louis wanted badly to introduce Harry to his sisters and Harry could not say no. 

“ Harry.. come and do my hair" Lana called from he room,

Louis looked at him smiling “ I don’t know what you did, but she is not allowing me to touch her hair"

Harry laughed “ it’s magic Lou”

Louis smiled and then he gave him a kiss “ it will be alright"

Harry nodded and Lana yelled again “ Harry!”

“ I am coming" he said and he looked at Louis “ she got hot temper like her daddy”

Louis laughing going back to finish the dinner “ it’s not me, it comes from her mom"

Harry “ can't wait to meet her" he said while leaving the kitchen

Louis looked at where Harry was standing , he was nervous now , Lana’s mother was coming at the end of the week , but he saw how nervous Harry was when it came to his sisters, he didn’t want to stress him more with her wife, although she knew nothing but still. He didn’t want to stress the man.

Harry was finishing Lana's hair when the doorbell rang, and his heart twisted in his heart. That was it , the moment of truth he told himself. He saw lana running excitedly outside the room. 

He heard loud voices and he smiled imagining Louis living with all that number of girls around him. Harry only had Gemma and sometimes he got headache from her ramblings all the time.

“ aren’t you coming outside?” said Louis leaning on the door frame,

Harry stood up from the bed, he took a deep breath “ how do I look?”

Louis raised his brow “ you are an idiot"

Then Harry saw the set of twins coming behind Louis's back 

“ we are hungry" one of the girls said, while the other were looking at Harry

“ oh you are here"

Harry looked at her nervouslying, while the two girls walked towards him 

“ hello.. I am Harry” he said .

He didn’t offered his hand he wasn’t sure if they will take it or not, he knew how people get confused when it comes to HIV.

But he was surprised “ I am daisy" she said while having him a warm hug , and then he had another hug

“ and I am Febie” , Harry looked at the girls with a wide smile , of course he knew them, Louis and Lana showed h the pics and he spent hours listening to Louis talking proudly about his younger sisters,

Daisy “ oh my God we've dying to meet you, ever since Louis sent us your pic and we were waiting for this"

Harry looked smiling at her “ I was waiting for this too"

“ are those curls for real" Febie asked , Louis and Daisy said in one breath “ Febie”,

She giggled “ I wanted to know"

Then one of the older girls yelled from outside “ where are you guys?”

Louis was still laughing “ in here Fizz” then he looked at his sisters “ let’s go"

They walked outside the room while Louis looked at Harry “ come on"

Harry nodded and together they walked to the outside where the girls were sitting in front of the TV, Harry saw lottie first talking to Lana who once met his eyes stood up and moved to him gave him also a warm hug, it was a Tomlinson's greeting. It was so comfortable that it made Harry so confident.

“ how are you feeling now?” lottie asked watching him carefully

“ I am really okay, and feeling better now” he smiled,

Then he looked at Fizz who was watching them, he walked to her and he extended his hand for handshake, Louis told him she is the shy one, 

“ hi fizz"

but she only waved her hand and smiled a small smile.  
Harry took his hand back feeling embarrassed and maybe confused, he noticed Louis was eying his sister annoying But no one said a word

“ okay , let’s eat" one of the twins said,

Louis was the first to move to the kitchen and then all his sister followed, Harry took a moment to gather his shit again, she i was just a girl she didn't understand, he kept telling himself,

“ come on Harry” it was Lana or one of the twins Harry didn’t pay attention.

He entered the kitchen and sat on the chair beside Louis, he didn’t want what happened to ruin the day, so he tried to act normally. He tried.

They were eating and listening to Lana and the twins talking about their school, Harry noticed that fizz didn’t touch her plate, but he didn’t want to make any comments, he remained silent the whole time , it was when they finished when Louis noticed

“ Fizz, you haven’t eaten anything?”,

She nodded “ yeah, wasn’t hungry"

Louis was getting angry “ really?”

She looked at him “ no, but what if it was infected",

Harry didn’t have the time to react, he heard Louis yelling “ oh come on! "

She yelled back “ what!! . I just want to be safe", then she left the kitchen followed by Louis who was angry 

“ I didn’t finish young lady..”

They went on fighting, then Lottie had to leave to looking embarrassed at Harry, and the twins followed her.

Harry looked at Lana who was still eating, then she looked at Harry smiling.

Harry stood up and then started to clean the table removing the plates and throwing the remains in the trash, he was hurt , she didn’t understand what this disease was, and he knew it will be a long ride to explain to her.

Lana finished her plate and gave it to Harry proudly, and then ran outside the kitchen calling Lottie.

He took deep breath and started washing the dishes, anything to distract himself from what just happened. He knew something like this could happen. But he didn’t expect it would touch him deeply this way, 

Harry just finished the last plate then he heard

“ I am sorry" 

Harry turned and he saw Fizz crossing her arms looking down, and it was obvious that she had to apologize it wasn’t coming from her heart,

Harry sighed put the plate on its place 

“ it’s okay"

She was still looking down, Harry started 

“ but I guess you need to understand”

She huffed in frustration, and Harry stopped talking, he took a few steps towards her but she stepped back 

“ I will not make you sick if touch you, it doesn’t fly in the air..”

She nodded “ I know"

Harry shrugged “ then what’s the matter?”

She didn’t speak, Harry “ you can ask me anything about it and I will answer you, I am a doctor after all"

She looked at him “ how come you are this selfish”

Harry was shocked ,

She continued “ why do you want to hurt them, Louis is all I have left and I can’t just accept that he might get hurt this way because of you"

Harry frowned trying to control his surprise “ I am not gonna hurt him, I am not gonna hurt them, Fizz people get infected if they have a broken skin or wound and I was bleeding and touch them, or if they got sting by an infected needle.. “

She interrupted “I don’t care how it works, but what makes you so sure you won’t infect him?” she asked challenging,

“ I know , because I take care of..”

“ what if something happened? What if you missed up, or he was hurt and you touched him or.. "

Harry groaned “ it doesn’t work this way, I have to be bleeding so "

“ I don’t care how it works but, .. why he takes the risk? I mean you told me you will answer any questions right ?”

“ yes anything?” he was trying hard to control his anger, 

“ isn’t HIV transmitted through sexual behaviour.. Siemens, bloold fliuds, Harry you are together in Relation, how can you be careful all the time"

Harry kept his mouth shut for a minute, then he looked at her

“ I understand, you are worried about them, about your brother, but I will never hurt him.. I always pay attention, I know what I am doing..I am a doctor I work with kids actually if God forbid you had to go to the hospital I will be your doctor, I know what I am doing and I will never hurt any of them"

“you treat them , you don’t love them, you don't sleep with them" she then huffed "I don’t think you pay any attention Harry, I mean if you are then how you got sick?” she said looking at him,

He didn’t expect that kind of question, he froze at his place staring at her.

“ exactly" 

she said while she was leaving the kitchen, Harry couldn’t answer that, he as trapped in his mind again , on that exact moment again. The only thing that snapped him out of his mind was Louis' voice calling his name.

“ I am sorry", Louis said once Harry looked at him “ I don’t know what is wrong with her.. I am really sorry" he said again nervously.

Harry tried his best to hide what was happening in his mind. He smiled widely pretending everything was okay and he understands. But he felt he was going to fail this time even if He was a good actor after all. His illness taught how to hide your pain all the time.

He headed towards the fridge and opened i

“ time for desserts”

The put the plate out of it , but Louis was right in front of him 

“ don’t do this"

Harry looked at him “ do what?”

“ don’t hide..” Louis said , then he took the plate from his hand, and put it on the table . He sat and Harry moved and sat beside him.

“ ever since mom and she is always like this. Barely talking to anyone. Always angry. Always chose someone to blame for anything. I guess this time she chose you"

Harry was listening looking at Louis. Then he nodded “ I understand .. She is worried about you and she got all the right" then he looked down “ I just wish that she can understand, I think She believes she will get sick if I touched her or touched anything around"

“ she doesn’t believe that" Louis said watching Harry feeling sorry for him.

“ she says she doesn’t, but all her movements said she does” Harry said looking at him.

Louis sighed held Harry’s hand “ I don’t know what to do with her",

Harry shrugged “ I think you should talk to her, not about me. About what is wrong with me. She must understand so she can feel secured and stop worrying”

Louis nodded “ yes.. I will do that"

Lana entered the kitchen afterwards with Lottie, 

“ Harry, I need you to see the cake I chose"

Harry looked at Lana and he wiped his tears away looking at the iPad in her hand showing a big birthday cake 

“ is it your birthday?” Harry asked wondering,

Lana looked at her father “ daddy you told me you will tell him..”

Harry looked at Louis confused , Louis “ I am sorry, I forgot..” then he looked at Harry “ Lana’s birthday is this weekend”

Harry was surprised he looked at Lana “ is it?”

Lana excited “ yes, everyone is coming , mom is coming too”

Louis was watching Harry praying that he wouldn’t panic about meeting Lana’s mother. But he looked genuinely happy 

“ that’s amazing Lana..” then he hugged her “ happy birthday”

He looked at the cake and he smiled wider

“ I loved it.. It’s going to be amazing..”

Then he saw Louis leaving the kitchen and he followed him by his eyes. He sat beside fizz in the couch and he started talking.

At the midnight, Harry couldn’t sleep. He was in front of the TV not watching , but it was on.

Then he felt his door was opened, he knew it was Louis. Only two men had his flat keys. Louis and ZayN, and since it’s midnight. Then it must be Louis.

“ you are still awake?” Louis asked when he saw Harry .

Harry smiled “ you too?”

Louis sighed and collapsed beside him “ the place is very crowded up there. Girls everywhere”

Harry giggled “ I can’t imagine"

Louis smiled “ and they are staying till the birthday, so you will have to accept me here in the following days"

Harry smiled “ you are very welcome Lou”

Louis sighed and closed his eyes enjoying the quietness.

“ Lou?”

Louis opened his eyes again, “ you didn't tell me about the birthday?”

Louis nodded “ I know"

“.your ex wife is coming?”

“ I know"

Then Louis looked at Harry “ I didn't want to stress you"

Harry raised his brows , Louis “ I saw how much you were nervous with the girls coming..”

Harry nodded, then he stopped talking , but then “ when did you got divorced?”

Louis “ five years ago"

Harry nodded “ and what was the reason?”

“ reasons.. But you can say she knew I was gay before I even know myslef"

Harry nodded “ and that was the main reason I guess"

Louis, nodded “ she said she needs someone who looks at her differently, I wasn’t. So I didn’t want to cause her any more pain",

“ and you were in other relations after the divorce?”

Louis nodded “ not really, not serious like this one"

Harry smiled “ so you think we are serious?”

Louis looked at him “ I do..” Harry nodded and then he moved closer to Louis and then he rest his head on his shoulder . Together they closed their eyes. Together they slept.

 

********

The birthday was an cheerful one, Lana was happy . She invited everyone she wanted to. Niall who owned a small restaurant cleared his place for the celebration, 

The cake was amazing, the decorations that Harry helped doing were also amazing.

The girls helped Lana to dress her and made her hair, she looked like a princess and she was .

It was on the middle of the party , when Louis and Harry were in the kitchen while Lottie and the girls were with Lana. Fizzy still was avoiding Harry. Barely talking to him barely interacting. Harry decided to talk to her later .

“ mommy..” Louis and Harry heard.

Louis hurried and walked out of the kitchen, Harry had followed, and then he saw Louis hugging a pretty lady and Lana was looking at then happily.

Harry was going to introduce himself but he was cut by the cake.

Lottie and fizz decided to bring the cake , and while singing Louis was looking around him for Harry.  
Harry noticed Louis' eyes so he walked to him and stood behind him singing for Lana happy birthday.

And then he put a small box out of his pocket, and he walked to Lana who was hugging Niall now. When she saw Harry, she ran to give him a hug. Then he gave her the box and she opened it excited.

It was a beautiful necklace , she looked at it surprised. She showed Louis the necklace and he smiled looking at Harry. Then Lana gave Harry the necklace and Harry put it on her neck.

Then she ran to her mom to show her. Harry noticed the woman looked at Harry smiling, he smiled back. 

 

But everything changed when he saw Fizzy walking to Lana's mom, she whispered something in her ears. And then the two ladies walked together away from the noise. Harry knew what was going to happen. And something didn’t feel right. He felt nervous , and he looked at Louis through the people. When they locked eyes Louis also understood there was something wrong, but he didn’t know what exactly. He just looked at Harry worried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, next chapter is tomorrow
> 
> Three chapters left


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes, but it's also un edited

Lana spent the night with her mom. After the birthday Louis' ex wife took her daughter with her .

Harry tried to talk to Fizzy again, but every time he got closer she was leaving him . He didn’t want to upset her but he still needed a talk.

Louis' sisters went home back to Louis’ home . And Louis went home with Harry.

They all were really exhausted , Harry knew it won’t take them long to sleep. But he insisted on watching any shown on TV. He was exhausted but his mind was working, and he knew this night won't be easy. Nightmares were on the door.

But in the morning there was something else, Louis noticed how tense Harry was, and he knew he didn’t sleep well since he was moving on the bed. So Louis wake up earlier before Harry, and made him the breakfast and served it at the bed.

Harry was excited and also happy with this, he told him no one ever brought him breakfast at bed before. 

Louis was watching Harry wring and he felt lucky having him in his life, he was happy that his family got long together, and he knew Fizzy is a soft girl and eventually she will understand. 

Harry took his shower and got ready to leave. He was getting back to his job since he was really doing better.  
Louis was taking his shower , and Harry was drinking some hot tea. They decided to go together where Harry drop Louis at his office while he went to the hospital.

The doorbell rang. Harry didn’t expect anyone so he walked to open, expecting maybe Bobby the janitor. but he never expected it would be Louis' ex.   
Eleanor was standing at Harry’s door.

Harry was confused at the start, they didn’t talk last night. After eating the cake and Harry giving Lana her present . And then Fizzy and Eleanor moved to talk. Then she avoided talking to him, he caught her staring but she tried to avoid him as much as she could.

“ good morning doctor Styles " she said officially.

Harry nodded “ good morning Mrs Calder , Louis is inside . Come on in" he gave her a space to enter. 

She slightly nodded and entered the flat. Harry closed the door behind her.

“ is everything okay? Is Lana okay?”

By mentioning Lana, she looked at him threatening 

“ she is fine, no thank to you",

Harry confused “ I am sorry ?"

She sighed “.tell me... are you really a doctor? I mean , do they hire people like you now?”

 

People like him?.

Harry didn’t answer he just kept staring at her, 

“ do they even know you who you really are ? Cause hiding something like AIDS could lead to disasters”

Harry finally understood, Fizzy told her , and now she is worried about her daughter, maybe trying to talk to Louis about this.

“ I am a doctor” he started nervously .

“ then, there is something wrong with the system, how could they let you do this?” she said angrily.

Harry tried to control his anger “ I am not into surgeries.. just doing the clinical examinations..”

She nodded looking at him interrupting “ then why? Why they bother themselves, why they are taking the risk?, I don’t think if the parents of your patients knew they will be okay with this”

Harry’s hand was shaking now, this woman was rude insulting him. But she was honest and that exactly what will happen everyday everyone would know about his truth 

“ I understand you are worried about Lana.. But I guarantee to you that she will be okay"

“ and why should I take the risk?” she asked really disgusted.

Harry became confused again “ what do you mean?”

She huffed “ I don’t know what exactly you did to Louis? How did you deceive him to fall for you? I mean what kind of pathetic games you played to make him thinks he loves you and risk his life and his daughter's..”

“ I didn’t... I will never hurt him" he stuttered.

“ I don’t care" she almost yelled

Then she looked at him getting closer 

“ stay away from my family or I swear to God.. I will make you spend the few days you have left suffering and scared to step outside this flat.. cause I will..”

“Eleanor?” Louis yelled ,

he was looking at her shockingly, Louis looked at Harry who was looking down now, and he knew he was shaking up.

“ what are you doing?” Louis yelled at his ex, wearing only a tower and his hair was still dropping water. He must heard them and rushed outside.

“ I am saving my family, I am protecting my daughter, I am protecting you" she answered still angry.

Louis yelled again “ from what?”

She yelled too “ from him.. how come you are this blind, he is infecting you sooner or later, I don’t want my daughter to suffer watching her father dying from this fucking disease”

“.shut up" Louis said to Eleanor looking at Harry, begging that he might look at him.

“ why? This is the truth, I am not one of your sisters who love you so much so won’t step at your face and tell you to wake the fuck up.. what are you doing Louis? Are you stupid? I mean out of all those men around you, you chose a fucking whore who got himself infected God knows how.. Is this an example you want to give to your sisters? To your daughter?”,

And that was it, Louis rushed to her held her from her hand, he wanted her to shut up

“ shut the fuck up, you don’t know what you are talking about?”

“ I know enough” she yanked her hand away from his. 

“ this man is sick, he has AIDs.. And you are sleeping with him..”

Louis “ and why do you care?” he wanted to shut her up, he didn’t want her to talk about Harry as if he was n't existing two steps beside her.

“ because of Lana.. because of your sisters, you should care too. They need you , why are you risking your life for him"

Louis looked at Harry, he was frozen. He is not moving, he didn’t lift his head up. Eyes closed , breathing fast.

“ I know what I am doing, I am a grown adult, I know what I choose" Louis said looking back at Eleanor 

She chuckled “ are you?”

Then she took a deep breath “ I care about you Louis, you were my first love . My king, I loved you since we were in school, I can’t just let you do this.. He is not worth it"

It was when Harry decided to take few steps back, and then walked out of the flat, Louis followed him running calling his name, but Harry didn’t stop. Louis was extremely furious he wanted to follow him down stairs, but he was almost naked and also he wanted to put an end.

He got back to Harry’s flat where Eleanor was still standing at the middle of the flat.

“ what the hell is wrong with you..” he shouted

“ what is wrong with you? Why? Just tell me why?”

Louis took a deep breath, closing his eyes in frustration “ why it’s important for you, we are divorced.. I am gay what do you want from me?”

“ I want you safe, I want my daughter to be safe..”

“ she is ..”

“ not as long as you are together.. I can’t let her with you"

Louis looked at her frowning “ what do you mean?”

Eleanor “ you must choose, Lana or him"

“ you can’t..”

“I can, if you want this relation.. okay, do what you want, but I am not leaving my daughter at this environment, I will sue you for a full custody, and once I prove that your partner is sick.. I will win Louis”

Louis was shocked, He can't believe this was Eleanor.  
“ you won’t..”

“ I will ..”

He sighed “ oh my God, I can’t believe you"

Eleanor yelled “ I can’t believe you, you already put your daughter in risk, how could you hide her accident from me.. because of him she has to do those tests every three months”

Louis now yelled “ because of him, she is alive.. He saved her"

She stopped talking looking at him confused.

“.who do you think saved her ? It was him, and he was hurt ..BADLY, he spent three days struggling to be alive”

She was surprised, apparently no one mentioned this to her,

Louis still angry “ oh did Fizz skipped that part. What did she tell you happened? Cause our daughter was passing the street and the car was this close .. He threw himself to rescue our daughter.. He risked his life and his secrets just to save her"

Then he calmed down “ you don’t know anything about him, so you can’t ask me to choose"

Eleanor looked at him eyes glassy “ I am sorry.. But I can’t live like this.. fearing for my daughter" she walked to the door “make your choice Louis”.

Louis shook his head on disbelief, he looked down didn’t say a word. Will she do this really? Can she take her daughter away from him just because he chose to live someone different? Why they were looking at Harry like that? Why they were blaming him and want to punish him by excluding him to live alone.

Louis heard the door was closed ,.He realized he was left alone at Harry’s home. Harry who left alone trapped in his minds. Louis promised he wouldn’t hurt him. But ever since they were together. Louis somehow hurting Harry not just physically but also emotionally.

 

**********

 

Harry was walking in the streets. The sun turned into moon, and the day turned into night. He didn’t stop , he kept walking looking down unaware of the surrounding. He wanted to disappear, to vanish. He wanted to run, he had to run. why did he changed his mind? Because Louis promised him everything would be okay. But nothing was okay. First Louis' sister and now his ex. What if they convinced him it was a mistake. What if Louis felt the same way, disgusted. What if he left Harry alone? Harry knew he will be so weak the fight his feelings then, he can’t fight his demons. 

Harry was walking aimless, he didn’t know where he was. He was alone. No phone, no keys , just him and his mind.

While he was walking he crashed with some homeless man, although Harry was the one who took the hit. The man yelled

“ watch out , will you..” 

Harry looked at the man “ I am sorry" , first thing he said. The man was wearing a hoodie, covering his head with it's cap, nothing was clear. Harry couldn’t see the face or didn’t care.

When Harry started to walk again “ Harry?”

Harry froze in his place. He turned and looked at the man again who just called his name

“ Harry styles?” the man said.

Yes he was calling his name. Harry kept staring at the man trying to figure him out. The voice was almost recognizable.

The man put out the cap, and Harry couldn’t believe his eyes. He was extra thin , Harry could see the bone structure of his face. He was pale. Black circles around his eyes . Inflamed rashes all over his face.

“ you don’t know me?” the man asked smirking

“ it’s me Nick”

Harry couldn’t breath, “ yeah , it’s me.. don’t be afraid.. it just the disease we share" he meant the ugly rashes .

Harry was breathing fast now, feeling dizzy. 

“ you look good, you must still taking your medications, but you know what? I used to take them.. . But eventually we are dying anyway, so what the use? ”

He moved closer to Harry, but Harry stepped back , all his body was shaking. He was panicking.

Nick stopped looking at him “ oh don’t tell me you are still angry at me ? Not after what you did"

Harry looked down, trying to hold his tears

“ look at me.. “ Nick said.

Harry didn’t, “ I may gave you aids, but you destroyed my life, everyone hated me.. my own parents hated me, I got expelled from the college.. I was fucking arrested ...”,

Harry swallowed his fear hard. He knew what happened to him, it was Zayn's idea to tell the police about the attacking part since Harry refused to say he was raped.

“ and the journey in the jail was awful, especially when they know about my disease..”

Harry wanted to leave, he didn’t have to listen to this. he gave Nick his back, but Nick ran and stood in front of him

“ no, no you won’t run.. I was waiting for this.. I was waiting to see you again.. don’t get me wrong I hoped you would be looking like me.. But don’t worry.”

“. look at me" he asked sternly 

Harry didn’t, Nick moved closer yelling “ look at me"

Harry flinched but he slowly did , Nick smirked

“ yes.. look at me and look closely.. this..” he pointed at his face “ this is how you will look like.. sooner or later you will be like me, people will get disgusted like you are now.. you are filthy little shit who think he is better ., but no we are so much alike, we are sharing the same end Harry.. you ruined my life and I know I did the same to you" then he laughed." And I am not even sorry"

Harry was crying now, Nick smiled “ yeah.. cry, I still remember seeing you there motionless when I used you.. abused you over and over and you couldn’t even move, when I raped you”, 

then he walked in front of him “ I know you couldn’t tell anyone about this.. not even the police, but I did. I raped you harry",

Harry looked down, “ and you know what.. I knew"

Harry looked at him he stopped crying he was terribly shocked , Nick nodded “ I knew I was sick before I touch you.. I knew"

Harry shook his head, Nick nodded “ I did.. and I wanted to hurt you badly because you aren’t better than me, you are the same.. we are the same"

Finally Harry could move. He ran and ran and ran.  
He knew, he knew he was sick and still he hurt Harry, he wanted to infect him and wanted to torture him forever. And why? Just why?.

*********

 

Louis was on the phone 

“ no nothing Zayn I still don’t know where he is, and I have his phone here" he said looking at Harry’s phone. 

Zayn was talking and Louis was looking at his watch nervously, it has been seven hours since Harry disappeared.

“.okay Zayn, I will check his flat again" then he hanged up.

Louis took Harry’s key that he put on the coffee table in front of him, he stood up but he saw Fizzy standing in front of him. It was like she was crying.

Louis took a deep breath, then he walked away to the door, of course he was angry at her.

“ Louis , please wait.. I am sorry" she said crying.

Louis shook his head in disbelief “ I can’t talk right now"

“ we are leaving in the morning, and you still refuse talking to me"

“ what do you want me to say Fizzy?”, he snapped at her.

Fizzy cried harder, Louis hated to see his younger sister crying but he was angry, she told Eleanor behind his back, and now she is threatening to take his daughter away from him. And Harry was missing and he was sure that Harry wasn't okay.

“ I am sorry..” she started “ I am so sorry.. But I am worried”

Louis sighed “ we talked about it Fizz”

She nodded wiping her years “ I can’t lose you..”

He stopped talking, and then he walked to her and hugged her tightly. She cried harder on his shoulder

“ please don’t be mad at me, please Louis but I am so scared.. “

He patted her back trying to calm her down “ baby I don’t want you to worry... Harry is a good man and he will never hurt me..”

He was interrupted by the door bell , he left Fizzy and walked to open the door. 

Harry was standing there in front of Louis. He wasn’t crying , but Louis knew there was something wrong with him.

“ oh thanks God .. where have you been"

He hugged him, but he felt Harry was shaking, he looked at him worried “ baby are you okay..”

Harry didn’t talk, just looked back at Louis. Louis guided him inside , but when he saw Fizzy Harry stopped and didn’t move.

Louis looked between them “ it’s okay baby..”

Harry looked down , Louis looked at Fizzy begging her to do anything.

She nodded and took a few hesitated steps towards Harry, but Harry stepped back.

Louis looked at him confused, he touched his hand and squeezed looking at his face “ are you okay?”

Nothing.

Fizzy “ I am sorry .. I am so sorry I didn’t know she will do this. I didn’t know she would think of suing Louis for the custody..”

And Harry snapped his head at Louis. Louis saw panic in his eyes. Then Harry started to shake his head

“ no, no.. She can't... we should... I ..” then he closed his eyes trying to think. Louis saw how his body was shaking and how frantic he was 

“ it’s okay..” he said trying to hug Harry but Harry stepped away “ what is okay? Nothing is okay.. She is taking your daughter..”

“ she is not.. She is just saying..”

Harry crying now “ what if she did this.. She will win the case once they know about me.. God” he covered his face “I can't do this.. it’s a mistake.. we can’t do.this..” 

he was acting frantically and Louis was losing his mind,

He tried to step closer and Harry again stepped back 

“ stay right there... they are right" then he looked at Fizzy “you were right...I am so selfish..” then he looked at Louis “ I am so sorry... I shouldn’t have done this... I am sorry", he was leaving but Louis grabbed his hand looking at him

“ Harry what is wrong?”

“ I am dying.. I Will die sooner or later I can’t , it’s not safe",

Louis looking at Harry realizing there was something big happening.

“ you are not dying..”

Harry crying “ I will Louis.. oh God I will it will be awful I will look awful”.

Louis was going to talk but lottie came out of the room looking at them a phone in her hand 

“ Louis..” she yelled.

Louis looked at her , he wasn’t ready for anything.

“ it’s Eleanor..”

Louis felt his heart skipped a beat, Lottie “ Lana is having an attack..”,

Louis ran and took the phone from Lottie. 

“ El ?” he said, then he was listening trying to control the situation and act as calm as he can. He looked at the girls then he looked at Harry. But there was no Harry. Harry vanished again.

“ okay .. calm down, I am on my way..”.

 

********\

 

Louis was in the hospital with his sisters, Lana was okay. She had a bad attack, Eleanor was seriously freaking out. And that’s freaked Louis out too. Eleanor was the one with the brave heart.

Lana was sleeping when Louis left the room, calling Harry for the tenth time. Ever since Lana was okay and Louis was trying to call Harry. He was worried about him and since he wasn’t answering . He was restless.  
Eleanor came after him, she saw him huffed in frustration putting the phone in his pocket again.

“ he is not answering?” she asked.

Louis looked at her and then he looked down. She smiled nodding and then she at the chair.

“ you do like him”

Louis looked at her, she continued “ I still remember that look. You used to look at me this way when you were worried about me, well that was in the past now, Is he mad?”

Louis sighed then shrugged, he then sat by her 

“ he is not a bad person.. “

She nodded, Louis looked at her 

“ he suffered so much, life wasn’t easy for him, wasn’t fair.. I really hoped that you could support me in this.. He is really a good man ,.even Lana loves him"

She nodded “ I know.. She told me a lot about him..”

Louis nodded and then he looked down. Eleanor looked at him “ I am worried Louis”

He nodded “ I know..”

“ no you don’t, because you love him so you don’t care..”

Louis didn’t answer, Eleanor “ I don’t know a lot about this.. But all I know that it’s bad.. like really bad.. you can get infected easily, and if you are infected, then it will turn your life upside down.. you have a daughter Louis, you have sisters that still need you “

Louis nodded again, Eleanor “ but if you love him and he is a good man like you keep saying, handsome” she smiled, Louis looked at her “ then we should think of something” she added.

Louis sighed closing his eyes “ you won’t take her away?”

She shook her head “ I am not the bad person here.. I was just trying to know if it was a true thing or just a relationship that you are having, but I guess it’s real"

He nodded “ it’s.. He makes me feel something different, I love the feelings he gives me and I don’t know why"

She laughed “ yeah.. been there before"

Louis smiled too, Eleanor “ then I think you should go",

Louis looked at her surprised, she nodded “ you are worried and Lana is okay.. it’s just unfair",

He was still looking at her suspected, she nodded “ go.. I know the feeling.. go" he smiled and then hugged her and ran saying “ If anything happened call me",

She nodded smiling at her ex “ just go”.

********

Louis was in front of Harry’s flat, he expected the door to be closed but it wasn’t, it was slightly opened.

Louis entered and his heart skipped a beat. He heard voices coming from Harry’s bed room , but he couldn’t recognize what or who was talking.

He walked closer and then he heard 

“ don't you do this you son of bitch..” it was Zayn, but why was Zayn insulting Harry.

“ wake up.. come on" Zayn yelled again

Louis rushed to the bedroom, and what he saw froZe the blood in his veins.

Harry was lying on the floor, nearly above him was Zayn pressing his chest, yelling at him. Niall was also there kneeling beside them crying watching Harry.

When Louis looked at Harry he stopped breathing, Harry was pale, he looked lifeless.. Harry was dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update is tomorrow
> 
> Thanks for reading


	11. Chapter 11

Louis and Niall were still waiting for Zayn . After Louis seeing Zayn struggling to bring Harry back to life. The ambulance came and the paramedics took Zayn's place. They tried to gain a regular heartbeat, but there was nothing until they arrived the hospital.

Zayn promised them he will tell them anything happened. And ever since they were waiting for him together at the waiting room. 

Louis could barely control himself, he was pacing the room. He couldn’t understand what happened, and why this happened, Last time he saw Harry he was okay, shaking up but okay. What happened in those few hours? His mind was eating him.

“ can you please calm down?” Niall said looking at Louis.

Louis huffed and sat beside him, Niall shaking his leg up And down 

“ he will be fine, he is with Zayn”,

Louis took a deep breath “ how come you are so sure? Have you seen him he wasn’t okay..” Louis said trying to erase how Harry looked lifeless earlier .

Niall “ I have... But he is with Zayn", he said again voice cracking .

Louis had to stop talking, he knew Niall was trying his best to calm himself. He was the one who found Harry, he was trying to call him but Harry didn’t answer, he was already around the building so he thought to pay him a visit. And thanks God he did. He saved Harry, but Louis knew how it was scary for him to see his best friend on the ground lifeless, not breathing, no heartbeat .Louis saw how his hands were shaking, so he didn’t want to scare him more.

Suddenly Niall stood up looking in front of him , Louis followed and he saw Zayn coming towards them.

“ he is stable” first thing Zayn said looking at both of them , finally Louis and Niall can breath again.

“ what happened?” Niall asked first,

Zayn face turned pale, and Louis knew there was something wrong,

“ he tried to end his life" 

Zayn said the word and Louis felt the world was spinning around him,

“ what are you saying?” Niall asked shocked,

Zayn nodded “ we found in his blood unexplained large amount of the drugs he used , he mixed his sedatives with alcohol..”,

Niall shook his head in disbelief “ no , no. Are you sure ? but why? What happened?”,

Zayn shrugged “ I have no idea..” , but Zayn avoided looking at Louis. Louis was watching the two men talking and he wanted to scream, why Harry? Why did you hurt yourself? He knew why, He must have known that before, he should have done something. When Harry came he was terribly shaking, he was acting hysterically and he said something about dying.

“ can we see him?” Niall asked.

Zayn “ it’s not a good idea.. He is still not awake, not till tomorrow” he now looked at Louis “ it’s getting late.. you should go home”,

NIALL shook his head , Zayn said “Niall you must have some rest, I know How do you feel, don't stress yourself more, your body needs some rest"

Niall nodded rubbing his face “ okay.. But he will be fine?”

Zayn looking at Niall again reassuring “ yes Niall he will be fine".

 

Niall looked at Louis “ are you coming?”

Louis shook his head, Niall “ you heard what Zayn said..”

Louis “ yes.. But I am not leaving”

Niall “ what about Lana?”

Zayn looked at him confused, Louis to Zayn “ she had a bad attack, she was at the hospital, but she is okay now, she is home with her mom"

Zayn nodded “ so sorry..”

Louis looked down “ I am not leaving Niall, I will just wait a little bit"

Niall didn’t talk more to Louis. He talked to Zayn asking him to call if anything happened , and then he left.

Louis took a deep breath, he looked at Zayn “ I have to see him"

Zayn “ I told you he is asleep, he won’t be awake till tomorrow”

Louis looked down, Zayn “ I think you should leave Louis”,

Louis shook his head still looking down “ I can’t leave”

It was his fault.

“ are you sure?” Louis asked Zayn “ are you sure he wanted to end his life?”

Zayn nodded sorry “ I didn’t want to believe it too but his blood was full of drugs.. He is a doctor so he knew what he was doing".

Louis closed his eyes , he wished to hear a different answer, like Harry must didn’t take care using his drugs or anything like this but not suicide.

“ it’s my fault" finally Louis said.

Zayn was confused, Louis looked at him “ this is all my fault"

“ what happened? ZAYN asked worried now.

Louis covered his face with his hands “ he is so stupid.. you are so stupid Harry styles".

Zayn asked again “ you know what happened? You know why?”

Louis looked at Zayn “ I guess I do".

****  
In the hospital cafe, Louis and Zayn were sitting drinking something.

Louis told Zayn everything he knew about what happened earlier, and Zayn was listening carefully. He didn’t say any comments . He saw how much Louis was blaming himself so he didn’t want to add any pressure.

“ he killed himself because he thought I was choosing lana” Louis said .

Zayn nodded “ you are a father, of course you would choose your daughter, Harry knows that very well but I don’t know. I mean Harry won’t ever make you chose him, she is your daughter he knew how sensitive is that"

Louis looked at him “ what do you mean?”

Zayn sighed squeezing his eyes with his fingers 

“ honestly.. I don’t know how to think, Maybe something happened when he was out, I mean you said he was not okay when He came back".

Louis finally nodded, but he stopped talking. It was his fault he should calm him down before leaving to Lana, but she is his daughter and she was in trouble, of course he would run for her. But also Harry looked in trouble and he left him. His mind was literally killing him.

Zayn finally said “ calm down.. we saved him, let’s just know what happened so he won’t do it again"

Louis snaps his head up to Zayn, do it again? Was it possible?.

“ he didn’t try it before .. But I was always scared for this day to come" Zayn took a deep breath , he wasn’t sure how to say this, he never talked about Harry’s disease before “ I know he is taking his drugs and taking very good care of himself.. I know he is treated properly so his HIV won’t develop into AIDs”

Louis was watching Zayn , and he knew that Zayn was crying.

“ he always blamed himself for what happened, even if it wasn’t his fault.. But he struggled to keep his spirits high, although less people who knew but he was always scared if others know, he didn’t want people to know about this, he didn't feel comfortable about it . I mean he would be fine I know physically he would be. But mentally was something else , he was feeling down most of the times, he never let anyone near him, and he was ready to run away so he could be alone suffering"

Then he looked at Louis “ then you showed up... and he became different, you changed him".

Louis looked down again, how did he Change him? To worse? After all he tried To kill himself.

“ he knew when he started this relation that everything was about to change, he will have to tell people about his disease, he will have to explain what it’s exactly. Most of the people have mixed information, they can’t separate HIV from Aids, and that was the most exhausting part for him, facing them and explain, Facing people was the worst “.

Louis nodded, he knew, he saw how nervous he gets around people who knew about it. He still remember how Harry was nervous when he was explaining to Louis how his disease works , when it can transmitted to others and how. When it can be developed to AIDs.

“ I always know there comes a day when I will try to save his life.. And I didn’t want to think that he will think of this one day, I always made sure he won’t" Zayn wiped his tears . He looked at Louis “ I am sorry.. But he doesn’t deserve this"

Louis nodded, Harry didn’t deserve this. He shouldn’t and he won’t.

Louis begged Zayn to let him see Harry for just five minutes, Zayn refused at the start, but eventually he let him in.

It was scary for Louis. Last time he saw someone at this place, it was his mom. And he can’t let his mind think of this moments again.

Harry looked small at that large hospital bed. he was pale, nasal cannula under his nose, wires connected To his body, eyes closed. 

The room was so quiet, only the sound of Harry’s heartbeat . And it made Louis anxious . No one should live like this, Harry suffered a lot . His disease , his loneliness. How he was scared for his secret to be revealed, how he was scared to hurt anyone around him. And all he did was helping people.

Louis sat on the chair beside Harry, and then he stared at his face again. And slowly he held Harry’s hand where the pulse clip was on his finger.

“ you must wake up Harry..” he started, “ you can’t do this, let me help you please".

He didn’t expect any answers, and Harry didn’t give him any.

Slowly Louis stood up again, and printed a soft kiss on his forehead. And then he left the room.

****  
Louis left the hospital after that, he went to see Lana, it was late and she was asleep. He took a look at her kissed her and then he left to his flat. 

Eleanor asked him to stay but he couldn’t, he didn’t want to talk or to be with anyone, he felt guilty and he felt small . 

The ride in the car was messy, Louis found himself crying. He loved Harry, he loved how he was a devoting person who was ready to rescue his life for others without waiting for a thank you. When he saved Lana's life and begged Louis to take her to the hospital, and how Louis left him like the others. When Louis left him again when he was with Zayn before he collapsed. And now Harry was struggling alone to be alive while he didn’t even want to be alive. 

When Louis entered his building he found Bobby rushing towards him asking

 

“ Mr Tomlinson, please tell me He is okay",

Louis looked at Bobby and he smiled, he was a good man.

“ he is fine Bobby he will be okay", Louis said pressing the elevator bottom.

Bobby nodded “ thanks God, I was too worried about him, he is a good man doctor Styles I hope everything will be fine with him" 

Louis nodded trying to smile “ you are a good man Bobby”

He said while getting inside the elevator, then its door was closed. Louis pressed number seven and leaned on the wall. Again he felt he was about to break down but he has to be strong. His sisters are still in his flat waiting for him.

But when he was right in front of his flat, he didn’t open the door. Instead he ran down stairs, and he found himself opening Harry’s door and rushing inside, closing the door behind him and running to Harry’s room.

Louis stopped at the place where Harry was lying hours ago, and he stared at this place. He slowly sat on the floor leaning on Harry’s bed. He looked around him trying to control his pain, but while he was doing this, something caught his eyes.

A piece of paper was on the floor beside the nightstand and ( Louis) name was on it.  
Louis hastily took it and opened it, 

“ dear Louis,  
I don’t know what else to say but sorry.  
Sorry that I can’t do this anymore, I thought  
I was strong but I am weak, I am very weak.  
And it hurts, everything hurts and I can’t take it.  
I am sorry but it’s killing me and I am scared.  
This is the right thing for all of us, it will end my misery  
And I know you and Lana will be better off me.  
I am sorry , and I love you  
Harry",

Louis was crying reading the letter. He left him a suicide letter to apologize, telling him he love him and then he took his life away,He cried like never before, hugging his knees wishing that all This was just a nightmare. He would wake up and find Harry sleeping there just beside him warm, happy.

*****

 

Harry opened his eye, and all he saw was white. It took him couple of minutes to know where he was,

“ oh no “ he whispered closing his eyes in frustration, 

he failed. And someone saved him, so now they knew. They knew how weak he was , how he is going to face them, to face Louis, God Louis knew too, and Zayn.

And shit, he is in a hospital. He is HIV patient and he is in a hospital. He knew what does this mean, he still remember how some doctors would react when they knew that the patient they are treating was HIV positive, how uncomfortable they could get. Some try to refuse to finish the treatment neglecting the patients. It always hurt him. And he always tried his best to help those patients , and explain to his colleagues who already knew how this disease work , but still feeling uncomfortable. 

He felt someone touching his hands, and when he opened his eyes he saw Zayn looking at him worried.

Harry bit his lower lip, he felt tears running down his face. He felt ashamed, he let Zayn down

“ how are you" Zayn asked trying to sound strong.

Harry closed his eyes turning his face to the other side.  
“ you are okay.. you will be fine, I tried to make less people know.. so you are safe".

Harry knew what Zayn meant, Zayn always read him , he knew what was the first thing that might jump into his mind, so He said that to make it easy for him . And he knew Zayn took good care of this, he was always grateful for Zayn.

Zayn sat slowly beside him “ do you remember what happened?”,

But Harry didn’t look at Zayn, and that was a yes.

Zayn took a deep breath “ Niall found you.. And he called me",

Harry didn’t move again, Zayn “ why did you do that Harry? Why did you chose the easy way"

Harry squeezed his eyes, tears were heavy and he couldn't control his sobs.

Zany put his hand on Harry’s, and he squeezed lightly.  
“ I am here Harry, I am always here”,

 

It was three hours later when Louis arrived at the hospital . Zayn called him an hour ago to find himself sleeping at Harry’s bedroom , Zayn told him about what happened with Harry, and that Harry refused to talk to anyone. So Louis only took a quick shower and headed to the hospital right away.

“ good morning” Zayn said when he saw Louis walking towards Harry’s room.

Louis stopped and looked at Zayn, Zayn stood in front of him “ he is still not talking”,

Louis didn’t move, Zayn “ his sister is on the way.. I had to call her”

Louis nodded “ I must see him"

Zayn “ I know, but I am not sure if he wants to..”

“ he left me a message...” Louis said angrily, “ he said he loves me and then he tried to kill himself.. that is not how It is suppose to happen”, Louis was in tears now.  
Zayn closed his mouth, Louis calmed down   
“ I am sorry..”,

Zany nodded “ I don’t know how to help Louis”

“ I will try.. I think .” then he took a deep breath “ I love him too and I have to save him, I have to do something”,

Zayn nodded and then smiled. Louis looked at the door and then he walked and opened it.

When he entered he saw Harry was closing his eyes, he didn’t move when he heard the sound of the door.  
Louis took a few steps and then he stopped in front of the bed 

“ how could you do this?” Louis asked.

Harry opened his eye wide looking at Louis shockingly, he didn’t expect to see him again. Ever. But he remembered the letter he left him, and now Louis knew Harry loves him. 

Louis was staring at him crying “ you promised you will never hurt me, you fucking said you love me .. is this love? Didn’t you think about me when you..” he stopped talking.

Harry stared to cry, and Louis walked and sat beside him “ why?”

Harry closed his eyes, Louis continued “ I can help you Harry through this"

Harry shook his head “ I can’t..”

“ yes you can"

Harry again shook his head , tears still falling, Louis held his hand “ Harry please.. don’t do this"

“ I can’t let you chose.. it’s unfair"

“ I won’t choose Harry, Eleanor understands..” but Harry wasn’t even listening , he was trapped with his thoughts “ I can’t do this to you, I can’t do this to Lana”

Louis cupped Harry’s face “ listen to me.. Harry listen"

Harry looked at him “ nothing is happening.. Eleanor is okay with this, she understands”

Harry looking at Louis's eyes , then he closed his eyes and the tears fell on his cheeks, Louis wiped them with his thumb then he let go of Harry.

“ I saw him" Harry said, then he looked at Louis “ that night I saw Nick in the street .. And he was.. oh God” he closed his eyes again looking down , 

Louis squeezed his hand “ did he hurt you?”

Harry shook his head “ but I saw how this disease was doing to him ”  
Louis was confused “ what do you mean?”

Harry looked at him and tried to talk between his sobs “ he looked terrible.. scary, and I can’t let this happen to me Louis”

“ it won’t happen baby.. you will be okay you are having your medications you know nothing bad will happen to you Harry..you are the doctor you know"

But Harry kept crying “ I can’t let this win ...”

Louis couldn’t take it anymore, Harry was breaking down, and there was nothing he can do to make him better. He hugged him and Barry let him. “ you will be okay.. I won’t let anything bad happens to you, I promise”.

Harry shook his head “ I can’t..”

Then he looked at Louis “ this can’t happen, we can’t happen , and I am sorry Louis, I am so sorry, I love you so much but ... we can’t”

Louis shook his head “ no, don’t say this. Don’t give up Harry please I love you too please ”

Harry shook his head “ I will hurt you Louis, I can’t .. what if I hurt you already" this eyes were wide “ oh my god"

Louis stopped him “ shhh I am fine love, please stop"

He tried to hug him but Harry stopped him, he looked at Louis eyes “ please, do the tests”

Louis had to nod, just to calm Harry down. When Harry say him approving, he let Louis hug him and he put his head on his shoulder and he cried silently now letting Louis patting his head softly.

Louis was feeling sorry for Harry. He was having a mental break and seeing Nick made things worse. He saw the demon himself , the one that hurt him and attacked him . The reason for his misery.  
When Louis was out of Harry’s room, he saw Zayn was talking with a lady, once he saw her. He knew she was Gemma.

He saw her pictures on Harry’s phone, and he even called her couple times.

When she saw him she ran and hugged him and he hugged her back, although it was the first time they met. But it felt like they knew each other long time ago.  
Louis and Gemma spent the day talking together about Harry, Harry didn’t wake up again after what happened early. No one wanted to disturb him, they let him sleep as long as he wanted. But Gemma and Louis didn’t leave his side, they were staying by him in turns. For the next three days .

Harry didn’t talk again, he was barely opening his eyes. Physically he was okay, mentally he wasn’t. He was hiding by sleeping, and even if he was awake, he was pretending sleeping. They all knew but No one said anything.

At day four. Louis had to go to his work before the hospital, Liam told him it was okay to leave early, but they had a lot of delayed work. Louis stayed till he finished as much as he can, he tried to call Zayn and Gemma but no one answered him. It was after three hours when he started to get worried when they still not answering his phones.

He left his office and rushed to the hospital praying that everything was okay. But once he was near Harry’s room he felt something was wrong . Gemma was talking to Zayn few steps away from the room. She didn’t see Louis getting inside the room .

When Louis was inside he froze, the room was empty no sign for Harry, what did this mean?

He was leaving when Gemma entered. When he saw her he stopped waiting for the explanation.

“ he is gone..” she started with glassy eyes.

Louis still not understanding, she continued “ everything was okay, he even talked to me.. He asked me to go to his flat to bring him some clean clothes ”

Louis looked at her, she nodded “ I knew you brought him his clothes.. But was too late, when I returned from his flat he was gone".

Louis looked again at the bed, then he walked to it looking at the bed where Harry was lying for the past four days. He then sat on it looking down. Harry did it, he was again running, but this time Louis knew he won’t be okay. And the idea alone scared him, he won’t let him run. That was the Plan, he will look for him, he will find him, and he will love him until Harry loves himself again.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter every body  
> Thank you so much for reading, to be honest this story didn't go the way I liked but eventually here it is
> 
> And thanks for clumsybastard for helping me at the first chapters
> 
> Hope you enjoyed reading it, and hope to meet you again in new work
> 
> All the love

Louis was watching Gemma doing all the phone calls she can to figure out where Harry could be. He was driving his car looking at the places where he and Zayn thought that Harry might be in. He called Bobby the janitor and he told him he didn’t see dr styles at all. 

Zayn was stuck at the hospital but he was following them by his phone. Niall had his share too, he was looking for Harry and no one could found him.

Eventually they decided to go home, Gemma said it was the best if they returned to Harry’s place they might find something. 

Louis had to leave Gemma at Harry’s place and went back to his flat, he needed a shower and also he needed to call his sisters, he hadn’t heard from them ever since they went back home two days ago.

But when he entered his place, the place was too quit, and for a minute he knew he would miss his sisters who were everywhere, especially now. He was lost and weak, and on the edge he needed someone to give him some reassurance, he needed to feel okay. 

He moved to the kitchen he was starving. But he didn’t expect to see fizzy there . She was sitting on the kitchen table, and he immediately know she was crying. His heart skipped a beat, and he ran towards her

“ Fizz... what happened?” he asked frantically.

She looked at him started, then she hugged him and she sobbed, he hugged her losing his mind

“ what happened? Something wrong with your sisters?”

She shook her head But she cried harder, Louis

“ are you okay? What happened fizz please.. I can’t stand anything else"

She looked at him still crying “ Harry”

Louis shocked he couldn’t talk. But he had to ask 

“ what’s wrong with Harry.. Have you seen him?”

He didn’t expect her to nod.” Did you? When ?”

Fizz sniffed “ two hours ago"

“ oh my God..” he literally was losing his mind, two hours ago he was wondering the street looking for Harry with Gemma. 

“ was he okay? Tell me what happens? And for God sake why are you crying Fizz?”

She looked at her elder brother trying to calm down, Louis took her from her hand and together they sat on the table.

“ he told me not to tell you.. I had to promise him Louis but I don’t know what to do .. I mean he is .. He is lost and sad and ...”

“ he tried to kill himself Fizz.. that’s why he was at the hospital" he said impatiently. 

Fizz looked at him shocked “ but you said..”

Louis sighed “ I know.. I told you he got sick.. I didn’t want to scare you"

Fizz looked in front of her “ oh God..” ,

Louis couldn’t take it anymore “ Fizz where did you see him? We can’t find him he disappeared and we were looking for him"

She nodded “ he said something about his mom",

Then she looked at Louis “ I came back here because I forgot my laptop, when I entered the lift he was there.. I tried to talk to him to apologize, you didn’t even tell us he was out of the hospital”,

Louis was looking at her “ he wasn’t suppose to leave, he escaped"

Fizz nodded “ I thought there was something wrong with him, I tried to talk to him but he wasn’t answering at all, barely looking at me" Louis listening carefully, heart racing 

“ then I asked him where he was going, at the start he didn't want to tell me, I guess I pushed him because I was worried and maybe he didn't want me to worry about him so finally he told me He is visiting his mom, then he asked me to promise him not to tell you"

Louis stood up holding his phone in his hand , he knew where Harry was and he was going to find him now.

“ yes Gemma.. I know where he is". It was all he said before leaving his place again heading down to Harry’s flat.

Louis knew where Harry was, he was visiting his mom. The idea scared him a lot, he was afraid that Harry might try to hurt himself again, but this time he would be alone.

When he told Gemma she shared him the same idea, and together they jumped into Louis's car heading to the place where Harry’s mother was buried.

They arrived at night, the place was dark but they could see there was no one. Harry wasn’t there but they were sure he was , they found a bouquet of fresh flowers and they knew someone was visiting the grave today.

When they went back to the car, they were lost again. They didn’t know where he could be now, but Gemma had the feeling that Harry was back at their family home.

When Louis parked the car, he saw Harry’s car was already there . And somehow he got releaved, they found Harry , finally.

But when they entered the house which door was opened , they started to became anxious again. It was dark, quiet, and like abandoned. Gamma started to cry because she couldn’t hide her anxiety anymore. And Louis hugged her trying to erase the idea of Harry might be hurt somewhere here.

“ where is his room love?” Louis asked trying to calm her down.

Gamma looked up stairs and Louis nodded, she shook her head crying “ I can’t..”

Louis looked at her “ it’s okay.. you wait here.. It will be fine"

She nodded, but together they knew it won’t be fine , nothing will be fine. Harry is not fine.

Louis with a shaky legs went upstairs , and he called Harry . But he got nothing.

In front of the rooms Louis had to check the three rooms. He didn’t know which one was Harry’s. But again he didn’t find him anywhere. Then he heard the sound of water splash. It was coming from another closed door. It must be the bathroom. He walked to it and he knocked the door

“ Harry.. are you in there?”

Nothing.

He knocked again “ Harry.. I am Louis, please tell me you are okay"

Nothing.

He banged the door now losing his patience

“ Harry.. open up.I know you are in there"

He was sure that there was something wrong again .

“ Harry.. “ he tried to open the knob but it was locked,   
and Louis now was passed off .

“ Harry I am coming in..”

Then he felt Gemma was coming and standing beside him.

He took a deep breath, he can’t take all this anymore.  
He pushed the door with his body twice and it was opened. He rushed inside but he froze.

“ don’t get in Gemma" he almost yelled.

He was looking at Harry. Harry was at the bathtub. Sitting hugging his knees, and he remembered he saw Harry exactly like this before. Harry was shaking and the water was down his head and all his body. It was cold Louis knew, and he didn’t know for how long Harry was like this.

“ is he okay?” asked Gemma.

Louis whispered “ Harry..”

But Harry didn’t move, didn’t acknowledge his presence .   
“ Louis.” Gamma outside yelling.

“ I think..” Louis said still looking at Harry. Then slowly he walked towards him , and he sat at the floor 

“ Harry.. baby are you okay?”

He touched him and Harry didn’t even flinch, Louis bit his lip he knew harry was trapped again in his darkness, Harry was frozen. So hastily Louis turned the water off, looked around him and he saw a towel was hanging there behind the door, he rushed took it, and he wrapped it around Harry.

“ baby.. baby look at me, it’s me Louis.. I am here.. I won’t go"

But Harry was looking down, not moving. Louis didn’t know if it was water or he was crying , but Harry was still trapped inside his mind. 

“ Harry.. look at me, please” Louis said begging.   
Rubbing Harry’s back to give him some warm.

“ Harry.. please" he was crying now.

Then he looked at the door “ Gemma are you still here?”

She was crying too “ yes, yes I am here"

Louis tried to sound stronger “ listen.. do you know if there is any clean clothes for Harry here"

“ yes.. He was here last month.. I think i can find something”

Then he felt she was running back to Harry’s room, Louis looked at Harry again “ come on buddy, let's get you some warm .”

He tried to lift Harry , and Harry let him, it was like he didn’t resist at all. Anything could happen now and Harry wouldn’t even care.

Louis helped him out of the tub, and then together they walked outside, Harry still looking down. Louis watching him completely lost. He didn’t know what to do or how to help. 

In his bedroom, Gemma left them alone so Louis can dress him the clothes. Louis started to do .  
He dressed him his boxer , and then his shirt. His pants. It was when he was putting some sockets on his leg when he heard 

“ I am sorry"

Louis snapped his head up, Harry was closing his eyes

“ I am sorry.. I couldn’t do it again"

What did he mean?, Louis didn’t know what he can say exactly.

“ I am so weak.. And I am sorry"

“ stop saying this please" Louis with a shaky voice 

Harry didn’t say any other word, Louis was still on the ground sitting between Harry’s leg,

“ Harry I want you to look at me"

But Harry didn’t move,

“ Harry styles open your eyes and look at me"

Harry finally opened his eyes, Louis tried to smile “ I want you, I want this , please Harry stop thinking this way"

Harry shook his head “ you don’t need this"

“ but I do, I want you Harry please, just give us a chance, a chance is all I am asking"

Harry crying now “ it’s too risky”

“ it’s not.. Harry.. Why are you like this! " then he calmed a little and said" do you love me?”

Harry looked at him then he cried hard covering his face with his hands. 

Louis stood up and hugged Harry tightly to his chest

“ it’s okay Harry, we will do it together, I am not letting you go and I am not letting you face it alone..”

He felt Harry shaking his head, but he squeezed him softly “ whatever the future hold for both of us, we will do It together harry"

Then Harry looked at Louis “ why are you doing this?”

Louis smiled through his tears “ I told you before don’t ask me that, I don’t know why, but all I know is I deserve a second chance with you.. I am not leaving you again harry, I've done this before and I promised myself no more.. please ,please let me be a part of your life"

Harry was listening looking down “ you don’t know what my life will be"

Louis hastily said “ so do you"

Harry looked at him “ I know.. I have seen him"

Louis sat on the bed holding Harry’s hand “ Harry.. I don’t know what happened that night, I don’t know how did he look like to scare you this way, but you know you won’t turn to he this way.. you are taking your drugs you are watching your self.. nothing wrong is going to happen to you, I promise you, I am not even a doctor nd I know you will be okay"

Harry closed his eyes “ don’t promise me that"

Louis stopped talking, then he kissed Harry’s hand “ I can stay the whole day begging you and asking you to give me a chance Harry.. But I need to feel safe when you tell me we will make It together”

Harry looked at him, Louis continued “ I saw you there Harry, Zayn was trying to save you.. And it scared me.. I felt like dying , I don’t want to feel scared for you this way again.. your life matters to me Harry, to Zayn and Niall.. oh and Gamma”

Harry still looking at him, Louis squeezed his hand softly again

“ If you don’t want this relation I will understand.. But I won’t leave unless you promise me you will be okay.. that you won’t hurt yourself anymore",

Harry whispered “ I couldn’t..”

Louis confused “ what?”

Harry looked down “ I tried to do it again but I couldn’t , I wanted to go by my mom's grave but at the lost moment I stopped myself”

Louis exhaled a breath he was holding, and then he couldn’t take it anymore, he cried .

Harry looked at him “ I am weak, and I am pathetic..”

Louis let Harry’s hand “ I don’t know what else to do Harry.. I can’t help you if you don’t want to help yourself”

Harry looked down again, Louis took a deep breath to control himself, he wiped his tears and then sat again beside Harry 

“ tell me.. tell me Harry what exactly do you want?”

Harry froze for a second, and then he looked at Louis 

“ I want to be happy.. I want to be okay and to don't hurt anyone"

Louis nodded “ and how exactly can you make this happen?”

Harry shook his head “ it will never happen Louis..”

Louis stopped talking , he looked down “ and I want you to be happy too..” then he looked at Harry who was still watching him , “ and I want to be happy, my happiness is with you, and If you are letting your disease win “ Harry looked at him shockingly “and if your disease is the only thing that comes between us"

Harry whispered “ what are you doing..”

Louis closed his eyes and took a deep breath “ I can have it easily , do you know that"

Harry frowned still shocked and confused

” what are you talking about?”

Louis still not looking at Harry “ I want to have it"

Harry closed his eyes letting the tears run down freely “ stop it..”

Louis continued “ I want to know what do you feel, I want to known if you will chose me then or not"

Harry crying harder “ stop talking..”

Louis looked at him “.I swear to god Harry if this is the only way that makes us together I will do it"

Harry opened his eyes and then he looked at him “ I am telling you I am not worth it"

Louis sighed “ please don’t say this , you worth it..”

Harry “ please don’t hurt yourself Louis.. please”

Louis “ then don’t leave me"

“ I won’t forgive myself if anything happened”

“ nothing will happen Harry.. I promise”

Harry closed his eyes “ I want to believe this"

Louis “ then believe it, give us a chance and I will make you believe”

Harry smiled “ I never thought someone will fight for me"

Louis again held his hand and smiled back “ I will fight for you and I will fight hard, but please.. don’t leave again"

Harry nodded tears falling on his checks “ it’s gonna be Hard path"

Louis nodded “ I will take it no matter what, I won’t regret"

Harry nodded again, Louis slowly wiped Harry’s tears away. Then he kissed him softly on his lips. They hugged tightly and lied on the bed, they both needed some rest, some sleep. They both were finally together.

Outside the room Gemma was resting her back on the wall crying but she was also smiling. She knows her brother was finally safe. Her brother was having the happiness he deserves.

*****

Three months later, Louis was waiting in an office, full of couches and chairs, he was reading some magazine when he felt it was getting too late, Harry session was supposed to be two hours, not it has been almost three hours. 

He was looking at his watch when the front door was finally opened and Harry came out of it. He looked at the chair where Louis occupied when they arrived and he smiled widely and headed towards him, Louis stood up looking at him smiling back

“ how was it?” Louis asked 

Harry smiled “ let’s talk outside..”

Louis frowned but he followed Harry outside. 

*****

 

Inside the car, Harry was driving. He always said it was a part of his healing . He would drive for hours listening to his favourite music sitting beside him Louis saying nothing.

Louis said to Harry “ aren’t you telling me what happened?”

Harry looking in front at the road “ what do you mean what happened , The regular"

Louis sighed in frustration “ Harry.. you took longer than usual"

Harry nodded “ ah that" then he kept silent,

Louis “ what the hell Harry, tell me what is going on”,

Harry smiled “ relax, everything is fine.. I was just saying goodbye”

Louis still looking at him waiting for more, Harry looked at him “ he just told me that easy last session”

Louis surprised “ your what? Are you sure? Baby that great"

Harry nodded still smiling “ that’s why I had an extra hour.. “

Louis “ wow.. But you feel you are okay?”

Harry nodded “’I feel I am much better, I mean I have you and Lana, right"

Louis smiled approving, then he asked “ but what about those nightmares? You still have them"

Harry nodded “ yeah.. He said it's a part of who I am “

Louis frowned “ he said that?”

Harry giggled “ no but I wanted him to say that, he just said it will take much longer than three months.. They were hunting me for years..”

Louis nodded understanding , then he looked at Harry 

“ but it’s a wonderful news.. we need to celebrate this"

Harry shook his head “ we are not celebrating ending my sessions Louis”

Louis “ yes we are, but first there is something I need to show you"

Harry raised a brow looking at him, Louis smiled “ just follow my directions"

Louis gave Harry the directions that lead them to a big house, it was when Louis said proudly 

“ just right here, stopp the car"

Harry looked at h confused “ you mean here?”

Louis nodded “ just here..”

Harry “ what about the owners?”

Louis sighed “ just do it".

Finally Harry stopped the car, Louis opened the door leaving “ let’s go"

He left the car and Harry had to follow him full of confusion. He had no idea what was going on. Or what was happening.

And to make it more confused, Louis put the keys out of his pocket and opened the door, then he looked at Harry smiling and entered the house.

Harry stopped at the door steps lost and shocked, but he heard Louis’s voice coming from inside “ get in Harry”

So he did. The place was empty, it was a big empty house , Harry looked round him amazed by The place and the terrace . When he looked at Louis , Louis was looking back at him crossing his arms

“ so what do you think?”

Harry didn’t talk, Louis “ it’s ours..”

Harry was shocked , Louis smiled “ yeah it is, I bought it two weeks ago, and I was waiting for Good news to celebrate it"

Harry sighed “ oh God.. “

Louis took a few steps closer to him “ do you like it?”

Harry smiled “ I love it.. It amazing Lou.. “ then he hugged him “ I love you so much baby"

Louis hugged him back “ I told you we can make it”

Harry didn’t speak he just buried his head in his neck and felt grateful for having him in his life.

********

 

Thirteen years later,

Beautiful lady was putting bags in the car truck, she was gorgeous with long legs and long hair.

“ come on daddy .. I won’t wait for long"

She looked at the house that Louis bought thirteen years ago, then Louis voice came

“ coming baby, I can’t find Harry”

“ in here" Harry’s voice came from the car,

Then Louis came out of the house looking fumed 

“ I was looking for you"

Harry came out of the car, giggling hard “ I was listening to some music”

Louis “ I thought you were in the bathroom , then I opens the door and it was empty"

Harry walked and embrace Lana “ I was helping her"

Louis looked at them , the two of them was laughing now, then he moved closer to his girl “ are you ready for this?”,

She nodded excited “ I am daddy".

He took a deep breath and hugged her while Harry was watching them in tears, Louis looked at her and cupped her face

“ If you needed anything, or wanted to talk I will be here.. I am always here"

“ we are always here" harry corrected , then Lana kissed her father of his cheek, then she turned and hugged Harry really tight 

“ thank you so much , and thanks God for both of you 

Then she let go and looked at the two of them 

“ I will be fine, I will do something I love.. I won’t be far the college is just two hours away"

Louis nodded wiped his tears away, she softened 

“ don’t cry daddy please"

He shook his head “ I am not, it just I can’t believe my daughter is getting to college, you making me old"

The three of them laughed, she said   
“ never, look at you two, you still my favourite love birds.. you know what when my new friends saw you last week they thought you were my brothers..”

Louis laughed so as Harry, Louis.” Yeah I know I am still young..”

Harry “ I am sure they meant me”

Louis “ no, of course not"

Lana rolled her eyes “ they meant both of you I swear"

Then she looked at them “ I will miss you guys..”

Louis sighed “I know kiddo.. we will miss you too"

Lana smiled tried to sound stronger “ please take care of each other"

Harry smiled “ don’t worry about us, you take care of yourself",

She nodded then she hugged them both

“ I love you"

Then she ran inside her car and she smiled at them and drove away while they waved goodbye.

Harry and Louis looked at each other , Louis sighed 

“ what a for dinner?”

Harry shook his head “ no let's go out"

Louis “ Harry.. I have loads of work to do"

Harry groaned “ oh come on, your daughter just moved to college, we need to celebrate this”

Louis shook his head getting inside the house 

“ we don’t have to celebrate everything Harry” 

Harry “ oh where is the one I fell in love with.. I remember you used to celebrate everything that matters and not, what happened to you"

He followed him, Louis said “ he is getting old"

Harry giggled “ oh stop pretending.. come on let’s go"

Louis “ Harry I have work..”

“ I will help you"

Louis sighed “you have a shift tonight, and you've been saying this for thirteen years now, and you never actually did help me"

Harry laughed “ I am a doctor how can I help you I even help"

That was happening nearly every time Harry would ask Louis to go out, Louis loved to spend time at home, Harry loved to go out and have fun. Yeah they have changed but the only thing that didn’t change was their love. They still in love, they still love each other. They are still okay , handsome and healthy. And that exactly what mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed


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